The Practice of Forgiveness With Dr. Loren Toussaint

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Does time really heal all wounds? In this engaging podcast episode, host Eileen Borris talks with health psychologist Loren Toussaint about the multifaceted nature of forgiveness. They discuss how forgiveness is an intentional process akin to developing healthy habits, debunking the myth that time heals all wounds. The conversation delves into how forgiveness can be practiced daily to improve mental health and social relationships.

Eileen and Loren also explore the role of spirituality in forgiveness and the applicability of forgiveness principles in building cohesive communities. The episode aims to elevate understanding and practice of forgiveness in both personal and political spheres as a means to foster social change.

Dr. Loren Toussaint is a professor of psychology at Luther College in Decorah, Iowa. His research examines and encourages “everyday forgiveness” to build resilience and minimize stress in families, schools, healthcare, workplaces, and communities. Everyday forgiveness is taught through the Forgiveness Foundation which is an education and outreach organization emphasizing the role of forgiveness in building resilience and encouraging personal growth. Dr. Toussaint and colleagues recently published a compendium of research titled: Forgiveness and Health: Scientific Evidence and Theories Relating Forgiveness to Better Health.

Where to Find Dr. Toussaint

Facebook: @loren.toussaint

Twitter: @LorenToussaint

LinkedIn: Loren Toussaint

Email: touslo01@luther.edu

forgivenessfoundation.org

luther.edu/faculty/loren-toussaint

 

Dr. Eileen Borris is a clinical and political psychologist who has pioneered the concept of political forgiveness on the individual, community and national level. She has addressed the United Nations and has worked for over 30 years to build peace in areas of conflict around the world, including Rwanda, South Africa, Liberia, Nigeria, Ethiopia, and the Middle East. Eileen is the author of Finding Forgiveness: A 7 Step Program for Letting Go of Anger and Bitterness and the creator of Healing the Divide, a program that trains leaders and other individuals interested in applying the principles of political forgiveness to transform their lives and create social change.

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Book: Finding Forgiveness: A 7 Step Program for Letting Go of Anger and Bitterness

 

00:00 Introduction to Political Forgiveness

00:45 Meet Loren Toussaint: Expert on Forgiveness

01:20 Defining Forgiveness: Beyond Letting Go

04:58 The Intentionality of Forgiveness

07:16 Forgiveness as a Daily Practice

12:33 Building Forgiving Communities

21:22 Spiritual Foundations of Forgiveness

31:45 Final Thoughts and Contact Information

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Special Podcast Preview! Season 1

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Inspiring Forgiveness Stories and Expert Guests

I’m so excited about the interviews I’ve been doing for Season 1 of my new podcast, Political Forgiveness: Voices of Peace, that I can’t wait to share them with you. So here’s an exclusive preview of some of my upcoming guests — experts in the field, sharing their knowledge and insight, speaking to the power of forgiveness in the healing of individuals, our communities, and our nation. Humanity is at a turning point, and to face the present challenges requires psychological and spiritual growth through forgiveness.

“A lot of people talk about forgiveness theory, and I’m turning theory into practice.” — Dr. Eileen Borris

 

Meet Your Host

Dr. Eileen Borris is a clinical and political psychologist who’s worked in war-torn nations like Rwanda, South Africa, Liberia, Nigeria, the Middle East, Afghanistan and Ethiopia to build forgiveness and reconciliation. She’s also the author of Finding Forgiveness: A 7 Step Program for Letting Go of Anger and Bitterness. Eileen has spoken to members of the UN and develops pioneering programs around political forgiveness.

Listen to Episode One Now! Dr. Fred Luskin

Director of the Stanford University Forgiveness Projects, Dr. Luskin is the author of several best-selling books on forgiveness. He teaches mindfulness and happiness to business executives from around the world and has been interviewed hundreds of times in worldwide media.

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LISTEN NOW!

Coming Soon!

New episodes drop on the second Wednesday of every month.

Dr. Loren Toussaint

A professor of psychology at Luther College in Decorah, Iowa, Dr. Toussaint is a researcher examining virtues, especially forgiveness, and how they are related to health and well-being. He directs the Laboratory for the Investigation of Mind, Body, and Spirit at Luther College.

Father Leonel Narváez

Father Narváez is a priest and sociologist with the Consolata Missionaries and has participated in peace negotiations in East Africa and the Amazon. He founded the Foundation for Reconciliation based in Bogota, Colombia, where he developed the ESPERE methodology based in forgiveness and reconciliation.

Mary Noble

Mary Noble is the co-founder and CEO of Feminenza, a nonprofit organization, which had its beginnings in 2000 with a gathering of some 400 women from all corners of the world. Feminenza works towards a greater mutuality between genders to establish a more humane and peaceful world. Mary gives training programs in forgiveness. And her work in teaching about forgiveness is extraordinary.

Libby Hoffman

Libby Hoffman is the founder and president of Catalyst for Peace and co-founder of Fambul Tok in Sierra Leone. Her award-winning book The Answers Are There: Building Peace from the Inside Out chronicles the journey of Fambul Tok in Sierra Leone from post-war community reconciliation to national policy framework. She also produced the award-winning documentary, Fambul Tok.

Ambassador Anwarul K. Chowdhury

Amb. Chowdhury has been a career diplomat and Permanent Representative of Bangladesh to the United Nations. He held many positions of leadership within the UN and UNICEF. As president of the Security Council he was instrumental in many groundbreaking resolutions on women, peace and security, including the adoption of the landmark program on the Culture of Peace by the UN General Assembly.

Julia Roig

An organizer at heart, Julia Roig is the founder and Chief Network Weaver of the Horizons Project. She focuses on building broader alliances for pro-democracy movements and weaves narrative engagement across differences. She is a renowned public speaker, facilitator, trainer, and author, able to connect deeply with different constituencies within civil society, social movements, governments, and corporations.

Book Time With Eileen Now

Personal Forgiveness Coaching

Want to go deeper with a personal forgiveness issue? Eileen is available for remote, one-on-one personal consulting, and to help you let go of your emotional pain. LEARN MORE

Forgiveness Consulting

The process of forgiving creates openness, authenticity and teamwork. Contact Eileen today to work with your organization to manage a transition, encourage a culture of forgiveness or more. LEARN MORE

Inspirational Speaker

Your civic group or conference audience can enjoy an informative and engaging conversation with Eileen as they ask questions during her keynote in the style of a “living room conversation” format. LEARN MORE

Forgiveness is the Highest Form of Love

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February is a month people are thinking about love. There are all types of love — from the love of your pet to a best friend to the romantic love towards your significant other. But the highest form of love is that of forgiveness. Forgiveness teaches us about unconditional love. It is not only loving those who are easy to love and who are close to us, but it allows us to love those who are opposite from us and hold views different from us — possibly even those who have done great harm to us.

It is through forgiveness that we learn about ourselves. We become aware of the lens we choose to see the world through, recognizing that what we see in others is what is so hard for us to see within ourselves. When we own that, we are beginning to see someone else in a different light, a more forgiving light. Even when taking a very small step, this begins to open our hearts and light a spark of love within ourselves that touches a deeper love: that of our humanity. It goes directly to the unity that connects all of us — to a higher awareness of the truth of who we are — human beings coming from the same creative source and whose inner being is a spiritual essence.

To learn to love deeply requires forgiveness to become a practice. Most people think of forgiveness as a one-time event. But speak to someone who has had a very painful experience, yet sincerely wanted to let go of their anger and pain and chose forgiveness. They will tell you it was a process, and it took time to work through the grief to get to the other side and to finally be able to forgive. It is this kind of commitment to the work of forgiveness that will change us. And it is this kind of work which helps us shift into a higher form of consciousness where our default is not anger or the need for revenge, but wanting to understand where this person is coming from, and what was the psychological landscape that brought this person to where he or she is today. This kind of thinking will help us see our world with greater understanding, compassion, empathy, and, yes, possibly love for what we all struggle with: the human condition. What greater love is there than giving someone total acceptance of who we are as human beings, recognizing that within all of us is a spiritual being, however deeply buried that may be. This is the essence of deeply held love.

The poet Alexander Pope once wrote, “To err is human, to forgive divine.” Forgiveness is one of the most difficult things we are asked to do, and at times it can feel impossible. Yet even in today’s world, where we hear so much talk about revenge and retribution, some people manage to forgive with amazing grace.

A Forgiveness Story: The Amish Community at Nickel Mines, Pennsylvania

One such story, which has touched many of us, happened on October 2, 2005, when Carl Roberts entered a one-room schoolhouse in the Amish community of Nickel Mines, Pennsylvania. He lined up 11 young girls and shot them at point-blank range. Roberts killed five of the girls and then killed himself. In an amazing act of courage the oldest girl, 13-year-old Marian Fisher asked Roberts to shoot her first. She hoped that she could spare the lives of the younger girls. And what was even more remarkable was that, just a few hours after the shooting, an Amish neighbor went to the Roberts family to comfort them and to offer forgiveness.

A grandfather of one of the girls killed was telling the boys to forgive what had just happened as they prepared the body of one of the little girls for burial. Five days later the families who lost their daughters attended the funeral of the man who had killed them. They went not in anger or for retribution, but to comfort the family and let them know that all was forgiven.

How were the Amish able to forgive? It was because the Amish have an enormous capacity to see things differently. Forgiveness is woven into the fabric of the Amish way of life. The more we are willing to entertain the thought of forgiveness, the more we, too, can experience it. The Amish never lost sight of the fact that, above all else, Roberts was a human being. They did not vilify him, and they were able to see beyond Robert’s actions and recognize not only his weaknesses but his goodness. They were able to see beyond their egos to what can be called seeing with spiritual sight. This gave the Amish the ability to sympathize with his family for their loss and move forward with compassion and not vengeful hate. This is one of the keys to learning how to forgive, looking past the outer behavior and understanding there is a spiritual essence within all of us.

Forgiveness as Grace and Healing

Forgiveness is not about letting someone off the hook. It is about your personal inner healing. It is about being able to tell your story, to listen to the wisdom of what your anger has to say and recognizing there is more to the story. On a deeper level it is about changing the way we think, which includes embracing our spiritual nature and the spiritual nature of even those who have hurt us. The process of forgiveness helps us to understand the pain and suffering of others, especially when we can say, “Why them?” instead of “Why me?” What has happened in their lives which has made them who they are today?

As we struggle with our own difficulties in being able to forgive, we also open ourselves up to a benevolent force which is far more powerful than we could ever be. This creative force, that is sometimes experienced as grace, is that inexplicable power which comes from something beyond us. This power gives us the ability to forgive, even when we feel within our hearts forgiveness is humanly impossible. When it happens, you can feel the power and presence of a higher intervention which transforms your relationships as you experience an outpouring of this inexplicable love.

This is the love which enabled the Amish to pray for everyone involved in what took place on October 2, not only for the innocent little girls who got killed and those still to recover, but for the killer himself. They knew expressing love would bring about healing for all those concerned, whereas taking on the same resentment as the attacker would only support evil and allow it to spread.

As we think about what it means to love and be loved this month, ask yourself — are you ready to embark on a journey which may be difficult at times but which can give you something that is a most precious gift: love itself. For if you really think about why we are here it is not necessarily to amass wealth or power, but to love and be loved. Happy Valentines Day!

Jimmy Carter: A Man Who Knew Forgiveness

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Jimmy Carter was a complicated man, a humble peacemaker, and he could also be fiercely competitive. He held on to grievances and yet he was also a Baptist Sunday school teacher who believed in forgiveness and recognized the good in people. This added to the complexity of who Jimmy Carter was.

Carter had many political rivals who he held strong emotions towards. Gerald Ford, Edward Kennedy, and the Clintons were just a few of the difficult relationships. During his 1976 presidential run, Carter spoke of Ford as being “incompetent, and his policies morally and politically and intellectually bankrupt,” as reported by The Washington Post. Over time Carter had a change of heart, which can only come about through a practice of forgiveness. He came to praise Ford as reflected in his inaugural address: “For myself and for our nation, I want to thank my predecessor for all he has done to heal our land.” Carter received a standing ovation for his kind words. Later these men began working closely together as well as becoming very intimate friends.

Carter described his relationship with Ford “as the closest bond between any two former presidents,” both of whom made a pact that the one who lived longer would speak at the other’s funeral. In 2006 it was Carter who spoke at Ford’s funeral. The men and both their wives had become exceptionally close. Carter’s words at the funeral reflected his feelings in saying, “The four of us learned to love each other,” as Betty Ford nodded and Rosalynn Carter dabbed tears from her eyes. In January of 2025, during Carter’s funeral, Steven Ford read the eulogy his father wrote, which spoke of his love and appreciation for Carter.

The same two men once traded insults and accusations as they competed for the presidency. But The Washington Post reported that, at the funeral for the 39th president, the 38th president eulogized: “Now is a time to say goodbye, our grief comforted with the joy and the thanksgiving of knowing this man, this beloved man, this very special man. He has given the gift of years, and the American people and the people of the world will be forever blessed by his decades of good works. Jimmy Carter’s legacy of peace and compassion will remain unique as it is timeless.” This relationship speaks to the power of forgiveness, which Jimmy Carter embraced.

Although Carter did not make peace with all his political opponents, he was determined to reconcile with as many as he could. With Ford, fences mended quickly. With Edward Kennedy reconciliation came more slowly. Perhaps it was Carter’s recognition of how politics was dividing the nation that made him realize the importance of “cleaning up his own house,” his own personal fractures, one at a time. The consciousness of forgiveness is who he was, and he understood the importance of building relationships, especially in the political world.

The Camp David Peace Accords

The Camp David peace accords was Carters most lasting achievement. It was Ford who helped Carter build a relationship with Egyptian president Anwar Sadat, which began to pave the way for the Camp David peace accords. Between January 1977 and September 1978 President Carter worked closely with Sadat and Israeli Prime Minister Menachem Begin to find a way to bring these men to the negotiating table. Carter realized just as the relationship between Egypt and Israel was laden with distrust and doubt, so too was the relationship between Sadat and Begin.

Throughout 1977 there were separate conversations and visits between Carter, Sadat and Begin, without either side budging from their entrenched positions. Finally Carter invited both men to come to Camp David for a series of private talks scheduled in September 1978. There were many heated arguments and a great deal of frustration and disappointment. Toward the end of the talks, Begin’s foreign minister told Sadat that Israel would never compromise on certain major issues. Sadat and his staff began packing their bags and asked for a helicopter to take them back to Washington so they could return home. Carter spoke to Sadat, reminding him of his promises to Carter and the global importance of his role as peacemaker, and convinced the Egyptian president to stay.

By the 13th day the men had reached an impasse. It was now Begin who decided to call it quits. Carter was asked to call for a car so Begin could leave behind Camp David and all possibilities for a real chance at an Israeli-Egyptian peace.

As Begin and his team were packing their bags Carter, knowing the prime minister’s love for his eight grandchildren, personally inscribed each of their names on photographs of the three men taken a week earlier during a visit to Gettysburg, along with messages expressing his hope that one day there would be peace. Carter then walked over to Begin’s cabin and hand delivered the photos. As Begin read the handwritten notes on the photos, his lips began to quiver and his eyes filled with tears. He realized his responsibility to his people, and especially what happens to children in war. According to carterschool.gmu.edu, Begin “put his bags down and said, ‘Mr. President, I’ll make one last try.’ Six months later, in March of 1979, Egypt and Israel signed a peace treaty that would end three decades of violent conflict between both countries.”

The success of the Camp David accords was possible, in part, because all three men were able to talk to each other directly and deeply and got to know each other as fellow human beings. There was a fraught personal relationship between Begin and Sadat that nearly derailed the entire peace process. It was President Carter’s personal touch and understanding of the importance of relationships in a political peace process that changed the tide of events. He learned the importance of letting go of grievances and the necessity of reconciling with people, which can only happen through the practice of forgiveness. He used this knowledge in developing relationships with others, leading to decades of peace between Israel and Egypt for which Carter was awarded a Nobel Peace Prize in 2002.

Using Power for the Good of Others

Protestant theologian Reinhold Niebuhr once said; “The sad duty of politics is to establish justice in a sinful world.” Carter understood this and recognized that we have a duty to make this world better, but our capacities are limited. He also knew that this country has a soul, that there is good and bad — but what is most important is having the commitment to establishing justice in an unjust world.

We admire Carter, not just for particular policies but for having the ability to amass power and use it for the good of others, leaving the world in a little better place. Yes, there was the Camp David accords and other achievements that happened during Carter’s life, but his greatest gift was showing us how to express our better angels. He rose from a very poor beginning to the pinnacle of power and never strayed from being in touch with himself. He held firmly to his beliefs and what he valued with the recognition that our worth does not come from outside of ourselves, but what is within us. He wanted to make a gentler world and he did. It is now up to us to carry that torch to make this a better country and a more compassionate world.

 

SOURCES

Mary Jordan and Kevin Sullivan, The Washington Post, “Jimmy Carter Made Enemies, then Peace,” December 31, 2024

Toluse Olorunnipa, The Washington Post, “Gerald Ford, in eulogy read by son, calls Carter his ‘old friend,’ ” January 9, 2025

carterschool.gmu.edu, Audrey Williams, “Camp David, Hal Saunders, and Responsibility in Peacemaking,” Accessed January 14, 2025

Reinhold Niebuhr, Love and Justice: Selections from the Shorter Writings of Reinhold Niebuhr, Westminster John Knox Press, 1992

To Forgive or Not to Forgive: That Is the Question

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Anger, grievances, vengeance — we can’t stop hearing about how people are feeling, especially the pain that swirls around us. After a while we begin to feel so emotionally drained that it’s exhausting. Perhaps we’re hearing the barrage of negativity from others, or are holding on tightly to our own grievances. Whatever it is, the emotional undertow is dragging us down.

Perhaps we need to forgive. What? Are you kidding? This may be the dialogue spinning around in your head. But before you try to find the exit door, you may want to stop and think about this for a moment: There are benefits to what many of us find so hard to do. First, we must understand what forgiveness is not and is.

What Forgiveness Is Not

Forgiveness is not about forgetting. When painful events happen to us it is unrealistic to think we can just forget about it. What does happen when we are able to forgive is that we don’t dwell on what has happened and are able to control how we feel about the situation.

Forgiveness also doesn’t mean that you let someone off the hook. People need to be held accountable for their actions. What forgiveness enables us to do is to let go of our emotional pain. Forgiveness is an inner process not an outward action, and this is why just because you can forgive it doesn’t mean that you need to reconcile. Forgiveness is about what is taking place inside of you. Reconciliation involves another person and engaging in building trust. There are times when it’s very possible, and maybe even wise, to forgive someone but not reconcile.

Unfortunately, people often associate forgiveness with weakness. Truth be told, many people are afraid to look within themselves and muster the emotional maturity to change their mindsets about someone else. It is easier for us to attack and blame rather than try to understand what happened and why. For many it is anxiety producing to delve within our own being—something many of us avoid.

Forgiveness is not something that happens quickly, nor is it usually a one-time event. It is an inner process that takes time. Our emotions need to be worked through for us to see a situation differently. Looking within ourselves and being honest with ourselves takes time and courage.

When we are unable to forgive, we are usually holding on to a grievance story, a story someone tells over and over again of being wronged. Grievance causes suffering; the more you focus on your grievance the stronger they become. People begin to ruminate over them, giving power over the grievance. As you continue to replay the incident in your head, what happened in the past only gets uglier. Over time, holding on to grievance can affect your mood, your relationships and your health. But there is a surprising countermeasure to grievance: forgiveness.

What Forgiveness Is

So, what is forgiveness? Forgiveness is a cognitive and emotional process that lessens anger and grievance, the desire for revenge, and helps stop rumination. It is decision, a choice not to see the world through the lens of anger and bitterness, but through a greater understanding. It is choosing to let go of negative emotions toward someone who has harmed you. In so doing, you are taking back control of your emotional well-being and choosing not to be a victim twice over. Forgiveness helps you develop greater awareness, greater insight and better judgment. It gets you out of the past which you cannot change and helps create a new healing narrative, developing a new perspective and a chance for inner peace.

Forgiveness is powerful. It is transformative. What makes that so is our willingness to look within ourselves. And this is what also makes forgiveness frightening. It can bring up feelings of vulnerability and have us question who we truly are, possibly even getting to the core of our identity. Forgiveness arises both from within us and outside the place of hurt. It necessitates a degree of openness and the ability to reach out, beyond ourselves to others, even when we would rather resist engaging with the person who has hurt us. This is what frightens us and, at the same time, this is where forgiveness can be most transformative. Our inward journey that is so necessary, is what enables us to see the humanity of those responsible for our wounding, and when we forgive them, we are sanctioning them back into the world of our common humanity.

Science Confirms the Healing Power of Forgiveness

If for no other reason, to be willing to forgive is very pragmatic. There have been numerous scientific studies which have highlighted the healing power of forgiveness. These studies focusing on forgiveness training have shown a reduction in stress, depression, anxiety, and anger, and an increase in hopefulness, spiritual connection, better relationships and mental and physical well-being. Learning to forgive can have a healing effect on such illnesses as cardiovascular disease and cancer. Preliminary studies from research in allied fields such as psychology, medicine, and religion show that feeling more positive emotions such as gratitude, faith, and care have a positive impact on cardiovascular function.

Neuroscientists have also become interested in the neural systems of forgiveness. According to The Neural System of Forgiveness: An Evolutionary Psychological Perspective, forgiveness systems regulate interpersonal motivation toward a transgressor in the wake of harm by weighing multiple factors that influence both the potential gains of future interaction with the transgressor and the likelihood of harm.

In other words, is this relationship worth keeping in the future or not and if so, can we now forgive that person based on the worthiness and safety of the relationship. The article also describes in scientific terms what is going on in people’s brains when they are in the mindset of unforgiveness. Their focus was on neuroscientific research that links desire for vengeance to reward-based areas of the brain that singles out prefrontal areas likely associated with inhibition of vengeful feelings and that correlates the activity of the intentions and blameworthiness of those who commit harm. The neuroscientific findings presented here identify neural systems that may reflect the computational systems posited by the evolutionary model. (ibid.)

What does this mean for a political forgiveness process? When people enter into a political forgiveness process, most often they are stuck ruminating about their anger and grievances. These are the underlying emotions we need to be conscious of, emotions which other conflict resolution frameworks do not deal with. When you forgive, it leads to changes in your brain that improves your ability to regulate emotions and reactions. Activity in the amygdala, which processes fear and anger, decreases. Areas linked to empathy, positive feelings and emotional control become more active. This rewiring makes you less reactive and more compassionate over time. Forgiveness may also work by changing how the brain interprets and responds to social transgressions. Research addresses the importance of forgiveness not only in enhancing mental health but also in fostering social harmony which speaks to the importance of a political forgiveness process. A political forgiveness process deals directly with emotions that have fueled conflict, such as anger and the need for revenge, with the goal of healing these emotions and moving people away from the desire for revenge to a desire for something more positive. A political forgiveness process is directed toward helping people transition out of an unforgiving mindset and becoming more aware when they are in a mindset of unforgiveness. No other peacebuilding framework deals directly with this. Political forgiveness is a powerful tool for healing and a process that, when people are engaged, can lead to a more peaceful world.

SOURCES

The Neural System of Forgiveness: An Evolutionary Psychological Perspective, Joseph Billingsley, Elizabeth A. R. Losin, Frontiers in Psychology, 8:737. Doi: 10.3389/fpsyg.2017.00737.)

Are Grievances Running Our Nation and Is Political Forgiveness Our Way Out?

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On January 6, 2021, a date that will go down as one of the darkest in American history, a routine certification of presidential election results turned into a bloodbath of grievance. What happened at the US Capitol was not just the result of one election and the defeat of then-President Donald Trump, it was the culmination of years of adding kindling to the bonfire. On January 6, the words and actions of one man, encouraging his mob of supporters to believe him, resulted in an insurrection against the United States Congress at the US Capitol building in Washington, D.C.

Americans are deeply divided over why the insurrection happened, most assuming the split reflects bitter partisan politics. Although we may think that the insurrection was about the Big Lie or that the 2020 presidential election was stolen, what motivated the rioters that day was the notion that the United States is for white people whose power must be protected at all costs. The slogan, “Stop the steal,” was not only referring to the belief in a rigged election, it was also referring to the sense of status being stolen, the resentment that Black people and other minority groups were using race to gain unfair advantage. It is a metaphor for what some people are feeling is happening in our country: their status is being stolen and they feel threatened. White grievance, according to Robert Pape, a professor of political science at the University of Chicago, was the primary motivation for January 6. According to Pape, “There is a clear racial cleavage that you see in our data and that is what is also captured in the ‘great replacement theory.” Racial resentment was a crucial factor among white Americans who supported the January 6 attack on the United States Capitol.

Not all grievances are created equal. The protests over the killing of George Floyd and the resulting Black Lives Matter protests are examples of grievances that need to be heard and dealt with. Genuine grievances stemming from personal experiences are grievances that need to be listened to. The grievances at the heart of the protests that have erupted in hundreds of US cities need to be heard and addressed if the country is to move on from its tragic history of racism and violence.

A large majority of US citizens are beginning to accept the long history of racism, and the legacy of racist ideas and structures left behind, according to Simon Clark, writing for the Center for American Progress. “The recent protests and public reaction to George Floyd’s murder are a testament to many individuals’ deep commitment to renewing the founding ideals of the republic. But there is another, more dangerous, side to this debate—one that seeks to rehabilitate toxic political notions of racial superiority, stokes fear of immigrants and minorities to inflame grievances for political ends, and attempts to build a notion of an embattled white majority which has to defend its power by any means necessary.”

Violence and, in particular, political violence seems to be feeding into a cacophony of grievances, loudly broadcast through our airwaves and any other form of conceivable communication. Racism and political violence fueled by grievances touch every aspect of our personal and political lives, creating a great division and polarizing our country. How do we heal this?

We need to understand the nature of racial resentment. If we only focus on “racism” it runs the risk of continued polarization and makes healing more difficult. Using anger and violence to intimidate shuts down communication; people will not listen to one another, rendering any healing process or reconciliation impossible. Everyone needs to be treated with respect, to feel safe, to have their voices heard and feelings worked out, in order for a change of mindset to occur. This is the premise of any political forgiveness process, for people to feel safe and be heard, to share deeply about themselves and to deeply hear one another.

Political forgiveness is an act that joins truth, tolerance, empathy, and a commitment to repair fractured human relationships to support a process of conflict transformation. To stop the cycles of anger, hatred, and fear fueling so much suffering requires a radical change in our thinking, which involves changing our mindsets. We change mindsets by seeing each other through a different lens, not one of anger and fear toward one another, but through understanding the psychological landscape where all of us have come from, and gaining an understanding for what we have all been through. This enables us to reframe the past by giving it a new narrative which can support societal change.

A political forgiveness process begins with individual understanding: for all of us to get in touch with why we feel the way we do. It’s important to understand how our grievances, our resentments, began, and to create a meaningful story. It’s not easy to develop peace within oneself, especially when we feel mistreated—and this is what a grievance is about, we feel that something happened we didn’t want to happen, or that some event we really hoped for simply didn’t occur. Ultimately a grievance forms because something in our life turned out to be radically different from what we wanted, and we feel unfairly treated.

Our grievances form when we don’t have the skills to deal with our reality and don’t know how to communicate with one another, focusing too much on the injustice we feel. A political forgiveness process helps people learn those skills of how to work through grievances and to develop the necessary skills and the mindset, which can lead to resolutions. As part of the process, people come together and learn to deeply hear and communicate with one another, engage in a dialogue process and with a greater openness to one another and to discuss how they can come together to create societal change. As a deeper healing takes place among people with different views and concerns, this country can develop a culture of political forgiveness and peaceful co-existence that can become the foundation for societal change by healing emotions that have fueled polarization and by developing skills that can be used — including forgiveness skills to foster better relationships in one’s personal life — within communities and within nations. By developing a new way of thinking through a political forgiveness process, participants deepen their ability to reframe situations, thereby creating a new vision, which includes a healing narrative, accepting one another as legitimate partners in creating a more peaceful society.

 

Sources

American Myths Are Made of White Grievance—and the January 6 Big Lie is Just the Latest, Anthony Conwright, Jan.–Feb. 2023 issue, Mother Jones.)

How White Supremacy Returned to Mainstream Politics, Simon Clark, Center for American Progress

Being Valued, Seen, and Heard in a Polarized Society

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Roelf Meyer, a prominent South African politician and privileged member of Afrikaner society, may have become President of South Africa had the system of apartheid not come to an end. Yet Meyer became one of the key people who convinced President F.W. de Klerk to release Nelson Mandela from prison, and then subsequently led the negotiating team of the white-minority government in the talks to end apartheid, according to the book Beyond Conflict. How was Meyer able to make a shift in his thinking, moving away from his initial beliefs of racial superiority and developing a greater awareness of the importance of equality for all?

During the time when Meyer started practicing law, he was confronted with the reality that Blacks and other non-white South Africans had no constitutional rights, and as such began to grapple with his personal sense of fairness and justice. In a story recounted in Beyond Conflict, Meyer described a young Black boy sitting in the back of a white farmer’s pick-up truck, along with the farmer’s dog. It began to rain, and the farmer stopped the truck to get his dog and put him in the cab, leaving the boy in the back of the truck to be drenched in the rain. Struck by the profound act of humiliation and insensitivity to the young boy, Meyer began to think more and more about the blatant racism found in his country.

At one point during his political life, Meyer was given an assignment by President P.W. Botha to learn why Black people were rioting. While spending eighteen months visiting Black townships to gain an understanding of the unrest, he started to recognize that, although he was an elected representative to Parliament, he in no way represented the people of South Africa. Rather, he only represented a tiny white minority whose advantages and privileges he could no longer morally support. It became clear to Meyer, at least on an intellectual level, that there was a critical need for social and political change to take place. On an emotional level, Meyer wasn’t there yet. It wasn’t until years later, that he completed his personal journey, making a paradigm shift and leaving the thoughts of Black inferiority behind, realizing that South Africa’s future could only be based on equality for all. It is this type of thinking and changing of mindsets that opens one up to be willing to work with others—not only as a leader but in a healing capacity.

The course of Meyer’s personal transformation, from a pragmatic shift in his thinking to a much deeper, more personal paradigm shift, did not happen overnight, and fundamentally involved more of an emotional understanding rather than an intellectual one. As Meyer would say “It involves deeply personal values and passions and has to come from the soul.”

Unity Takes Center Stage

What can we learn from this story, especially within the context of what is currently taking place in the United States? Changing mindsets begins when we are willing to get to know the “other,” to listen to their stories and understand their realities. We cannot understand the other side without knowing the other side. Change is something we all must be challenged with at some point, whether in the political arena or in our social lives. Our democracy depends on it.

Meyer’s story also shows that instead of hating one another, we could focus on working with each other. This unity needs to take center stage if we want to combat all that divides us. More importantly, our focus needs to be on making systemic changes and connecting with each other to make that happen. We need to develop courage within ourselves to face what is going on and to stand up to what is wrong. And we need to ask ourselves, “What does it mean to be an American?” Just as Meyer went to the Black townships to gain an understanding of the different realities, we need to become aware of what the different groups of Americans’ lived realities are, and to experience these realities of who we think of as the “other.” In this spirit of inclusivity, we are saying to one another “I see you.”

All the elements we have just talked about are important steps in a political forgiveness intervention. Taking responsibility for one’s thinking is critical to creating a paradigm shift. It is the transformation of mindsets and the building of trust that creates this lasting change. One needs to understand that, by engaging in a collective form of forgiveness on a political level, it is possible to bring antagonistic groups together in a healing capacity, to prevent senseless bickering, grievances, and polarization and to ensure instances such as this will not happen again.

A Political Forgiveness Research Project

Currently I’m developing a political forgiveness research project in the U.S. to reduce polarization by quieting anger and intolerance, as well as enabling participants to tolerate diverse views, better articulate one’s own point of view, increase self-awareness of bias, and to link a political forgiveness intervention to societal change. The purpose of the project is to bring people together who hold different political views and train them to engage with one another in a constructive way.

This is designed as a four-session training program. The first session focuses on defining forgiveness and political forgiveness, the differences and overlap between interpersonal forgiveness and political forgiveness, and why political forgiveness is necessary. The second and third sessions focus on building the basic skills of forgiveness, including letting go of grievances and petty anger, learning how to change mindsets and how to be more understanding and tolerant of one another. Session four takes a deeper dive, teaching deep listening skills that enable us to feel valued, heard, and seen. Participants will have the opportunity to take part in a dialogue process, the “logics of truth” where they can share their own truths, their hopes and fears, and discuss what a societal healing process might look like, linking political forgiveness to social change.

Political Forgiveness Training for Members of Congress

It is anticipated that one of the ways this program can have great impact is by offering it to incoming freshmen entering Congress in Arizona, my home state, or in any other state. Teaching freshmen these skills before they start working in Congress will enable them to have better working relationships and be more effective in the work they will be doing. And if we can all learn these skills, our personal and social lives would be more rewarding.

Why is this political forgiveness training so important?  Sacred traditions have a deep understanding of human psychology and tell us that the development of the ego is not the final state of human evolution. The idea that humans can grow beyond ego to divine self-transcendence is crucial to our understanding of forgiveness. Forgiveness on an individual level, which lays the foundation of a political forgiveness process, can be very powerful, even transformative. Forgiveness helps us tap into the deeper meaning of what it is to be human and helps us develop those transcendental values that are not about self-interest but about become more caring human beings.

Transcendence is considered one of the highest states of consciousness where we are focused on things beyond the self, such as a spiritual awakening or service to others. It informs the way we think, so instead of seeing the world through the lens of our fears, insecurities, and need for power, we see the world through the understanding of our interconnectedness. We are not reacting out of our ego’s self-interest, but coming from a more spiritual place within ourselves and are more concerned about the highest good for all. These are the values that are missing in our discourse. Until we begin to develop those values, such as wisdom, generosity, fairness, truth, forgiveness and human dignity, we will stay stuck in our fear-based thinking—an “us vs. them”—thinking which feeds into the chaos and polarization we are experiencing today.

Be Part of the Research Project

For those of you who would like to participate in the political forgiveness research project, you will be at the forefront of creating a positive change. Not only will you experience feeling more peaceful within yourself by learning how to let go of grievances and petty anger, but you will also learn how to build a community by building trust and developing healthier relationships with one another. You will learn how to change mindsets where people can accept one another as legitimate partners and engage in a process linking forgiveness to societal change, building a culture of political forgiveness in our country instead of fostering more anger and bitterness. This is an exciting research project opened to anyone interested in bringing people together, bridging the political divide and reducing polarization in the United States. It will be a virtual program, offered nationwide. If interested please email me at erborris@gmail.com.

Source for Roelf Meyer story: Beyond Conflict: 20 years of Putting Experience To Work For Peace by Timothy Phillips, Brideswell Books, 2013

Political Forgiveness and the Healing of Nations

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Keynote Address to Ethiopia Symposium on Higher Education for Post-Conflict Transformation

This is a condensed version of the keynote speech delivered by Eileen Borris in Addis Ababa on November 6, 2023.

It is such an honor and a pleasure to be invited to Ethiopia and to meet such wonderful people committed to building peace, and to be part of such an exceptional interdisciplinary team. I am grateful to be here.

Political forgiveness is an act that joins truth, tolerance, empathy, and a commitment to repair fractured human relationships in order to support a process of conflict transformation. Theologian Dr. Donald Shriver Jr defines political forgiveness as “a collective turning from the past that neither overlooks justice nor reduces justice to revenge, that insists on the humanity of enemies even in their commission of dehumanizing deeds and values the justice that restores political community above the justice that destroys it.”

In her book, The Human Condition, Jewish philosopher Hannah Arendt commented: “Without being forgiven, released from the consequences of what we have done, our capacity to act would, as it were, be confined to one single deed from which we could never recover, not unlike the sorcerer’s apprentice who lacked the magic formula to break the spell.”

Both Arendt and Shiver understood the importance of political forgiveness—especially in the healing of nations—for without it, the same wars would be fought repeatedly. A political forgiveness process recognizes the importance of justice, healing, and reconciliation as part of post-conflict reconstruction in countries that have experienced forms of protracted violence and civil wars.

Columbia and the Logics of Truth

As we begin the political forgiveness process we are, in a sense, setting the table by creating the space for vulnerable and honest conversations to take place. This sets apart a political forgiveness process from other peacebuilding processes, precisely by focusing on healing the emotions that fuel conflicts to begin with.

The Colombian truth and reconciliation commission has been the only commission that has recognized the importance of healing emotional wounds before reconciliation could take place and included a dialogue process, the “logics of truth” as part of its process. This too is part of the political forgiveness model. People are first asked to only speak of the events that have happened. Once the events have been established the group begins to discuss the meaning or significance of those events. They are then asked, why did these events happen? Again, people come up with many different versions of “truth” since there is not one truth but many. The commission may spend days trying to clarify why these events happened.

When there is a clear understanding of why things happened the way they did, the commission focuses on the third logic of how to overcome what has happened. How can we overcome the problem of these heart-rending events, and how are we going to overcome the logics of violence? The work here is on finding solutions to these problems which have caused the violence. Sometimes this could mean meeting with other groups, writing a letter, asking forgiveness, or letting others know that we have forgiven them. The last logic of truth is healing, and healing has to do with forgiveness. This work has become the backbone of Colombia’s Commission for the Clarification of Truth, Coexistence, and Non-Repetition.

The Future of Ethiopia

I want to thank all of you for listening to something very dear to my heart — healing nations through political forgiveness. Just as Columbia made the impossible become possible, this can happen, too, in Ethiopia.

The Joint Peace Network is a wonderful place to start. Universities supporting the network can become centers of reconciliation and educate people about forgiveness and political forgiveness, teaching the necessary skills to empower people in building the foundation for a culture of political forgiveness and peace. Universities can host a broad range of programs, workshops, and “healing circles” that tackle the issues at hand and the disparities that stem from them. These campus centers can develop a network of facilitators and programs designed to undo harmful stereotypes, rewrite damaging narratives and train people to dismantle false beliefs at the grassroots level.

Change in the world comes from individuals, from inner peace in individual hearts. Just as ripples spread out when a single pebble is dropped into water, the actions of individuals can have far-reaching effects.

— HH the Dalai Lama

It is possible to do the impossible. We can all take part in bringing this country back together. It begins with a willingness to heal, listen, and respect one another. We can start to lower the temperature by engaging in honest conversation, changing mindsets and writing a narrative that becomes a healing narrative. Forgiveness and political forgiveness will be the key to achieving this.

If we develop the skills and the mindset of forgiveness, we can then extend it to the people we feel close to, which from there can spread to the groups we associate with and the communities we are a part of. If we can begin to look out for each other and be kinder to one another, this can begin a profound healing process. Let us quiet all the noise that divides us, that pits us against one another, and let the voices of our better angels guide us.

Peace Is Not Just the Absence of War

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If I were to ask you what do we mean by peace, most people would speak of it as the absence of war. Peace is more than that. It is a state of mind, a way of being that can only happen when we are centered within ourselves. It happens when we are in touch with the essence of who we are, our spiritual essence. When people have a committed spiritual practice such as meditation or prayer, we see a calmness about them, a peacefulness of sorts. And when people come from a place of inner peace, that exudes outwardly in this world.

We can also ask ourselves what do we mean by justice. I am not talking about criminal justice we hear about in the courts but a higher justice. It is the kind of justice that recognizes all people are accorded basic human rights and transcends divisions of class, race, nationality and the many “isms” that can separate us. The virtue of justice requires not only that we judge others fairly but also that we judge ourselves fairly. Our sense of justice is formed by our beliefs. Just people are wise in the ways of fairness, equality and mercy. People who believe in justice question themselves, are aware of their own mistakes and so they are forgiving of others.

Working for justice is a spiritual practice. It increases our awareness of the interrelatedness of all people and the interdependence of life. Only a quest for justice can awaken our spiritual perception. A commitment to justice may foster a renewed perception of this spiritual reality — as we feel the suffering of others who we regard as strangers with our own selves. It is this kind of empathy which helps us be able to forgive.

This brings me to the work of forgiveness. Social transformation is brought about when individuals and groups are willing to be changed, even as they strive to change the world. Forgiveness, our inner healer is about change. To forgive on a transformational level we have to look within ourselves and shine a light on our darkness to be healed at a deep level. When we truly can forgive, we are given the gift of the experience of inexplicable love which changes us so as though there has been an interior renovation which has taken place and has no need for outer instruction. We have experienced the power of unconditional love and of the knowing or our spiritual connectiveness. The way we cultivate peace in our own hearts that is so powerful that we can weather any storm is through our connection with our spiritual self. The path that gets us there is through forgiveness. This is how forgiveness changes us and transforms us. The way this happens is as we shine a light on ourselves, we also recognize the light in others. It is through this lens that we view justice and know peace. This is where our greatest transformation lies.

‘Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. without them humanity cannot survive.’ — the Dalai Lama

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I was talking to a dear friend of mine, Father Leonel Narváez who has been very involved with the issues of political forgiveness especially in Colombia, his home. I asked him what was his inspiration for his tireless work in forgiveness. What he said was no surprise.

“The importance of forgiveness came to me when riding my bike through a cemetery. I was thinking about death and our finite life. If you are able to understand that your life will end you would understand why you should not hold on to hate and realize that anger and hate are such a burden.”

As he shared these words it reminded me of something else. I remembered reading a book written by a hospice doctor, Dr. John Lerma. In his book Dr. Lerma shared stories from people nearing death. Their messages where all very similar: They talked in depth about the importance of self-love, self-forgiveness and having loving relationships while here on earth. They too reminded us that everyone here has a purpose — which is to learn how to love unconditionally and to forgive — and that unconditional love and random acts of kindness raise the vibrational level of humanity and spiritual growth for all of us here on earth. These stories were not only mystifying, but very healing and uplifting. Dr. Lerma’s conversation with his hospice patients, at the border between life and death, gives us all something to contemplate.

Gregg Braden, in his book “Walking Between the Worlds: Science of Compassion,” describes the opportunity forgiveness brings to all of us:

“We are the ones who determine how much anger and hatred we will experience in our lives, as well as how much compassion and forgiveness we will extend to others. We have been given opportunities to hate and the wisdom to transcend our hate. Think of the personal power we must have to move beyond old choices and to respond to life from a place of spiritual wisdom. Our pain and suffering provide us with the chance to learn how to forgive and to know our truest, most beautiful nature. Forgiveness is the gift given to us to transcend our darkness and like alchemy, turn darkness into gold.”

In a world filled with pain and suffering where blood drips from the hands of many people ,we need to find ways to stop the violence in this world. We have learned that the military or putting people away in prisons does not stop violence from repeating itself. What is truly called for is forgiveness, not only the personal kind but in politics as well. In the end, forgiveness has everything to do with mercy and compassion as very important practices for any person in any situation. Forgiveness becomes a powerful answer to the most important questions of life. And at the end of our lives, for those of us who have been able to practice forgiveness and live our lives from a place of love, our days will be rich and our lives will end peacefully.