Forgiveness as the Doorway to Love

“Your task is not to seek love, but merely to find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” —Rumi

How many of us have blocked off receiving love because of a need to protect ourselves? This is the theme of Lisa Angelini’s story of forgiveness, shared in this month’s podcast. Lisa had gone through a contentious divorce years ago and, more recently, an unexpected abandonment. As a result of these experiences, Lisa began to realize that she had not only blocked herself off from receiving romantic love but also blocked connections with others because of a need to protect herself from being hurt. Lisa also had an issue with trust—not only with other people but also with herself.

Insights From a Friend

After her divorce, Lisa was sitting with a friend when her friend said, “I don’t know who you are.” Lisa thought at the time that she was an open book: “Just the Italian girl from New York with a big personality.”

Her friend saw things differently: Thinking that you are open with a big personality is very different from being truly authentic and open-hearted. “Lisa, you have so many walls up, brick walls, big, big brick walls with barbed wire,” said her friend. “You have to let someone in.” The last thing Lisa wanted to hear from someone, especially when dealing with a painful moment in her life, is that maybe she should look at things differently. Yet, this is where her journey of forgiveness began. It was a journey that took some time and unfolded in many ways.

A Tale of Two Grandmothers

Growing up, Lisa—like many of us—didn’t have much modeling for forgiveness, but she certainly had modeling for what it looks like when there was unforgiveness. It was her fiery grandmother who first influenced the way she thought about forgiveness. When that grandmother divorced unexpectedly, she held onto resentment for a very long time, continually spewing negativity about her ex. For Lisa, that fire looked very powerful. This pants-wearing, go-get-’em grandmother felt good to Lisa. And that is who Lisa wanted to emulate. She didn’t know what true forgiveness looked like.

It was only when she started working through her own process that Lisa realized she didn’t want to hear any negativity, especially about her ex. She wanted to learn how to let go. She told others, “I’m healing. That’s the father of my children, and I’m going to leave it there as I work through this. That’s not helpful. People think it’s supportive to keep that energy going and add the fuel to the fire.” But for Lisa, it was a constant reminder of all the things and all the hurt that she no longer wanted to be connected to. Only now does Lisa recognize that her other grandmother, a sweet, forgiving, and spiritual woman, was a great teacher—though at the time she saw her kindness and ability to forgive as weakness rather than a source of power.

Yet Another Opportunity to Forgive

Forgiveness isn’t about one-and-done. Life brings on many opportunities for forgiveness, and for Lisa, more was yet to come. She entered into a relationship that suddenly took a hard left and turned her life upside down. It started out as a beautiful soul-connected relationship. Lisa’s spiritual home was Scotland, where he happened to live, and as things progressed over a couple of years, Lisa thought she would live there. And then it suddenly fell apart, seemingly in the snap of a finger.

Lisa didn’t know she’d get to practice forgiveness over and over again through life. She just thought you mastered it once, and that’s it. No, not so. Lisa was in shock, dealing with themes of betrayal and dishonesty. First, she wanted to make sense of things and rationally figure out what she missed—but there was no escaping the “messy middle,” the point in a forgiveness process where we acknowledge the emotional mess we find ourselves in.

Lisa expected that her spiritual practice, therapy and training would protect her from life, only to recognize that it was a form of defensiveness, a weapon against herself. Lisa knew forgiveness takes time, but she considered herself spiritually advanced, so she could get through this quickly. Surprise, surprise, that wasn’t the case. Lisa first denied that she was angry, but with help from a mentor over a three-day process, the anger began to erupt, uncovering the painful grief and all the emotional layers she needed to engage with to arrive at true forgiveness. When we’re honest with ourselves and work through all these layers, that’s where forgiveness isn’t just a pragmatic experience of letting go: It can become transformational. When we get to the point where we truly wish the other person well, we become free. And inside Lisa’s head, when she finally forgave this man, her mind became quieter, calmer, and more peaceful with much less thought.

Gems of Forgiveness

Perhaps learning to forgive is part of our life’s path. All of us have these experiences, and if we can learn from them, we may get a deeper sense of who we are and perhaps how we can really help others. As Nietzsche once said, “Amor fati.” Love your fate. None of us wants to go through painful experiences, yet if you can stick with the forgiveness process and get to the other side, you might just look back and realize there was a gem there.

For everyone, that gem will be different. It might be a deeper connection with your soul, that creative force outside us that can bring greater clarity and wisdom to our lives. You may learn to trust more and be more open to life. You may have a change of outlook, which helps you see people differently and more compassionately, especially for those who are going through similar struggles. And perhaps we grow in humility, accepting that we are human beings, and recognize there are things we’re all going to struggle with and that people do shocking things. If people could have done better, they would have, and when we can recognize that and accept it, we are given the greatest gift of all: learning about unconditional love. And that’s true peace.

To hear Lisa Angelini’s story in her own words, check out my latest podcast episode, “A Sudden Disorienting Heartbreak: Lisa Angelini.” Subscribe to Voices of Peace: Personal Forgiveness on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Shedding the Victim Story: Lyndon Harris on Forgiveness After 9/11

Welcome to Season 2 of Voices of Peace: Personal Forgiveness, with a new name, a new focus and a new co-host, Fred Luskin. Our first guest is Lyndon Harris. Lyndon was an Episcopal priest in New York City when his life after 9/11 fell apart. He dealt with PTSD, personal injustice, divorce, and losing his house — yet until he hit rock bottom, he never thought about forgiveness. When he finally did, forgiveness changed his life in the most amazing way.

Lyndon Harris

Lyndon Harris is a former Episcopal priest, whose journey toward forgiveness began in the aftermath of the terrorist attacks on September 11, 2001. His work was covered widely in The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, The Washington Post, and a host of others. But in the aftermath of 9/11, Lyndon’s life fell apart. Forgiveness became the essential tool for reclaiming his life. Harris is a forgiveness teacher now and has been invited to offer keynotes and workshops around the world. He is co-author, with Dr. Luskin of the Forgive for Good Recovery Workbook.

Learn more at lyndonharris.com

Pre-order Lyndon’s memoir, release date June 2026:

Forgiveness at Ground Zero: A Journey of Service, Loss, and Redemption after 9/11

Dr. Fred Luskin

Dr. Fred Luskin is the director of the Stanford University Forgiveness Projects. He’s also the author of the bestselling books, Forgive for Good and Forgive for Love. Forgive for Good is the best-selling self-help book published on the topic of forgiveness. Fred has been interviewed hundreds of times in worldwide media, including The New York Times, O Magazine, the Los Angeles Times, Time Magazine, Huffington Post, and he has been featured on the Today Show and CBS Morning News. Learn more at fredluskin.com.

Dr. Eileen Borris

Dr. Eileen Borris is a clinical and political psychologist who has pioneered the concept of political forgiveness on the individual, community and national level. She has addressed the United Nations and has worked for over 30 years to build peace in areas of conflict around the world, including Rwanda, South Africa, Liberia, Nigeria, Ethiopia, and the Middle East. Eileen is the author of Finding Forgiveness: A 7 Step Program for Letting Go of Anger and Bitterness and the creator of Healing the Divide, a program that trains leaders and other individuals interested in applying the principles of political forgiveness to transform their lives and create social change.

Be Part of Eileen’s Community

Subscribe to Political Forgiveness: Voices of Peace podcast on Apple, Spotify, YouTube, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Subscribe to Political Forgiveness newsletter at drborris.com or on LinkedIn.

Eileen’s book: Finding Forgiveness: A 7 Step Program for Letting Go of Anger and Bitterness

Timestamps

00:00 Forgiving Imperfection

00:14 Season Two Kickoff

00:49 Meet Fred and Lyndon

02:55 Lyndon Before 9 11

04:40 Witnessing the Attacks

07:56 St. Pauls Relief Mission

09:16 Conflict and Resignation

12:31 Bitterness and Revenge

15:47 Life Falls Apart

18:47 Rock Bottom and Gratitude

22:31 Self Forgiveness Breakthrough

26:35 New Mission and Love

28:41 Advice for the Stuck

30:13 What Forgiveness Means Now

32:33 Closing and Resources

From Revenge Fantasies to Forgiveness: Letting Go of Anger After 9/11

“We come to spiritual depth in many ways, but two surefire ways to get there are love and great suffering.” —Richard Rohr

In April 2001, Lyndon Harris, a former Episcopal priest, was asked by Trinity Church in lower Manhattan to develop a new church community at the historic Saint Paul’s Chapel, where George Washington had often prayed. Then the terrorist attacks on the World Trade Center took place September 11, which changed everything for the church and for Lyndon. As he stood at the foot of the South Tower, he watched the building collapse following the impact of the hijacked plane, and felt the fear that seared the city streets. The following day, Lyndon worked at the site to help with the search and rescue mission and performed last rites on the bodies that were recovered. Then he opened the church, which became a support center for first responders.

9/11 Relief Operation

At the mission, Lyndon worked tirelessly, helping thousands of rescue workers and their families endure the tragedy of 9/11. Yet something else was also beginning to bubble up behind the scenes: a lack of support from his superiors for the hardships of his work at the church. Resentment grew within Lyndon, along with the significant trauma he was experiencing because of 9/11. While he was working 12-hour shifts, his supervisor and the people he reported to were not at St. Paul’s or even in New York City. Lyndon was doing things he didn’t have the authority to do, yet he persisted, convinced he was doing the right thing, which created a conflict. After serving 240 days and breathing in black, polluted air, he resigned, burning all his bridges. Lyndon was clearly coming from a heartfelt place, tending to volunteers and human remains while experiencing his own trauma and butting up against administrative issues and bureaucracy.

The Poison of Unforgiveness

Lyndon became deeply entrenched in being right—he wondered why his superiors didn’t see what the Gospel commanded, and held on to many negative feelings. As Nelson Mandela once said, it was like “drinking poison and waiting for someone else to die,” and for Lyndon, it was the sweetest Kool-Aid he ever had in his life. In that moment, he had no interest in forgiveness. He, like so many of us, was nursing his revenge fantasy. Then, in a phone call, someone suggested that he needed to forgive these guys. Lyndon shouted back, slammed down the phone and threw it against the wall. Someone offered help, and all he could think was, “Don’t you know what they did to me?”—the epitome of unforgiveness.

This is where many of us get stuck. We hold onto our self-pity and need to be right. Lyndon wanted revenge of the worst kind. After resigning from the church, Lyndon sank into depression, left his marriage, lost his job, and soon after lost his house. He was running from the pain he couldn’t face. People were happy to play along, thinking they were being supportive—but that only reinforced Lyndon’s victim narrative, a story that takes away our power. Yet when people suggest forgiveness, there is usually resistance.  People hold tight to being a victim, not realizing that their claim to victimhood is claiming their life.

Yes, Lyndon was treated badly, and he did suffer, in part, because of his own bad choices. He did go through real pain and difficulty. It took a total falling apart for him to realize he couldn’t do this anymore, and he reached a point when he asked himself: “What else can I do?” It was only then that Lyndon began to entertain the thought of forgiveness.

From Helplessness to Agency Through Gratitude

Lyndon had an unshakeable faith that God still had a role for him, even with the mess he had made, and that he had to dig deep into his heart and soul to find the courage to face what he had done. He realized he had to take responsibility for his life, and little by little, he started to reclaim it. When he really took that to heart, he began to think about what he was grateful for and the blessings he had in his life. He was lucky to be alive—after all, so many people were killed in his vicinity the morning of 9/11, and he was still standing. Gratitude helped him move from helplessness to agency, from blame to taking responsibility. This is gratitude’s power. When we start feeling love and gratitude, we can feel the energy shift in our bodies and in our thinking. This is what forgiveness is about. We choose to see the world from a different perspective; one based on greater understanding.

Permission to Grieve and Make Mistakes

Opening his heart to gratitude enabled Lyndon to forgive himself. His belief and expectation—especially for not being perfect as an Episcopal priest—was that he couldn’t make a mistake. When Lyndon could finally forgive himself, he could own his humanity and give himself permission to grieve. He had so much anger, which he later realized was just a disguise for grief. He accepted that he makes mistakes like everyone else, and he needed to be kind to himself. He realized he could take responsibility for his mistakes, care for himself, embrace his future, and stop being miserable about the past. When he was able to be kind to himself, he found that he could be a whole lot kinder to others for their mistakes.

The irony is that when Lyndon left the priesthood, he truly became the priest he wanted to be. It took him a long time to get to that place, but as Lyndon said himself, quoting Nietzsche, we should be lovers of our fate. At first, Lyndon wasn’t so sure about that, but now that he has gotten to the other side, his fate has become easier to love—and that is the power of forgiveness.

To hear Lyndon Harris’ story in his own words, check out my latest podcast episode, Shedding the Victim Story: Lyndon Harris on Forgiveness After 9/11. Subscribe to Voices of Peace: Personal Forgiveness on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Welcome to Season 2! Voices of Peace: Personal Forgiveness

I’m thrilled to announce we’re just days away from the season 2 kick-off of my podcast! To reflect a new focus on forgiveness in our daily lives, the title is now “Voices of Peace: Personal Forgiveness,” and I’m delighted to have Dr. Fred Luskin as my co-host. Director of the Stanford University Forgiveness Projects and the author of the bestselling books, Forgive for Good and Forgive for Love. Fred is a true expert on forgiving spouses, parents, children, friends, co-workers, bosses — and even ourselves.

We have a fresh line-up of interviews with more forgiveness leaders and forgiveness stories, as well as normal people struggling to forgive. For the first time ever, Fred and I will be offering forgiveness coaching on the podcast. Our first guest is Lyndon Harris, who was an Episcopal priest in New York City when his life after 9/11 fell apart. Listen to this quick teaser with a few snippets from the first episode!

Dr. Fred Luskin

Dr. Fred Luskin is the director of the Stanford University Forgiveness Projects. He’s also the author of the bestselling books, Forgive for Good and Forgive for Love. Forgive for Good is the best-selling self-help book published on the topic of forgiveness. Fred has been interviewed hundreds of times in worldwide media, including The New York Times, O Magazine, the Los Angeles Times, Time Magazine, Huffington Post, and he has been featured on the Today Show and CBS Morning News. Learn more at fredluskin.com.

Dr. Eileen Borris

Dr. Eileen Borris is a clinical and political psychologist who has pioneered the concept of political forgiveness on the individual, community and national level. She has addressed the United Nations and has worked for over 30 years to build peace in areas of conflict around the world, including Rwanda, South Africa, Liberia, Nigeria, Ethiopia, and the Middle East. Eileen is the author of Finding Forgiveness: A 7 Step Program for Letting Go of Anger and Bitterness and the creator of Healing the Divide, a program that trains leaders and other individuals interested in applying the principles of political forgiveness to transform their lives and create social change.

Be Part of Eileen’s Community

Subscribe to Political Forgiveness: Voices of Peace podcast on Apple, Spotify, YouTube, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Subscribe to Political Forgiveness newsletter at drborris.com or on LinkedIn.

Eileen’s book: Finding Forgiveness: A 7 Step Program for Letting Go of Anger and Bitterness

Timestamps

00:00 We Are More Than Our Mistakes

00:21 Podcast Welcome

01:01 What Forgiveness Feels Like

01:40 Stories and Takeaways

02:00 Join the Journey

I want to forgive, but don’t know where to start.

When is anger appropriate? How does humility play a part in forgiveness? What about those who cling to revenge? Is there an optimal time for forgiveness? How do I deal with guilt? When do I need to set a healthy boundary? How do we heal trauma?

The participants in this conversation did not hold back. Through their tough and insightful questions we had a rich dialogue about the deep emotional processing involved in forgiving. I’m honored to share excerpts from my conversation with Mary Noble of Feminenza International and participants of the Erasmus+ project “A Resilient Life,” where I answer their questions about all the ways forgiveness can release emotional burdens and lead to healing, hope, resilience, and freedom.

This was such a wide-ranging conversation with so many wonderful forgiveness stories — don’t miss the complete video. This conversation explores the vital role forgiveness plays in our personal healing and features a rich dialogue with participants from Kenya, Kosovo, Israel, and across Europe.

FEMINENZA INTERNATIONAL

Feminenza International is a global non-profit organization focused on women’s development, trauma healing, and education in forgiveness co-founded by Mary Noble, who has been a guest of mine in previous episodes.

For more information about Feminenza programs reach out to contactus@feminenza.org

Dr. Eileen Borris

Dr. Eileen Borris is a clinical and political psychologist who has pioneered the concept of political forgiveness on the individual, community and national level. She has addressed the United Nations and has worked for over 30 years to build peace in areas of conflict around the world, including Rwanda, South Africa, Liberia, Nigeria, Ethiopia, and the Middle East. Eileen is the author of Finding Forgiveness: A 7 Step Program for Letting Go of Anger and Bitterness and the creator of Healing the Divide, a program that trains leaders and other individuals interested in applying the principles of political forgiveness to transform their lives and create social change.

Be Part of Eileen’s Community

Subscribe to Political Forgiveness: Voices of Peace podcast on Apple, Spotify, YouTube, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Subscribe to Political Forgiveness newsletter at drborris.com or on LinkedIn.

Eileen’s book: Finding Forgiveness: A 7 Step Program for Letting Go of Anger and Bitterness

Timecodes

00:00  Forgiveness is inner healing, not about the other person

01:30  Meet Dr. Eileen Borris and Mary Noble

03:16  Revenge: The “revenge story” exercise and grieving what was lost

05:04  What forgiveness is—and isn’t

05:44  Humility and anger

08:23  Trauma healing and forgiveness timing

11:47  Stories of transformation

16:12  “I want to forgive, but where do i start?”

18:21  From pragmatic to spiritual: deeper layers of forgiveness

25:57  Hope vs. authoritarianism

27:43  Everyday forgiveness: boundaries, verbal abuse, and the guilt cycle

31:16  Closing and season 2 preview: New co-host and new focus

She Forgave Her Ex

At 33, Mary Noble’s world shattered—her husband suddenly left her for another woman. Pain and shock ruled for months, until one night a vivid dream sparked an unexpected epiphany: Forgiveness. That single word shifted everything and she forgave him. “It was this feeling of grace,” she recalls. Mary spent the next 20 years on a journey to understanding what it really means to forgive, which led her around the globe to her work in Kenya.

Mary Noble

Mary Noble is the co-founder and CEO of Feminenza, a nonprofit organization where she creates and leads training programs in forgiveness. Enjoy this reboot of her episode as we prepare to do a deep dive on personal forgiveness in 2026. Mary was a joy to interview and so transparent about finding herself in one of the most challenging situations. Her story of forgiving someone close to her is an inspiration for all of us.

Contact Mary

Email: forgiveness@feminenza.org

Feminenza: https://feminenza.org

Dr. Eileen Borris

Dr. Eileen Borris is a clinical and political psychologist who has pioneered the concept of political forgiveness on the individual, community and national level. She has addressed the United Nations and has worked for over 30 years to build peace in areas of conflict around the world, including Rwanda, South Africa, Liberia, Nigeria, Ethiopia, and the Middle East. Eileen is the author of Finding Forgiveness: A 7 Step Program for Letting Go of Anger and Bitterness and the creator of Healing the Divide, a program that trains leaders and other individuals interested in applying the principles of political forgiveness to transform their lives and create social change.

Be Part of Eileen’s Community

Subscribe to Political Forgiveness: Voices of Peace podcast on Apple, Spotify, YouTube, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Subscribe to Political Forgiveness newsletter at drborris.com or on LinkedIn.

Eileen’s book: Finding Forgiveness: A 7 Step Program for Letting Go of Anger and Bitterness

Timecodes

00:00 Introduction to Political Forgiveness

00:33 Introducing Antti Pentikainen

00:45 Life in War Zones

02:33 Transition to Academia and US Advisory Role

03:55 The Concept of Sacrifice

08:56 Spiritual Injury and Healing

15:14 Truth, Racial Healing, and Transformation

24:35 The Role of Art and Community in Healing

28:06 Final Thoughts and Call to Action

Forgiving Our Exes

January is a natural time for personal reflection, renewal, and practicing forgiveness of those close to us. The new year offers an opportunity to let go of past hurts and self-blame and move forward with a new perspective. As Fred Luskin and I prepare to launch season 2 of the podcast focusing on personal forgiveness, I’m revisiting this story from season 1 because it’s such a moving example of one woman’s personal journey finding freedom after betrayal.

Forgiveness can enter our lives in strange ways. For Mary Noble she was consumed with anger and pain when one day her husband announced that he was leaving her for another woman. Mary, founder and CEO of Feminenza, a nonprofit organization where Mary gives training programs in forgiveness, did not always support the belief in forgiveness. She was in shock over the end of her marriage—didn’t even see it coming. And for six months she was filled with anguish.

Last summer in an episode of “Political Forgiveness: Voices of Peace,” I interviewed Mary, who shared a dream that her husband came back, and in the dream Mary knew they were going through all the difficulties they had put each other through yet again. When Mary woke up, she realized that she needed to move on.

A Moment of Grace

During the course of that day the word forgiveness “landed” in Mary. In her heart of hearts, she wanted her life back. She wanted to be free of her anger, to forgive her ex and his lover. At that moment of truly wanting to let go, she felt something inside of her—as though a miracle had happened, a moment of grace where the anger totally dissipated, replaced by feelings of joy. Mary realized this was not about her ex, it was about her inner healing. She recognized that there was something greater going on: An interior renovation took place where she was able to totally let go of her pain. In her sincere desire to let go of her anger and resentment Mary experienced the miracle of forgiveness, and it can happen to anyone.

Forgiving Our Exes, Forgiving Our Enemies

This experience was so powerful that it stayed with Mary. Twenty years later, as she was developing programs for Feminenza, the issue of forgiveness kept coming up. This inspired Mary to engage in a two-year study of forgiveness, asking herself questions such as, “Why should we forgive?” and “What about the perpetrator.” She realized that as a society, as a human race, the lack of forgiveness is enshrined in what we consider the right way to go: vendettas, tit for tat, sweet revenge—the things we believe are okay to do.

All of this affects our ability as a human race to evolve, to become better human beings. Then a Congolese pastor who worked at the United Nations sat down with Mary and pulled out pictures of mutilated bodies. Mary asked what was she looking at and he replied, “You’re looking at the result of the civil war in the Congo and the lack of forgiveness. Generation after generation, leader after leader, each one comes into power and massacres everyone who was there before.” Then the pastor said, “I think, Mary, forgiveness is the only way out of this.”

So how do we heal what has been passed down from generation to generation? Forgiveness is about the art of healing. This is what Mary was doing—creating a certain ecology in her workshops that is so warm and loving that it provided the space and the opportunity for people to release at least some of what they were holding on to.

Peeling the Layers

When we are willing to engage in a forgiveness process and are willing to do the work, it’s like peeling the layers of an onion. We begin to deal with our anger, our fear, our guilt. We give ourselves permission to mourn. And then we can begin to release pain and sorrow, and in that releasing we begin to remove blocks to the ability to love. That’s the profoundness of forgiveness. We don’t necessarily think about it in that way, but there are many levels of forgiveness from the pragmatic, letting go of pain and suffering, to the sublime, knowing grace and the face of God.

Through the work of forgiveness, we develop the ability to connect with our humanity. That interconnectedness can become very powerful—that what I see in you is what I also know is in me, because we are all part of the human condition. As we go deeper into the forgiveness process, we begin to understand what it really means to love: I can see you in your entirety. The deeper we begin to recognize what it means to be human and get in touch with our own humanity, the more we peel off those layers, the more we are also learning about what real love is. And if we can get to a place of being able to love someone—even though they may have harmed us deeply—that is the highest form of love we will ever really know.

To hear Mary’s stories in her own words, listen to this reboot of her episode from Season 1: She Forgave Her Ex. To hear more stories of personal forgiveness, tune into my podcast this spring for Season 2: Personal Forgiveness. Find “Political Forgiveness: Voices of Peace” on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Forgiveness Is a Skill. These Are the Trainers.

This final episode of season 1 features three guests from Forgiveness International, a nonprofit organization whose purpose is to promote interpersonal forgiveness through ESPERE, the schools of Forgiveness and Reconciliation. This conversation with Leocadia Montero-Hainley, Rodney Peterson, and Daniel Carman brought me back to the heart of why I do this work.

These three shared stories of gang interventions, restorative circles, and interfaith reconciliation that reveal how deeply harm shapes us — and how powerful it is when people choose to reach out in forgiveness. From a mother who forgave the man who paralyzed her daughter to children learning that forgiveness can become a new default, these guests remind us that healing truly begins with the individual. We can all learn this skill. And when we do, it reshapes our families, communities, and society.

Season two of “Political Forgiveness: Voices of Peace” begins spring of 2026 focusing on individual forgiveness. I’ll be joined by co-host Dr. Fred Luskin of the Stanford University Forgiveness Projects and author of the bestselling books, “Forgive for Good” and “Forgive for Love.”

Leocadia Montero-Hainley

Leocadia Montero-Hainley is a psychotherapist and principal of Leocadia Consulting specializing in conflict resolution, trauma processing, and restorative justice. She leads restorative circles and offers workshops that help communities rebuild trust, heal harm, and strengthen relationships.

Rodney Peterson

Rodney Peterson served as executive director of the Boston Theological Institute and the Consortium of Theological Schools in the greater Boston area. He currently leads workshops on forgiveness and reconciliation with Boston’s Cooperative Metropolitan Ministries and is a visiting scholar at Duke Divinity School.

Dan Carman

Dan Carman is the director of Cooperative Metropolitan Ministries, Boston’s oldest interfaith social-action network, and serves as vice chair of Forgiveness International. His work centers on community healing, interfaith collaboration, and developing practical pathways toward reconciliation.

Mentioned in the Episode

Dignity: Its Essential Role in Resolving Conflict by Donna Hicks

Dr. Eileen Borris

Dr. Eileen Borris is a clinical and political psychologist who has pioneered the concept of political forgiveness on the individual, community and national level. She has addressed the United Nations and has worked for over 30 years to build peace in areas of conflict around the world, including Rwanda, South Africa, Liberia, Nigeria, Ethiopia, and the Middle East. Eileen is the author of Finding Forgiveness: A 7 Step Program for Letting Go of Anger and Bitterness and the creator of Healing the Divide, a program that trains leaders and other individuals interested in applying the principles of political forgiveness to transform their lives and create social change.

Join Eileen’s Community

Subscribe to Political Forgiveness: Voices of Peace podcast on Apple, Spotify, YouTube, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Subscribe to Political Forgiveness newsletter at drborris.com or on LinkedIn.

Eileen’s book: Finding Forgiveness: A 7 Step Program for Letting Go of Anger and Bitterness

Timecodes

00:00 Introduction and Welcome

00:18 Introducing the Guests

03:21 Leo’s Journey from Law to Psychotherapy

07:54 Dan’s Story: From Bullying to Mediation

13:04 Rodney’s Work in Forgiveness and Reconciliation

18:36 Transformations Through Forgiveness

26:57 Personal Impact of Forgiveness Work

30:10 Final Thoughts and Messages

33:17 Conclusion and Season Wrap-Up

Healing Memories, Forging Peace

Colombia is a nation on a journey from conflict to peace, a nation attempting to stop the never-ending cycle of violence, which has been a struggle for over 50 years. It is a complex nation and situation, which led to a civil war of over five decades, devastating the civilian population. Efforts to peacefully resolve the conflict have resulted in partial agreements that last only for short periods. Yet, there is one person who understands that, to achieve lasting peace, the country must address the anger and fear fueling the Colombian conflict.

From Fear to Forgiveness

Fr. Leonel Narváez Gómez is someone who has worked tirelessly in Colombia’s peacebuilding efforts. Narváez, a Colombian Catholic priest who participated very closely in the peace negotiations with the leftist guerrillas in Colombia, is deeply committed to the work of forgiveness around the world. He was born in Génova, a village near Medellín, in the same town where the Revolutionary Armed Forces of Colombia (FARC) and its leader were born. Narváez later developed a significant relationship with the FARC leader, Tiro Fijo, in which he was able to rescue dozens of young boys and girls under the age of 18 from the movement.

The area surrounding Medellín was a very violent and dangerous region of the country, and for 12 years Narváez was in danger of being kidnapped. Memories have haunted Narváez. When he was a very young boy, his father’s sugar cane factory was set on fire and destroyed one night by his father’s enemy. What Narváez remembered most was watching the factory burn at 2 a.m. in the morning, fearing that the source of the family’s income would be destroyed. That memory and his anger lingered on for years, and due to this childhood memory, Narváez realized the importance of developing a process for overcoming memory, a process he now teaches others when discussing forgiveness and reconciliation.

The Pull of Powerful Emotions

Narváez’s interest in political forgiveness has a long history. When the 1998 and 2001 negotiations in El Caguán failed, Narváez realized that something was missing. People were negotiating with a lot of anger and hate behind their words, fueling conflict, violence, and the urge for revenge. He understood that, for sustainable peace to be achieved, a solution was needed to address the pull of these powerful emotions. With a background in negotiation, and with the support of experts in various disciplines, including research into forgiveness, Narváez developed a program which was later known as Schools of Forgiveness and Reconciliation (SFR) or Escuelas de Perdon y Reconciliacion (ESPERE), which became the cornerstone of the Fundación Para La Reconciliación or Foundation for Reconciliation, which he founded. ESPERE (es-PEER-ay) was formed to promote forgiveness and reconciliation, and to offer groups of Colombians an opportunity to come together and develop processes that support individuals affected by violence.

What makes the ESPERE program different in terms of an individual forgiveness process is that it links the work of individual forgiveness, an interior process, with a process rooted in the principles of truth, justice, pacts, and memory. The purpose of the initiative was to see how the participants’ emotional development and patterns of social interaction were affected by their experiences. The hope was that when people could share their stories, the narratives could change, and the need for revenge would dissipate, allowing people to move toward reconciliation.

ESPERE Stories

Many forgiveness stories have emerged from the work of ESPERE. Some cases include working with people involved in serious crimes, such as killing a relative, and how they learned to forgive themselves and be forgiven. Another example includes a widow who lost her only son and then adopted the killer of her son. There are other stories, such as an owner of an enterprise who gave employment to his kidnappers—the owner even paid the lawyers not to prosecute them. Yet another story involves an ex-combatant who was attacked during one of the raids and was wounded. His life is now in a wheelchair.

He participated in the Schools of Forgiveness and Reconciliation (SFR) workshop, which taught him how to forgive. Due to his experience in the program, he has now dedicated his life to working with the foundation, and has become a powerful testimony for forgiveness. It is hoped that, in time, Colombia will constitute a national system of reconciliation in which victims of the war, ex-combatants, children and young people in educational establishments, and the population in general will participate in the promotion of cultures of peace, developing agendas for forgiveness.

The ultimate objective of the SFR program is to create communities of peace that heal the wounds of conflict, foster forgiveness and reconciliation, and thereby enable peace to flourish and prevent unrest from happening again. The premise behind the program is that if we do not heal from our psychological wounds, cycles of violence will continue to perpetuate themselves.

The ESPERE program’s methodology has been adopted in numerous countries worldwide. An international network has emerged, sharing experiences, results, and concerns that arise from members’ activities in the field of forgiveness and reconciliation. Members of the network have worked with prison populations, young offenders, victims of political and domestic violence, the reintegration of illegal armed actors, and with young people who suffer abuse in schools. In each of these areas, it has been possible to develop a series of specific methodological designs that, while preserving the general principles of ESPERE, are tailored to the particular circumstances of the target population group.

The Inner Embrace

The concept of forgiveness is about graciousness. It is a gift we give to one another. Forgiveness touches the most existential question of life. What is life for? Life is a gift, and it is also a gift to others. Therefore, forgiveness is not just about forgiving an offense. The real motivation is that by forgiving the offense, you become much more; you become a gift to humanity. That is the most profound meaning of life.

The healing capacity of forgiveness is powerful, and when we allow ourselves to reach its depth we begin to tap into forces that enable us to see the spiritual nature within ourselves and within others. This essence must shine, and it does. It shines within our thoughts, helping us to see the spiritual substance in all of us, in qualities like kindness, generosity, helpfulness, and selfless love. Instead of fearfully looking for signs of trouble, instead of labeling people as victimizers, or victims, or even terrorists, we can humbly see what the light of divine love illuminates. Seeing clearly is only possible as we know the truth of who we are, our spiritual essence. Seeing clearly will enable us to be that light of the world—to shine with the love that illuminates the dark places and wipes out fear, hatred, and misunderstanding. And the same love that lights our way shows us where and how we can best shine the light for others in our communities, because when one person is shining the light, everyone around can see too.

To learn more about ESPERE and the work of Fr. Leonel Narváez, enjoy the Political Forgiveness episode, “The Priest and the Guerrilla Fighter” on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Forgiveness Heals Post-Election Violence, Kenya, 2008

Twenty-five women said “enough.” While politicians pointed fingers and communities burned, these women rolled up their sleeves, and rebuilt their world — one water pipe, one factory, one peace treaty at a time. Mary Noble, co-founder of Feminenza, was the woman who orchestrated this transformation. She learned forgiveness in the most personal way possible: when her husband left her for another woman. That betrayal, that pain, that moment of choosing grace over revenge, became the foundation for healing an entire nation. Fair warning: You’re going to want to share this episode with everyone you know.

Mary Noble

Mary Noble is the co-founder and CEO of Feminenza, a nonprofit organization, which had its beginnings in 2000 with a gathering of some 400 women from all corners of the world working toward a greater mutuality between genders. Feminenza promotes the long-term development of women as peacemakers, their roles in leadership and society, and their partnership with men to establish a more humane and peaceful world. Mary creates and leads training programs in forgiveness.

#Forgiveness #PoliticalForgiveness #PersonalGrowth #Healing Relationships #HealingNations

Where to Find Mary Noble

Email: forgiveness@feminenza.org

Feminenza: https://feminenza.org

Upcoming workshop: The Seven Pillars of Forgiveness

Forgiveness PoliticalForgiveness Feminenza MaryNoble WomenPeacemakers Kenya PostElectionViolence PeaceBuilding ConflictResolution

About Eileen Borris

Dr. Eileen Borris is a clinical and political psychologist who has pioneered the concept of political forgiveness on the individual, community and national level. She has addressed the United Nations and has worked for over 30 years to build peace in areas of conflict around the world, including Rwanda, South Africa, Liberia, Nigeria, Ethiopia, and the Middle East. Eileen is the author of Finding Forgiveness: A 7 Step Program for Letting Go of Anger and Bitterness and the creator of Healing the Divide, a program that trains leaders and other individuals interested in applying the principles of political forgiveness to transform their lives and create social change.

Be Part of Eileen’s Community

Subscribe to Political Forgiveness podcast on Apple, Spotify, YouTube, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Subscribe to Political Forgiveness newsletter: https://www.drborris.com

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/dreileenborris

Eileen’s book: Finding Forgiveness: A 7 Step Program for Letting Go of Anger and Bitterness

 

00:00 Introduction and Welcome

01:19 Mary Noble’s Personal Journey to Forgiveness

02:53 The Role of Forgiveness in Society

05:49 Forgiveness in Conflict Zones: The Kenya Experience

08:54 Empowering Women for Community Healing

17:21 Workshops and Training Programs

20:21 Personal Stories of Transformation

28:26 Final Thoughts and Contact Information