Ambassador Chowdhury on Forgiveness

In this conversation, I sit down with Ambassador Anwarul K. Chowdhury, whose decades of global peace work remind us that true peace isn’t just the end of war — it’s the end of prejudice, injustice, and inequality. He shares how forgiveness and gratitude form the heart of the culture of peace, and why women’s equality and empowerment are essential to it. From Hiroshima to Ashland, Oregon, his message is clear: Real peace grows from local acts of love and equality.

Ambassador Anwarul K. Chowdhury is a former Under-Secretary-General and High Representative of the United Nations, widely recognized for championing the global “culture of peace.” He led the adoption of U.N. Security Council Resolution 1325 on Women, Peace and Security — the first to link women’s equality to global peace. His recent book, Creating the Culture of Peace: A Clarion Call for Individual and Collective Transformation, distills decades of diplomatic experience into a call for forgiveness, compassion, and equality.

Dr. Eileen Borris is a clinical and political psychologist who has pioneered the concept of political forgiveness on the individual, community and national level. She has addressed the United Nations and has worked for over 30 years to build peace in areas of conflict around the world, including Rwanda, South Africa, Liberia, Nigeria, Ethiopia, and the Middle East. Eileen is the author of “Finding Forgiveness: A 7 Step Program for Letting Go of Anger and Bitterness” and the creator of Healing the Divide, a program that trains leaders and other individuals interested in applying the principles of political forgiveness to transform their lives and create social change.

Be Part of Eileen’s Community

Subscribe to Political Forgiveness podcast on Apple, Spotify, YouTube, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Subscribe to Political Forgiveness newsletter at drborris.com or on LinkedIn.

Eileen’s book: Finding Forgiveness: A 7 Step Program for Letting Go of Anger and Bitterness

Time Codes

00:00 Introduction to the Culture of Peace

00:38 Meet Ambassador Chowdhury

03:10 Ambassador Chowdhury’s Early Life and Career

06:57 The Role of Women in Peace and Security

12:49 The Importance of Community in Promoting Peace

19:21 The Power of Gratitude

24:19 Ambassador Chowdhury’s Reflections and Advice

29:40 Conclusion and Final Thoughts

Ambassador Chowdhury, The Culture of Peace and Forgiveness

“Since wars begin in the minds of men, it is in the minds of men that the defenses of peace must be constructed.” — UNESCO Charter

The seeds of peace exist in all of us. It must be nurtured and cared for to flourish. It cannot be imposed from the outside. It must be realized from within. However much the world around us changes, we cannot achieve peace without a change in our own minds, which can only then be reflected in the global consciousness. This connection between the individual and the global, and the global and the individual, impressed Ambassador Anwarul Chowdhury, the Permanent Representative of Bangladesh to the United Nations, and the pivotal figure in the development of the culture of peace. Just as the work of forgiveness helps us develop a different mindset based on understanding and compassion, the culture of peace originates from a place of peace within us. Both forgiveness and the culture of peace are daily practices that require each of us to consciously integrate peace and understanding into our daily lives. Both emphasize self-transformation, inclusiveness, and the oneness of humanity. Forgiveness is instrumental in this process, especially on a personal level, because it requires us to be more self-reflective and engage in our own inner processes.

Programme of Action for a Culture of Peace

The United Nations Charter emerged from the ashes of World War II, and the United Nations Declaration and the Programme of Action for a Culture of Peace were developed in the aftermath of the long, drawn-out Cold War. People knew what a world without peace looked like. More than 25 years have passed since the adoption of the Culture of Peace, and thanks to Ambassador Chowdhury, the culture of peace has been central to his leadership in initiatives at the United Nations and his ongoing advocacy efforts. In addition to the Charter of the United Nations, this declaration and program of action is the only UN document totally devoted to promoting peace with the future in mind. It was Ambassador Chowdhury’s life experience that taught him to value peace and equality as essential components of human existence, understanding that peace unleashes the positive forces of good that are so needed for human progress.

After his time at the UN, Ambassador Chowdhury founded the Global Movement for the Culture of Peace (GMCoP), establishing a civil society coalition to continue advancing the culture of peace. Through the GMCoP, he collaborates with various people, including civil society organizations, to promote the UN’s framework for peace. Everyone can contribute to the culture of peace as integral to our daily lives. We can learn to relate to one another without violence, without disrespect, without neglect.

Peace and Forgiveness as a Daily Practice

Ambassador Chowdhury continues to focus on the culture of peace because of his belief that we need a kind of spirituality in our hearts — spirituality is an essential and universal human experience. This transformational objective of the culture of peace is significant and remains largely unrealized. Therefore, we continue our efforts, a lifelong endeavor, working toward peace, solidarity, human oneness, and global citizenship. He believes that the culture of peace and global citizenship are two sides of the same coin: They promote a global vision for a peaceful world.

Just as the culture of peace can be seen as a kind of spirituality of the heart, forgiveness can be seen as the science of the heart. When people practice forgiveness in their daily lives, they become more aware of living a peaceful life and the ramifications that can result from it. Forgiveness is necessary because forgiveness lays the foundation for a peaceful existence. Through the lens of forgiveness, we begin to see the world with greater empathy and compassion, which are cornerstones of forgiveness. This is what can happen when we forgive, not only in our personal lives, but also in how we interact with people in our communities, ultimately affecting society as a whole. The culture of peace, like the practice of forgiveness, is a daily practice and can’t be separated from what we usually do or think. This foundation of personal forgiveness expands into political forgiveness — a process of repairing fractured relationships within a political context, such as between communities, nations, or groups within a society. The ultimate goal of political forgiveness is to rebuild communal relationships and restore social trust, thereby fostering peace and stability.

As António Guterres, former Secretary-General of the United Nations, has said, “Peace is the most courageous, the most practical, the most necessary pursuit of all.” In a world that can sometimes feel hopeless, we must cultivate peace. The culture of peace movement empowers us to develop a kind of consciousness that enables us to live in a better world.

To learn more about The Culture of Peace and the work of Ambassador Chowdhury, enjoy the Political Forgiveness episode, “Ambassador Chowdhury on Forgiveness” on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube, or wherever you get your podcasts.

What Can Leaders and Neuroscience Teach Us?

Many countries around the world are grappling with a violent past. In the peacebuilding world, addressing the past focuses on identifying and resolving the root causes of conflict through constructive engagement with narratives and past experiences of violent conflict. Many leaders are, or have been at the forefront of building the foundations of peace within their societies and nations. Leaders who come to mind are Nelson Mandela, Martin Luther King Jr., and Mahatma Gandhi. All of these men followed their moral compass, based on principles of inner strength and ethical convictions. Can we develop leaders who possess a mindset of inclusivity and moral fortitude? Is there something we can learn from leaders who have been self-reflective due to their experiences, and as a result, can teach us very valuable lessons? And is there a place for neuroscience to help us gain a deeper understanding of one another?

Tim Phillips, founder and CEO of Beyond Conflict, a nonprofit organization that works with leaders to address conflict and promote social change in the United States and abroad, has shared insights gained from his work with leaders around the world. In my latest podcast, Biology, Brains, and the Business of Forgiveness, I had the honor of discussing with Tim how these insights can inform the work of political forgiveness. He began meeting leaders towards the end of the Cold War, especially those in newly emerging democracies. When speaking to these leaders, various issues started to emerge, — including the legacy of the past. How do individuals, communities, and nations deal with the burden of repression that lasted for generations? How do we trust again?

Acknowledging the Oppressor’s Experience

Tim had the privilege of becoming friends with Roelf Meyer, a South African leader and the chief negotiator for the National Party government, who played an integral role in the negotiations between F.W. de Klerk and Nelson Mandela that led to South Africa’s transition to post-apartheid governance. Meyer was asked if he felt any anxiety or insecurity about the decision he made with de Klerk about the negotiations that ended apartheid, and how he felt afterwards. Meyer did question whether he was doing the right thing for his people and for the nation, understanding that people feared what lay on the other side of change. Yet, the moment the agreement was signed, Meyer felt a sense of liberation. A paradigm shift occurred.

Tim then asked more about Meyer’s community, the Boer or Afrikaner community, which went through a form of ethnic cleansing and genocide by the British in the early 20th century. Twenty thousand men, women, and children were killed. Did Meyer’s community ever confront that? Meyer paused, and as he thought about this more, he said if his community had an internal process of healing and truth-telling, perhaps after the Boer War, they may not have set up apartheid.

As part of the truth-telling and healing process, hearing the stories of the victims gives a voice to the voiceless and creates a historical record of what took place. It sheds light on what has happened. But what about the story of the oppressor — were they once victims, too? What if a truth-telling process included the acknowledgment of the psychological landscape of the oppressor that created the situation of so much suffering in the first place? It’s much more challenging to acknowledge the trauma of individuals who did horrible things to you, and to acknowledge what wounded them. Acknowledgment is a crucial component of the political forgiveness process and is essential to breaking cycles of violence, as reflected in Meyer’s insight, and could have profound implications. And we need a process that invites those who cause harm to engage in a healing process of their own, thereby reclaiming their humanity as well. Political forgiveness provides for that opportunity.

Political Forgiveness Begins at Home

Political forgiveness must begin with the individual, and only then can it radiate out to the community and society at large. Phillips highlighted this when hearing someone ask Desmond Tutu about forgiveness. Tutu admitted how difficult forgiveness can be, sharing that when he was in a fight with his wife, he sometimes struggled to say he was sorry. When we think of political forgiveness, we often consider it in broad, existential terms, particularly when we witness the immense suffering that occurs in the world. But political forgiveness begins with our lived human experiences, within our families, our friends, and in our communities. It is part of being human, and to understand our humanness, Phillips began to look to brain and behavioral science to gain insight into this.

The Neural Signature of Forgiveness

Most people don’t realize that our every thought has a chemical component transmitted via neurotransmitters in our brains. Neuroscientists tell us that thoughts can change our brain chemistry as well as our physiology. Neuroplasticity — our brain’s ability to alter neural connections — allows the brain to compensate for traumatic events by forming new neural connections based on new experiences. This can create a cognitive shift in our thinking, leading to a reappraisal of our emotions.

In 2013, a group of scientists (Ricciardi et al.) studied how our brains heal emotional wounds, and they found that the decision to forgive rewires the brain. Neural pathways associated with anger and resentment are weakened, while new neural pathways related to emotional reappraisal, taking perspective and empathy are created. Those who chose to forgive horrific things have also changed their neural signature, which releases the PTSD patterning through emotional reappraisal, which then reduces post-traumatic stress. The difference is actually visible on an fMRI.

The Neuropsychological Equivalent of Grace

What can we take from this? When we can forgive, we perceive the world with greater clarity and insight. The rewiring of the brain has enabled an emotional reappraisal, increased ability for perspective-taking, enhanced empathy, and the healing of emotional wounds. This helps in viewing the oppressor in a new light and within a broader context, where one’s defenses are lowered, allowing for a deeper understanding of the situation as a whole, because our brains have changed. Perhaps this also gives us a window into spiritual experiences. This window is the gift of forgiveness. Forgiveness changes the neural imprint in our brains where an emotional reappraisal happens. This creates a release, which some experience as liberation, while for others, it feels like a shift in perception that is a miracle. From a neuroscientific perspective, perhaps this is the true meaning of grace.

To learn more about Tim Phillips’ work, enjoy the Political Forgiveness episode, “Biology, Brains, and the Business of Forgiveness” on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube, or wherever you get your podcasts.

 


SOURCE:

Ricciardi et al, How the Brain Heals Emotional Wounds: The Functional Neuroanatomy of Forgiveness, Frontiers in Human Neuroscience, Dec. 9, 2013

Biology, Brains, and the Business of Forgiveness

Tim Phillips has witnessed firsthand how forgiveness reshapes lives—whether in high-stakes negotiations that ended apartheid and sectarian violence, or in the emerging science that shows forgiveness can literally rewire the brain.

As a leader who has supported reconciliation processes from South Africa to Northern Ireland, Tim shares wisdom from figures like Desmond Tutu alongside insights from neuroscience and trauma research. He reminds us that forgiveness is not only a liberating personal choice but also a biological necessity: By understanding ourselves better, we begin to understand others — even our oppressors. Leadership, brain plasticity, and extraordinary stories of reconciliation all come alive in this wide-ranging conversation.

Tim Phillips

Tim Phillips is the founder and CEO of Beyond Conflict, a nonprofit organization that works with leaders to address conflict and promote social change in the United States and abroad. Tim has led efforts to catalyze the peace and reconciliation processes in several nations, including Northern Ireland, El Salvador, and South Africa, and has advised the United Nations, the US Department of State and the Council of Europe. Building on this body of experience, Beyond Conflict has partnered with cognitive and behavioral scientists to generate insights at the intersection of behavioral sciences and real world experience.

Where to Find Tim Phillips

LinkedIn: Timothy Phillips

Website: https://beyondconflictint.org

Dr. Eileen Borris

Dr. Eileen Borris is a clinical and political psychologist who has pioneered the concept of political forgiveness on the individual, community and national level. She has addressed the United Nations and has worked for over 30 years to build peace in areas of conflict around the world, including Rwanda, South Africa, Liberia, Nigeria, Ethiopia, and the Middle East. Eileen is the author of Finding Forgiveness: A 7 Step Program for Letting Go of Anger and Bitterness and the creator of Healing the Divide, a program that trains leaders and other individuals interested in applying the principles of political forgiveness to transform their lives and create social change.

Be Part of Eileen’s Community

Subscribe to Political Forgiveness: Voices of Peace podcast on Apple, Spotify, YouTube, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Subscribe to Political Forgiveness newsletter at drborris.com or on LinkedIn.

Eileen’s book: Finding Forgiveness: A 7 Step Program for Letting Go of Anger and Bitterness

Timecodes

00:00  Introduction to Political Forgiveness

00:27  Meet Tim Phillips: Founder of Beyond Conflict

01:11  Exploring Post-Communist Europe

04:07  The Legacy of Apartheid in South Africa

08:36  The Miami Show Band Massacre

14:17  The Neuroscience of Forgiveness

20:58  Political Forgiveness in the Modern World

33:17  Final Thoughts and Reflections

The Priest and the Guerrilla Fighter

Father Leonel Narváez grew up dodging bullets in a Colombian war zone. Later, he befriended the founder of FARC—the same guerrilla group that had brought violence to his doorstep. That experience changed him forever. Now, he teaches nations how to heal through political forgiveness.

“We are asking people to move from being a beast toward being an angel, because both are there in your heart,” he says.

This episode will challenge everything you think you know about justice, mercy, and peace.

#LeonelNarváez #TransitionalJustice #VoicesOfPeace #Forgiveness #PoliticalForgiveness #Peacebuilding

Father Leonel Narváez is a Colombian sociologist, Catholic priest, and founder of the Foundation for Reconciliation in Bogotá. He is the architect of the ESPERE methodology (Escuelas de Perdón y Reconciliación), a training model designed to address the emotional roots of violence, such as resentment and the desire for revenge. His work, informed by experience in peace negotiations across Latin America and Africa, has been implemented in 21 countries and has reached over 2 million participants. Recognized by UNESCO and recipient of Colombia’s Emprender Paz Prize, Father Narváez advances forgiveness with a deep-rooted respect for human dignity.

Where to find Fr. Leonel Narváez

Website: https://www.fundacionparalareconciliacion.org

About Eileen Borris

Dr. Eileen Borris is a clinical and political psychologist who has pioneered the concept of political forgiveness on the individual, community and national level. She has addressed the United Nations and has worked for over 30 years to build peace in areas of conflict around the world, including Rwanda, South Africa, Liberia, Nigeria, Ethiopia, and the Middle East. Eileen is the author of Finding Forgiveness: A 7 Step Program for Letting Go of Anger and Bitterness and the creator of Healing the Divide, a program that trains leaders and other individuals interested in applying the principles of political forgiveness to transform their lives and create social change.

Be Part of Eileen’s Community

Subscribe to Political Forgiveness podcast on Apple, Spotify, YouTube, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Subscribe to Political Forgiveness newsletter: https://www.drborris.com

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/dreileenborris

Eileen’s book: Finding Forgiveness: A 7 Step Program for Letting Go of Anger and Bitterness

https://www.amazon.com/Finding-Forgiveness-Seven-Step-Program-Bitterness/dp/0071474692/ref=sr_1_1?

Timestamps

00:34 Meet Father Leonel Narváez

02:07 Leonel’s Early Life and Influences

05:19 Encounter with FARC Leader

10:36 Understanding Political Forgiveness

16:57 The Role of Truth and Reconciliation

24:48 ESPERE Methodology and Its Impact

32:32 Final Thoughts and Call to Action

Healing Memories, Forging Peace

Colombia is a nation on a journey from conflict to peace, a nation attempting to stop the never-ending cycle of violence, which has been a struggle for over 50 years. It is a complex nation and situation, which led to a civil war of over five decades, devastating the civilian population. Efforts to peacefully resolve the conflict have resulted in partial agreements that last only for short periods. Yet, there is one person who understands that, to achieve lasting peace, the country must address the anger and fear fueling the Colombian conflict.

From Fear to Forgiveness

Fr. Leonel Narváez Gómez is someone who has worked tirelessly in Colombia’s peacebuilding efforts. Narváez, a Colombian Catholic priest who participated very closely in the peace negotiations with the leftist guerrillas in Colombia, is deeply committed to the work of forgiveness around the world. He was born in Génova, a village near Medellín, in the same town where the Revolutionary Armed Forces of Colombia (FARC) and its leader were born. Narváez later developed a significant relationship with the FARC leader, Tiro Fijo, in which he was able to rescue dozens of young boys and girls under the age of 18 from the movement.

The area surrounding Medellín was a very violent and dangerous region of the country, and for 12 years Narváez was in danger of being kidnapped. Memories have haunted Narváez. When he was a very young boy, his father’s sugar cane factory was set on fire and destroyed one night by his father’s enemy. What Narváez remembered most was watching the factory burn at 2 a.m. in the morning, fearing that the source of the family’s income would be destroyed. That memory and his anger lingered on for years, and due to this childhood memory, Narváez realized the importance of developing a process for overcoming memory, a process he now teaches others when discussing forgiveness and reconciliation.

The Pull of Powerful Emotions

Narváez’s interest in political forgiveness has a long history. When the 1998 and 2001 negotiations in El Caguán failed, Narváez realized that something was missing. People were negotiating with a lot of anger and hate behind their words, fueling conflict, violence, and the urge for revenge. He understood that, for sustainable peace to be achieved, a solution was needed to address the pull of these powerful emotions. With a background in negotiation, and with the support of experts in various disciplines, including research into forgiveness, Narváez developed a program which was later known as Schools of Forgiveness and Reconciliation (SFR) or Escuelas de Perdon y Reconciliacion (ESPERE), which became the cornerstone of the Fundación Para La Reconciliación or Foundation for Reconciliation, which he founded. ESPERE (es-PEER-ay) was formed to promote forgiveness and reconciliation, and to offer groups of Colombians an opportunity to come together and develop processes that support individuals affected by violence.

What makes the ESPERE program different in terms of an individual forgiveness process is that it links the work of individual forgiveness, an interior process, with a process rooted in the principles of truth, justice, pacts, and memory. The purpose of the initiative was to see how the participants’ emotional development and patterns of social interaction were affected by their experiences. The hope was that when people could share their stories, the narratives could change, and the need for revenge would dissipate, allowing people to move toward reconciliation.

ESPERE Stories

Many forgiveness stories have emerged from the work of ESPERE. Some cases include working with people involved in serious crimes, such as killing a relative, and how they learned to forgive themselves and be forgiven. Another example includes a widow who lost her only son and then adopted the killer of her son. There are other stories, such as an owner of an enterprise who gave employment to his kidnappers—the owner even paid the lawyers not to prosecute them. Yet another story involves an ex-combatant who was attacked during one of the raids and was wounded. His life is now in a wheelchair.

He participated in the Schools of Forgiveness and Reconciliation (SFR) workshop, which taught him how to forgive. Due to his experience in the program, he has now dedicated his life to working with the foundation, and has become a powerful testimony for forgiveness. It is hoped that, in time, Colombia will constitute a national system of reconciliation in which victims of the war, ex-combatants, children and young people in educational establishments, and the population in general will participate in the promotion of cultures of peace, developing agendas for forgiveness.

The ultimate objective of the SFR program is to create communities of peace that heal the wounds of conflict, foster forgiveness and reconciliation, and thereby enable peace to flourish and prevent unrest from happening again. The premise behind the program is that if we do not heal from our psychological wounds, cycles of violence will continue to perpetuate themselves.

The ESPERE program’s methodology has been adopted in numerous countries worldwide. An international network has emerged, sharing experiences, results, and concerns that arise from members’ activities in the field of forgiveness and reconciliation. Members of the network have worked with prison populations, young offenders, victims of political and domestic violence, the reintegration of illegal armed actors, and with young people who suffer abuse in schools. In each of these areas, it has been possible to develop a series of specific methodological designs that, while preserving the general principles of ESPERE, are tailored to the particular circumstances of the target population group.

The Inner Embrace

The concept of forgiveness is about graciousness. It is a gift we give to one another. Forgiveness touches the most existential question of life. What is life for? Life is a gift, and it is also a gift to others. Therefore, forgiveness is not just about forgiving an offense. The real motivation is that by forgiving the offense, you become much more; you become a gift to humanity. That is the most profound meaning of life.

The healing capacity of forgiveness is powerful, and when we allow ourselves to reach its depth we begin to tap into forces that enable us to see the spiritual nature within ourselves and within others. This essence must shine, and it does. It shines within our thoughts, helping us to see the spiritual substance in all of us, in qualities like kindness, generosity, helpfulness, and selfless love. Instead of fearfully looking for signs of trouble, instead of labeling people as victimizers, or victims, or even terrorists, we can humbly see what the light of divine love illuminates. Seeing clearly is only possible as we know the truth of who we are, our spiritual essence. Seeing clearly will enable us to be that light of the world—to shine with the love that illuminates the dark places and wipes out fear, hatred, and misunderstanding. And the same love that lights our way shows us where and how we can best shine the light for others in our communities, because when one person is shining the light, everyone around can see too.

To learn more about ESPERE and the work of Fr. Leonel Narváez, enjoy the Political Forgiveness episode, “The Priest and the Guerrilla Fighter” on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Forgiving a War Commander. Forging Community.

What happens when a mass killer asks for forgiveness? In Sierra Leone’s Fambul Tok (Family Talk) former combatants gather with victims around a bonfire to share their truth, seek forgiveness, and restore community. In this interview with Libby Hoffman, we follow the powerful journey of Mohammed Savage and others who went from committing atrocities to becoming advocates for peace. From traditional ceremonies to modern classrooms in Chicago and St. Louis, this grassroots model of healing is transforming lives. It’s not just about forgiveness—it’s about rebuilding trust, honoring culture, and showing what’s possible when communities lead their own healing.

#LibbyHoffman #CatalystforPeace #FambulTok #Forgiveness #PoliticalForgiveness #CommunityLeadership #RestorativeJustice #Reconciliation

Libby Hoffman

Libby Hoffman is the founder and president of Catalyst for Peace and author of the award-winning book, The Answers Are There: Building Peace from the Inside Out. She creates space for those most impacted by violence and war to lead in building the peace and restoring social wholeness. She co-founded the Fambul Tok (Family Talk) program in Sierra Leone and has accompanied its growth from post-war community reconciliation to national policy framework, as chronicled in her books and the award-winning documentary Fambul Tok, which she produced in 2011. A former political science professor at Principia College, Libby has degrees from Tufts’ Fletcher School of Law and Diplomacy and Williams College.

Where to Find Libby Hoffman

Website: libbyhoffman.com

Book: The Answers Are There: Building Peace From The Inside Out

Documentary: Fambul Tok

Catalyst for Peace: catalystforpeace.org

About Eileen Borris

Dr. Eileen Borris is a clinical and political psychologist who has pioneered the concept of political forgiveness on the individual, community and national level. She has addressed the United Nations and has worked for over 30 years to build peace in areas of conflict around the world, including Rwanda, South Africa, Liberia, Nigeria, Ethiopia, and the Middle East. Eileen is the author of Finding Forgiveness: A 7 Step Program for Letting Go of Anger and Bitterness and the creator of Healing the Divide, a program that trains leaders and other individuals interested in applying the principles of political forgiveness to transform their lives and create social change.

Be Part of Eileen’s Community

Subscribe to Political Forgiveness podcast on Apple, Spotify, YouTube, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Subscribe to Political Forgiveness newsletter

LinkedIn: Dr. Eileen Borris

Eileen’s book: Finding Forgiveness: A 7 Step Program for Letting Go of Anger and Bitterness

 

00:00 Introduction to Political Forgiveness

00:41 Meet Libby Hoffman: Catalyst for Peace

02:24 The Origins of Fambul Tok

03:15 Challenges and Triumphs of Reconciliation

06:16 The Power of Community Healing

10:08 Bonfire and Cleansing Ceremonies

14:35 Stories of Forgiveness and Reconciliation

28:13 Applying Fambul Tok Principles Globally

33:43 Conclusion and Final Thoughts

The Power of Acknowledgment and Community

The Fourth of July is a time when Americans come together, not only to celebrate the birth of our nation, but to reflect on the values it represents and the gratitude and appreciation for our freedom. It is a time to build a better community, even in the midst of conflict and brokenness, and to strive for a more inclusive society. Luckily for us, there are communities around the world that have been able to come together after being torn apart by conflict and war, which teach us how to do the same, and how the role of forgiveness has played a powerful part in the healing process.

Receiving the Truth With Mercy

In my most recent interview, I spoke with a wonderful woman, Libby Hoffman, whose work focuses on repairing “fireproof containers of community” to hold the work that people need in their communities, recognizing that “handling the heat” is a good thing. She was inspired by the words of Anglican Bishop MacLeod Baker Ochola who said:

“Once the truth is known, it is very bitter for you to swallow. Truth is very deadly; it can kill. But how can you handle it? It is only through mercy. Mercy can let you hold it. If you want to carry live fire in your hands, you will throw it away because it will burn. But if you hold it in something good, that does not conduct heat, you can take the fire. So, it is the same with this, truth revealed — you can receive it with mercy.”

Bishop Baker Ochola’s words helped guide Libby in her work in Sierra Leone and with the post-war reconciliation program, Fambul Tok (Family Talk). Libby is the founder and president of Catalyst for Peace, and facilitated the growth of Fambul Tok into a national policy framework.

Forgiveness is deeply ingrained in the fabric of Sierra Leonean culture and was a powerful force in helping Sierra Leoneans heal from their civil war. This was illustrated in the powerful story of Captain Savage. Mohammed Savage was one of the most notorious commanders in the civil war. Many people say if the special court had indicted 14 people instead of 13, he would have been the next one. Savage was from Kono, the diamond district in Sierra Leone, where a majority of his command had taken place. He was so notorious for his gruesome killings that a pond, which turned into a mass grave, was named the Savage Pit. This pit was the place where decapitated heads and bodies of people he had killed were buried. In that community was another notorious leader who had killed and beheaded 17 members of his own family, Tamba Joe.

The Search for Tamba Joe

When Fambul Tok visited that community, there was considerable discussion about whether even to have a bonfire, the heart of the ceremony rooted in local culture and tradition. However, it was ultimately decided that the community would never be able to move on unless they could discuss what had happened. So, people spent months searching for Tamba Joe, hoping to find him and bring him back so he could apologize. The community wanted to let Tamba Joe know that he would be welcomed back to testify at the ceremony. Yet no one could find him. Was he out of the country? Was he dead? No one knew. And when there finally was a Fambul Tok ceremony, his sisters, including one named Naomi Joe, were there to speak on his behalf. When the father of many of the victims stood up to talk about what happened to his children, the sisters came forward to apologize for Tamba Joe. The father, who was testifying, forgave the sisters, which initiated a healing process and led to an agreement to work together.

After the ceremony, Naomi Joe and her sisters desperately wanted Tamba Joe to come home. People searched all around the country, and eventually Naomi Joe strongly sensed that Tamba Joe was no longer alive. Then someone asked her if Tamba Joe were found, would she have a message she would like to give him? Yes, Naomi Joe replied. Here’s what she said:

“What I have to tell you — don’t be afraid. Anything can happen to us. And everything has an end. There is time for crying. There is time for death. There is time for happiness. I believe with our apology at the bonfire for the role that you played, we have been forgiven. So, wherever you are, you should not be afraid to come home. But if you are not ready to come, at least let there be some communication between us. Now I have taken the responsibility to work together as a family. We have lost enough of our relatives in the war. Our mother is now dead. Our father is now dead. Our cousins died. Even our children died in this war — a lot of them. Please come home so that we can do some cleansing and sacrifices to all who have died. That is all I have to say.”

Tamba Joe never appeared, but the message meant for him found its way to Mohammed Savage. It was the first time Savage had seen such a message from people who had suffered during the war, a message that conveyed the villagers’ willingness to accept him back into the community. And for whatever reason, Savage felt the message was speaking directly to him. Savage needed people to understand his plight, that he had a conscience which kept him in a dark place, and he, too, was suffering in very private ways. He wanted to be free, yet he knew fingers were pointing at him. He knew he had to come clean.

The Apology of Mohammed Savage

Savage realized that if he could admit what he had done, he could then help to heal the communities where he had caused so much harm. Due to issues concerning the special court, it took 18 months before Savage was able to attend a special bonfire just for him, where he came face to face with many of the people he had harmed, acknowledged what he had done, and, in an astonishing moment, apologized.

In her book, Fambul Tok, Libby Hoffman relates how the villagers of his community accepted Savage’s apology, including the Paramount Chief, who at one time never wanted to see Savage, then changed his mind, saying, “I’ve begun to see him as a human being.” With time, Savage returned to the community, engaging in constructive ways. He became a member of the Fambul Tok staff and began to work with ex-combatants using his story to help them come to terms with the harm they inflicted on others and ensure there would be no repeats. His story illustrates beautifully how individuals touched by the power of forgiveness can be transformed and become agents of societal change. This is how individuals, through their journey of forgiveness, create social change and become forces of political forgiveness.

The Importance of Acknowledgement

Acknowledgement plays a pivotal role in the Fambul Tok process, just as it does in the process of political forgiveness: There needs to be an acknowledgment of the crimes committed by the perpetrators of the harm caused. Survivors also need to acknowledge the pain and suffering shared by survivors and perpetrators — as individuals and in communities — and to understand that those who harm, in many cases, are themselves victims of significant harm. There is the trauma of oppression for both sides. This is very difficult to see, especially with groups who have a history of violence toward one another.

What becomes harder for people to acknowledge is that there is decency in the perpetrator’s community, and therefore, not every person is collectively responsible. More difficult is the acknowledgement of humanity in each other: understanding that anyone is just as capable of causing harm as the other, if they were living under the same circumstances. This becomes part of the healing work that needs to be done for forgiveness to be transformative. People will need to be held accountable for their actions and then come together to make decisions on how to repair the community. Only then can new relationships be formed and forgiveness offered.

The Fireproof Container of Community

What can we learn from the Fambul Tok process that can be applied to community healing in the United States? It’s the strength of the community and the power of forgiveness. It was the people who decided to work together, committed to having the hard conversations, acknowledging the truth of the atrocities together in front of the community, and recognizing that the healing community could be a strong enough container to hold even the heat of egregious actions, such as those of the civil war in Sierra Leone. Not dealing with the past was paralyzing those communities and holding them back. The power of community created the space that supports tough, hard conversations, such as Fambul Tok. It is a commitment to move forward together and act! It is this power of communities coming together with their energies and resources that is a lesson we can all learn from.

To learn more about Fambul Tok and Libby Hoffman’s work, enjoy the Political Forgiveness episode, “Forgiving a War Commander. Forging Community.” on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Forgiveness Heals Post-Election Violence, Kenya, 2008

Twenty-five women said “enough.” While politicians pointed fingers and communities burned, these women rolled up their sleeves, and rebuilt their world — one water pipe, one factory, one peace treaty at a time. Mary Noble, co-founder of Feminenza, was the woman who orchestrated this transformation. She learned forgiveness in the most personal way possible: when her husband left her for another woman. That betrayal, that pain, that moment of choosing grace over revenge, became the foundation for healing an entire nation. Fair warning: You’re going to want to share this episode with everyone you know.

Mary Noble

Mary Noble is the co-founder and CEO of Feminenza, a nonprofit organization, which had its beginnings in 2000 with a gathering of some 400 women from all corners of the world working toward a greater mutuality between genders. Feminenza promotes the long-term development of women as peacemakers, their roles in leadership and society, and their partnership with men to establish a more humane and peaceful world. Mary creates and leads training programs in forgiveness.

#Forgiveness #PoliticalForgiveness #PersonalGrowth #Healing Relationships #HealingNations

Where to Find Mary Noble

Email: forgiveness@feminenza.org

Feminenza: https://feminenza.org

Upcoming workshop: The Seven Pillars of Forgiveness

Forgiveness PoliticalForgiveness Feminenza MaryNoble WomenPeacemakers Kenya PostElectionViolence PeaceBuilding ConflictResolution

About Eileen Borris

Dr. Eileen Borris is a clinical and political psychologist who has pioneered the concept of political forgiveness on the individual, community and national level. She has addressed the United Nations and has worked for over 30 years to build peace in areas of conflict around the world, including Rwanda, South Africa, Liberia, Nigeria, Ethiopia, and the Middle East. Eileen is the author of Finding Forgiveness: A 7 Step Program for Letting Go of Anger and Bitterness and the creator of Healing the Divide, a program that trains leaders and other individuals interested in applying the principles of political forgiveness to transform their lives and create social change.

Be Part of Eileen’s Community

Subscribe to Political Forgiveness podcast on Apple, Spotify, YouTube, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Subscribe to Political Forgiveness newsletter: https://www.drborris.com

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/dreileenborris

Eileen’s book: Finding Forgiveness: A 7 Step Program for Letting Go of Anger and Bitterness

 

00:00 Introduction and Welcome

01:19 Mary Noble’s Personal Journey to Forgiveness

02:53 The Role of Forgiveness in Society

05:49 Forgiveness in Conflict Zones: The Kenya Experience

08:54 Empowering Women for Community Healing

17:21 Workshops and Training Programs

20:21 Personal Stories of Transformation

28:26 Final Thoughts and Contact Information

Forgiving Our Enemies and Our Exes

Forgiveness can enter our lives in strange ways. For Mary Noble she was consumed with anger and pain when one day her husband announced that he was leaving her for another woman. Mary, founder and CEO of Feminenza, a nonprofit organization where Mary gives training programs in forgiveness, did not always support the belief in forgiveness. She was in shock over the end of her marriage — didn’t even see it coming. And for six months she was filled with anguish.

In the upcoming “Political Forgiveness: Voices of Peace” episode I interviewed Mary, who shared a dream that her husband came back, and in the dream Mary knew they were going through all the difficulties they had put each other through yet again. When Mary woke up, she realized that she needed to move on.

Forgiving Our Exes

During the course of that day the word forgiveness “landed” in Mary. In her heart of hearts, she wanted her life back. She wanted to be free of her anger, to forgive her ex and his lover. At that moment of truly wanting to let go, she felt something inside of her — as though a miracle had happened, a moment of grace where the anger totally dissipated replaced by feelings of joy. Mary realized this was not about her ex, it was about her inner healing. She recognized that there was something greater going on and, in that moment, she experienced the power of grace. An interior renovation took place where she was able to totally let go of her pain. In her sincere desire to let go of her anger and resentment Mary was able to experience grace, and all of a sudden the anger was gone. That is the miracle of forgiveness and it can happen to anyone.

Forgiving Our Enemies

This experience was so powerful that it stayed with Mary and 20 years later, as she was developing programs for Feminenza, the issue of forgiveness kept coming up. This inspired Mary to engage in a two-year study of forgiveness, asking herself questions such as, “Why should we forgive?” and “What about the perpetrator.” She realized that as a society, as a human race, the lack of forgiveness is enshrined in what we consider the right way to go: you know, vendettas, tit for tat, sweet revenge — the things we believe are okay to do. All of this affects our ability as a human race to evolve, to become better human beings. Then a Congolese pastor who worked at the United Nations sat down with Mary and pulled out pictures of mutilated bodies. Mary asked what was she looking at and he replied, you are looking at the result of the civil war in the Congo and the lack of forgiveness. Generation after generation, leader after leader, each one comes into power and massacres everyone who was there before. Then the pastor said, “I think, Mary, forgiveness is the only way out of this.”

So how do we heal what has been passed down from generation to generation? Forgiveness is about the art of healing. This is what Mary was doing — creating a certain ecology in her workshops that is so warm and loving that it provided the space and the opportunity for people to release at least some of what they were holding on to.

Peeling the Layers

When we are willing to engage in a forgiveness process and are willing to do the work, it is like peeling the layers of an onion. We begin to deal with our anger, our fear, our guilt. We give ourselves permission to mourn. And then we can begin to release pain and sorrow and in that releasing we begin to remove blocks to the ability to love. That’s the profoundness of forgiveness. We don’t necessarily think about it in that way, but there are many levels of forgiveness from the pragmatic, letting go of pain and suffering, to the sublime, knowing grace and the face of God.

Through the work of forgiveness, we develop the ability to connect with our humanity. That interconnectedness can become very powerful — that what I see in you is what I also know is in me, because we are all part of the human condition. As we go deeper into the forgiveness process, we begin to understand what it really means to love: I can see you in your entirety. The deeper we begin to recognize what it means to be human and get in touch with our own humanity, the more we peel off those layers, the more we are also learning about what real love is. And if we can get to a place of being able to love someone — even though they may have harmed us deeply — that is the highest form of love we will ever really know.