Got Anger? Step Three: Now is the time to let it Go!

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Got Anger? Step Three: Now is the time to let it Go!

Licensed Psychologist, Keynote Speaker, Best Selling Author, and Leader in Global Conflict Resolution

Got anger? To be human is to have anger. It is an important emotion. Anger tells us that our circumstances need to change. IF we can’t let go of our anger it is also telling us that we need to change. This is the time when we get into the trenches of our emotions and have the difficult dialogue with ourselves about what happened and how we will choose to deal with it in a healing capacity. It is the time when we roll up our sleeves and become very honest with ourselves. Our tendencies are to want to feel sorry for ourselves and stay stuck in a victim role. By playing “poor me” we disempower ourselves or continue to play the blame game and not take responsibility or positive action in our lives. Instead of seeing the situation as the good guy versus the bad guy, we would be better served to learn the lessons our emotions are trying to teach us and to understand what is making the person behave that way.

This is a difficult phase because it requires introspection and honest soul searching. Although we may think we are angry at someone else if we are having difficulty letting go of anger it is an indication that we are in the need of healing. Don’t be afraid to dialogue with the anger inside of you. Ask your anger what it wants whatever comes to mind or sharing what is inside of you with someone you trust. Honor what your anger says to you. You may need to journal many times focusing on your anger. You can also draw it. There may be multiple meanings to your anger. Your anger could be protecting you. It could also be telling you what you need to do to heal.

For your journal exercise rewrite your story. Focus on your anger and give your anger voice. Ask your anger what it is trying to tell you. How is your anger protecting you? If you are having difficulty letting go of your anger, ask yourself what are you accusing the offender of? Deep down inside, you are secretly accusing yourself of the same things. For example, if you are accusing someone of betraying you, you may have never betrayed someone in the same way but perhaps you have betrayed yourself or others in some other way. Ask yourself, have I ever betrayed (or whatever the issue may be) someone else or myself in a different way and journal with whatever comes up. Explore your anger until you find out what needs to change inside of you and, possibly, what outer changes you may also want to make. Ask your anger how it can be used in a healing capacity.

Reflection: To get a deeper understanding of your anger ask yourself, “what are the lessons my anger is trying to teach me?” Repeat this question at least five times so you can get beneath the surface of your anger to what is happening deep within yourself. Also ask yourself, “what do I emotionally experience as I tell my story?” As you gain greater understanding do you begin to experience your emotions differently. Please share your thoughts on www.facebook.com/7steps to forgiveness, twitter @erborris or www.linkedin.com/in/dreileenborris

As always, I am interested in hearing about your experience and welcome all your comments, so please feel free to share your thoughts on this blog. I am looking forward to hearing from you.
For more information on learning how to forgive go to “Finding Forgiveness: A 7-Step Program for Letting Go of Anger and Bitterness” by Eileen R. Borris-Dunchunstang.