Being Valued, Seen, and Heard in a Polarized Society

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Roelf Meyer, a prominent South African politician and privileged member of Afrikaner society, may have become President of South Africa had the system of apartheid not come to an end. Yet Meyer became one of the key people who convinced President F.W. de Klerk to release Nelson Mandela from prison, and then subsequently led the negotiating team of the white-minority government in the talks to end apartheid, according to the book Beyond Conflict. How was Meyer able to make a shift in his thinking, moving away from his initial beliefs of racial superiority and developing a greater awareness of the importance of equality for all?

During the time when Meyer started practicing law, he was confronted with the reality that Blacks and other non-white South Africans had no constitutional rights, and as such began to grapple with his personal sense of fairness and justice. In a story recounted in Beyond Conflict, Meyer described a young Black boy sitting in the back of a white farmer’s pick-up truck, along with the farmer’s dog. It began to rain, and the farmer stopped the truck to get his dog and put him in the cab, leaving the boy in the back of the truck to be drenched in the rain. Struck by the profound act of humiliation and insensitivity to the young boy, Meyer began to think more and more about the blatant racism found in his country.

At one point during his political life, Meyer was given an assignment by President P.W. Botha to learn why Black people were rioting. While spending eighteen months visiting Black townships to gain an understanding of the unrest, he started to recognize that, although he was an elected representative to Parliament, he in no way represented the people of South Africa. Rather, he only represented a tiny white minority whose advantages and privileges he could no longer morally support. It became clear to Meyer, at least on an intellectual level, that there was a critical need for social and political change to take place. On an emotional level, Meyer wasn’t there yet. It wasn’t until years later, that he completed his personal journey, making a paradigm shift and leaving the thoughts of Black inferiority behind, realizing that South Africa’s future could only be based on equality for all. It is this type of thinking and changing of mindsets that opens one up to be willing to work with others—not only as a leader but in a healing capacity.

The course of Meyer’s personal transformation, from a pragmatic shift in his thinking to a much deeper, more personal paradigm shift, did not happen overnight, and fundamentally involved more of an emotional understanding rather than an intellectual one. As Meyer would say “It involves deeply personal values and passions and has to come from the soul.”

Unity Takes Center Stage

What can we learn from this story, especially within the context of what is currently taking place in the United States? Changing mindsets begins when we are willing to get to know the “other,” to listen to their stories and understand their realities. We cannot understand the other side without knowing the other side. Change is something we all must be challenged with at some point, whether in the political arena or in our social lives. Our democracy depends on it.

Meyer’s story also shows that instead of hating one another, we could focus on working with each other. This unity needs to take center stage if we want to combat all that divides us. More importantly, our focus needs to be on making systemic changes and connecting with each other to make that happen. We need to develop courage within ourselves to face what is going on and to stand up to what is wrong. And we need to ask ourselves, “What does it mean to be an American?” Just as Meyer went to the Black townships to gain an understanding of the different realities, we need to become aware of what the different groups of Americans’ lived realities are, and to experience these realities of who we think of as the “other.” In this spirit of inclusivity, we are saying to one another “I see you.”

All the elements we have just talked about are important steps in a political forgiveness intervention. Taking responsibility for one’s thinking is critical to creating a paradigm shift. It is the transformation of mindsets and the building of trust that creates this lasting change. One needs to understand that, by engaging in a collective form of forgiveness on a political level, it is possible to bring antagonistic groups together in a healing capacity, to prevent senseless bickering, grievances, and polarization and to ensure instances such as this will not happen again.

A Political Forgiveness Research Project

Currently I’m developing a political forgiveness research project in the U.S. to reduce polarization by quieting anger and intolerance, as well as enabling participants to tolerate diverse views, better articulate one’s own point of view, increase self-awareness of bias, and to link a political forgiveness intervention to societal change. The purpose of the project is to bring people together who hold different political views and train them to engage with one another in a constructive way.

This is designed as a four-session training program. The first session focuses on defining forgiveness and political forgiveness, the differences and overlap between interpersonal forgiveness and political forgiveness, and why political forgiveness is necessary. The second and third sessions focus on building the basic skills of forgiveness, including letting go of grievances and petty anger, learning how to change mindsets and how to be more understanding and tolerant of one another. Session four takes a deeper dive, teaching deep listening skills that enable us to feel valued, heard, and seen. Participants will have the opportunity to take part in a dialogue process, the “logics of truth” where they can share their own truths, their hopes and fears, and discuss what a societal healing process might look like, linking political forgiveness to social change.

Political Forgiveness Training for Members of Congress

It is anticipated that one of the ways this program can have great impact is by offering it to incoming freshmen entering Congress in Arizona, my home state, or in any other state. Teaching freshmen these skills before they start working in Congress will enable them to have better working relationships and be more effective in the work they will be doing. And if we can all learn these skills, our personal and social lives would be more rewarding.

Why is this political forgiveness training so important?  Sacred traditions have a deep understanding of human psychology and tell us that the development of the ego is not the final state of human evolution. The idea that humans can grow beyond ego to divine self-transcendence is crucial to our understanding of forgiveness. Forgiveness on an individual level, which lays the foundation of a political forgiveness process, can be very powerful, even transformative. Forgiveness helps us tap into the deeper meaning of what it is to be human and helps us develop those transcendental values that are not about self-interest but about become more caring human beings.

Transcendence is considered one of the highest states of consciousness where we are focused on things beyond the self, such as a spiritual awakening or service to others. It informs the way we think, so instead of seeing the world through the lens of our fears, insecurities, and need for power, we see the world through the understanding of our interconnectedness. We are not reacting out of our ego’s self-interest, but coming from a more spiritual place within ourselves and are more concerned about the highest good for all. These are the values that are missing in our discourse. Until we begin to develop those values, such as wisdom, generosity, fairness, truth, forgiveness and human dignity, we will stay stuck in our fear-based thinking—an “us vs. them”—thinking which feeds into the chaos and polarization we are experiencing today.

Be Part of the Research Project

For those of you who would like to participate in the political forgiveness research project, you will be at the forefront of creating a positive change. Not only will you experience feeling more peaceful within yourself by learning how to let go of grievances and petty anger, but you will also learn how to build a community by building trust and developing healthier relationships with one another. You will learn how to change mindsets where people can accept one another as legitimate partners and engage in a process linking forgiveness to societal change, building a culture of political forgiveness in our country instead of fostering more anger and bitterness. This is an exciting research project opened to anyone interested in bringing people together, bridging the political divide and reducing polarization in the United States. It will be a virtual program, offered nationwide. If interested please email me at erborris@gmail.com.

Source for Roelf Meyer story: Beyond Conflict: 20 years of Putting Experience To Work For Peace by Timothy Phillips, Brideswell Books, 2013

Powerful Women Changing Mindsets and Forging Political Forgiveness

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Commemorating International Women’s Day

Gloria Steinem, a world-renowned feminist once explained: “The story of women’s struggle for equality belongs to no single feminist nor to any one organization but to the collective efforts of all who care about human rights.” This is what International Women’s Day (IWD) commemorates. March 1911 was the birth of IWD, which was to be a day of collective global activism and celebration belonging to all those committed to forging women’s equality. It calls for breaking down barriers, challenging stereotypes and creating environments where all women are valued and respected. It encourages everyone to recognize the unique perspectives and contributions of women from all walks of life, including those from marginalized communities. And it celebrates women from around the world who are powerful change agents making this world a much better place for all of us.

Marina Cantacuzino and The Forgiveness Project

To celebrate IWD, I’ve written about some extraordinary women who not only understand what inclusion means but who work toward countering divisive attitudes — an important factor in a political forgiveness process. One only needs to think about what took place on October 7, 2023, when the world woke up to the horrors of Hamas’ brutal attack on Israel to witness “us and them” rhetoric. Marina Cantacuzino is founder of The Forgiveness Project. She has interviewed the families of terrorist victims and survivors of domestic violence, and through the project provides resources and experiences to overcome their unresolved grievances, helps people bear witness to the resilience of the human spirit, which acts as a powerful antidote to narratives of hate and dehumanization. 

Aware of the pain people were feeling, Marina reached out to a friend, Israeli filmmaker Yulie Cohen to make sure she was OK. As recounted in the Forgiveness Project article, Clinging Onto Hope, Yulie replied, “Your  email is very meaningful for me; many people whom I know and know me well through the years and my films didn’t write a word and it says it all.”  Marina understood the importance of reaching out and she understood through her own work how important it is to know others and change mindsets towards those we once considered “an enemy.”

Yulie Cohen Meets Her Attacker Years Later

Yulie Cohen has her own remarkable story about changing mindset as she was able to forgive a Palestinian who tried to kill her. In 1978 Cohen, while a student at Tel Aviv University, worked that summer as a flight attendant. In one of her flights to London Yulia was getting off the bus in front of her hotel when she saw a man across the street looking quite hatefully at her. He was Palestinian. She started to get some distance from him and in a matter of seconds saw the man pull out a machine gun and started to shoot people around him only to be followed a few moments later with him throwing hand grenades, killing one person, wounding another, and leaving a small piece of shrapnel in the arm of a very traumatized Yulie. 

Years later, after receiving a master’s in communication arts, Yulia started working on films in New York City and Los Angeles. One of her films involved filming a Palestinian man who she found very interesting and intelligent. Getting to know him brought back the trauma of what happened years earlier when Yulie feared for her life. This man she admired so much was of the same age and from the same political group as the man who shot at her. Yulia realized that the Palestinian man she had such respect for could have easily been the person who tried to kill her, yet instead he was her friend. This sparked a desire in Yulia to look for the man who shot at her, her own “terrorist” and asked a British colleague to look for him in England. Two weeks later he was found in prison. Yulia wanted to meet him and decided to write a letter asking about himself and his childhood and told him that she was a sixth-generation born Israeli, never thought of Arabs as people she should hate, nor thought of them as “enemies.” 

Then she asked: Why did he join the Popular Front for the Liberation of Palestine (PFLP)? And why did he shoot at Israelis? He answered her right away, full of remorse, wanting to talk to her, and said how grateful he would be if Yulia would continue to write to him. He then asked Yulia if she would be willing to meet him in prison. Nervous about entering a prison Yulia marshaled bravery to visit him, and with her first encounter recognized this man as a human being, just like her, a man who only yearned for a good life and to have a family.

When they met in the streets of London they were both 22. When they met up again in prison, Yulia had a life and, although coping with trauma, she also had a family, a career and a master’s degree. This man in prison was on his own, had no family, no friends, no nothing. Yulia could see that he had changed, that he was a person taking responsibility for his mistakes. 

When Yulia left the prison, she realized that she was a different person. She felt a profound change take place within herself, something too hard to put into words. In retrospect Yulia recognized that she had faced one of her deepest fears: This Palestinian man that she mustered the courage to see represented those deepest fears — but when she faced him, to her surprise, she was able to let go of a lot of anger and hostility. Going to that prison, more than anything, else was difficult for Yulia. She recognized that she was on this incredible journey and, although she has more work to do to, Yulia experienced the life-changing power of forgiveness. The impact of this experience was so great for Yulia that now she speaks of the importance of forgiveness, encouraging others who have gone through painful experiences to consider the possibility of forgiveness and understanding, and that with this comes inner peace only forgiveness can bring.

Mary Noble, Co-Founder of Feminenza International

There have been other exceptional women who, through their own pain, forged a path towards forgiveness. Mary Noble, co-founder of Feminenza International, an organization whose focus is on empowering women and helping women discover their strengths and capabilities, is aware of the importance of forgiveness in personal lives as well as in helping communities recover from bloodshed and atrocities. She recognizes that one of the most important issues facing humanity is how to live with one another, and for Noble that can only happen through the human heart and soul, which we can access through the work of forgiveness. 

Forgiveness, as Noble recounts in this video, comes from a higher intelligence, which allows us to become stronger and more immune to the pain of human heritage. According to Noble the practice of forgiveness helps build our “higher” immunity and a mindset that allows us to stop scratching our wounds, clearing a new pathway in our mind, which is the remedial balm of forgiveness. The power of forgiveness can help us find relief from what has happened to us, that which we cannot change, and build something better.

In 2010 Feminenza International ran a pilot program for training grassroots women as forgiveness and reconciliation counselors in Kenya, funded by UN Women, a United Nations entity for gender equality and the empowerment of women. This particular year the People2People initiative took place in the Rift Valley, Kenya in 2010–2011, following the post election violence in 2007–2008, training 20 women leaders to become forgiveness and reconciliation counselors. It enabled grassroots women in the communities most at risk to reach across party and tribal lines to secure peace and security, to play a decisive role in conflict mitigation, and to grow the inner development to help individuals and groups re-humanize each other. They learned how to foster empathy and mutual understanding, build trust, and create healthy relationships as a basis for long term reconciliation. 

Twenty rural women activists each conducted their own community peace intervention project in Nakuru, Kericho, Borabu, Sotik, Kisii, Burnt Forest, Mt. Elgon, Pokot, and Turkana, according to this report. They were assisted with training and mentoring about fear management, forgiveness, project planning and accountability, and media strategy. The community impact was considerable, with 5,000 confirmed beneficiaries and independently verifiable outcomes. The women leaders trained still substantially contribute to the cohesion and security of their communities. Some of them help in training programs, others have become board members of Feminenza Kenya. 

These three women and countless others have been working tirelessly to help heal the hearts of humanity. They also understand the importance of changing mindsets — especially their own — and how this leads to the practice of forgiveness in one’s personal life and within any political forgiveness process. Forgiveness is true human work and is the remedy to making our world a better place. Without forgiveness humanity will not survive. 

Extraordinary Personal Forgiveness Leads to the Healing of a Community

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While we still are working toward racial justice, there are inspiring stories that shine a light on bravery and perseverance, stories that show when people can begin to question their basic values, we can change and experience and learn new things. The following story about the Echo Theater is a reminder that we can acknowledge and admit wrongs, concede failures, hear people more clearly, and seek forgiveness. When we see injustice, we are obligated to act — and just as a person’s values can change so can a nation.

An Unlikely Friendship

It would seem quite unusual for a former white supremacist Ku Klux Klan member and a Black pastor to become close friends, but that is exactly what happened in Laurens, South Carolina. This was where Reverend David Kennedy, a Black pastor, met the Grand Dragon of the local KKK, Michael Burden in 1996.

What was once a historically segregated movie theater, The Echo, became a white supremacist store, the Redneck Shop, which sold white nationalist and neo-Nazi paraphernalia owned by Michael Burden and John Howard. When the Redneck Shop opened in 1996, Reverend Kennedy fought continuously to have it closed and protested relentlessly outside, risking his life to stand up against hatred. Throughout the time of the shop’s existence, the building became the self-proclaimed “World’s Only Klan Museum” and the meeting spot for several white nationalist groups, including the National Socialist Movement (NSM), the largest neo-Nazi organization in the country, according to the Anti-Defamation League (CNN, 2021). When Kennedy stood up and fought against the store, he became a target for the KKK, putting his life, and the lives of those close to him, in jeopardy.

Opening the store was Burden’s idea, but he soon fell out with John Howard, and he and his family were struggling to get by. When Burden met his wife, he began questioning his affiliation with the KKK and his beliefs; he joined because he felt isolated and alone, and felt he had found a collective to belong to. Burden and his family had lived in the basement of the store at one time, but following the falling out with Howard they had nowhere to go. It was then that Reverend Kennedy extended a helping hand to Burden and his family, fed them, and aided them in finding housing.

Despite all that had gone before, Reverend Kennedy saw someone who needed help and was not found wanting (Greenville News, 2020). Burden sold his share of ownership in the shop to Kennedy in 1997 and turned over the building deed. Following a protracted legal battle Reverend Kennedy and his church were deemed to own the building although there was a legal stipulation attached which meant Howard could continue running the store rent-free until his death (Washington Post, 2021). Reverend Kennedy’s battle to have the store closed continued and the Redneck Shop was finally forced to close sixteen years after it had opened, by court order, in 2012.

How could a Black pastor have even contemplated helping a member of the KKK? Reverend Kennedy realized the courage it took for Burden to ask for help, particularly from him. Reverend Kennedy’s feelings toward Burden changed and he saw a man who was trying to help his wife and family, rather than seeing him as a KKK member who felt he should not exist. The selfless gesture of goodwill to someone who had only wished him ill previously began to sow the seeds of an unlikely friendship, one which is now 25 years old. If Reverend Kennedy and Burden could come together and form this friendship, nothing is impossible.

In 2012, following the court order, Reverend Kennedy and his church took full possession of the building. Rather than destroy its contents, many of the artifacts were saved to be used to engage in meaningful conversations about racial history and to attempt to tackle the difficult questions which resulted. In 2018, Regan Freeman, a local historian started researching what took place at the Redneck Shop, uncovering records and digging into the archives of the past 20 years. Eventually, he discovered posters of Hitler and other paraphernalia such as a KKK’s business card designed to scare Black families with a warning not to make the next visit a business call. Freeman also discovered that the Redneck Shop was a recruitment center of the American Nazi Party promoting evil and hate.

In 2019, Reverend Kennedy partnered with Freeman to establish The Echo Project. Under this foundation, The Echo Theater is now being restored and plans are underway to transform The Echo Theater and Redneck Shop into a museum of remembrance and reconciliation. The museum will tell the story of what happened in Laurens, including its struggle for justice and its fight against the Ku Klux Klan. What was once a segregated movie theater, and a store glorifying the KKK, is now becoming a center for social justice, healing, and reconciliation. It will display what Freeman uncovered and be a place where people can gather and engage with one another. What was once a base of hate is being transformed into a center that supports diversity and a place for every race and religion to congregate.

As for Burden, who joined the KKK believing no one loved him and thinking that they would become his family, he realized that he did not want to be a hateful evil person like the rest of the KKK. Burden hopes people will learn from the mistakes that he made and not choose to hate to belong. He also realized that it will be us, the people, who are going to make changes in this world, not the politicians (Washington Post, 2021).

As Reverend Kennedy once said, “You have to stand up for what is right regardless of what the consequences are, how long it takes, or who stands in your way … we are warriors, full of love and full of forgiveness, but we will always fight, even if it means dying for our communities” (CNN, 2021).  Now, many years later, both Reverend Kennedy and Burden stand in the light of grace, Reverend Kennedy knowing that he helped turn Burden’s life around and Burden being ever so grateful for it. If this was possible, then anything is possible. We often feel that our country, and the world, are so polarized and divisive that nothing can be done to remedy that. We can, and we must learn to forgive. It is possible to change our course, and it is possible to shun hatred, but we must have the will and humility to do so. The message in this story is inspirational, remembering that the impossible is possible, that love conquers hate, and that the power of forgiveness can transform.

Forgiveness has the capacity to touch many souls. The forgiveness that Reverend Kennedy extended to Burden went far beyond individual forgiveness. It had an impact on the community and society at large. This is what a political forgiveness process can look like. It may start with one individual and with that circumstances can emerge which affect communities and societies alike. As more individuals recognize the power of forgiveness, this kind of work begins to build a foundation that can change mindsets and ultimately build a culture of political forgiveness within our communities and support the healing of this nation.

Unfortunately, we have a terrible stain on our history and what this country was built on. This can be healed, especially if we can engage in a political forgiveness process. It is up to us. Like the story of Reverend Kennedy, Black History Month gives us the opportunity to learn from, as well as celebrate, heroes and cultural icons, and to strive for a more perfect union.

Bringing Together Israeli and Palestinian Families

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Parents Circle – Families Forum

The escalation of the war between Israel and Hamas has brought one parents’ group for peace to the forefront. The Parents Circle – Families Forum (PCFF) is an organization I have been following for years — on of over 600 families on both sides who have lost someone to the ongoing conflict, I’ve admired and respected them for their commitment to a structured program of joint understanding and compassion between Israelis and Palestinians. They believe an end to violence and a sustainable peace can only happen through a process of reconciliation between nations.

In an address to the UN general assembly a few years ago, I shared the story of Robi Damelin, a PCFF member. In one letter, Robi demonstrated the impact that a single individual or group of individuals can have on an international conflict.

Robi was born in South Africa but left her homeland because of Apartheid. She moved to Israel, only to encounter more issues of injustice. Her son David went into the Israeli army and was shot by a Palestinian. Robi wrote this letter to the mother of the Palestinian soldier who killed her son.

“For me, this is one of the most difficult letters I will ever have to write. I am the mother of an Israeli soldier who was killed by your son. If he had known David he could never have done such a thing. David was 28 years old and a student at Tel-Aviv University doing his masters in the Philosophy of Education. He had compassion for all people and understood the suffering of the Palestinians, who he treated with dignity. David was part of the peace movement and did not want to serve in the occupied territories.  Nevertheless, he went to serve when he was called to the reserves.

“Our children do what they do, and do not understand the pain they are causing. Your son is now in jail for many years and I will never be able to hold my son again, or see him married, or have a grandchild from him. I cannot describe to you the pain I feel since his death or the pain of his brother and girl-friend. And all of those who knew and loved him.

“I have worked my whole life for causes of co-existence, both in South Africa and here in Israel. After David was killed I looked for a way to prevent other families, both Israeli and Palestinian, from suffering the dreadful loss my family has endured. I was looking for a way to stop the cycle of violence. Nothing, for me, is more sacred than human life. No revenge or hatred can ever bring my child back.

“A year after David’s death, I joined the Parents Circle – Families Forum. We are a group of over 600 Israeli and Palestinian families who have come together because we have lost an immediate family member in the conflict. We have shown that reconciliation between individuals and nations is possible and it is this insight that we are trying to pass on to both sides of the conflict.

“After your son was captured, I spent many sleepless nights thinking about what to do. Should I ignore the whole thing, or will I be true to myself and the work that I am doing and try to find a way for closure and reconciliation. This is not easy for anyone and I am just an ordinary person. I came to the conclusion that I would like to reconcile. Maybe this is difficult for you to understand or believe, but I know, in my heart of hearts, this is the only path that I can chose.

“I understand that your son is considered a hero by many Palestinian people. He is considered a freedom fighter, fighting for justice and for an independent, viable Palestinian state. I also feel that if he understood that taking the life of another will not get you what you want and that if he understood the consequences of his act, he could see that a non-violent solution is the only way for both nations to live together in peace.

“I have given this letter to people I love and trust to deliver to you. They will tell you of the work we are doing, and perhaps create in your heart some hope for the future. I do not know what your reaction will be. It is a risk for me, but I believe that you will understand, as it comes from the most honest part of me.

“I hope that you will show this letter to your son, and that maybe in the future we can meet.

“Let us put an end to the killing and look for a way, through mutual understanding and empathy, to live a normal life, free of violence.”  — Robi Damlin

Robi is active in the PCFF organization to this day, and was recently profiled in an article, Clinging Onto Hope, by Marina Cantacuzino of The Forgiveness Project.

“I beg you not to take sides,” Robi said, “because your opinions are importing our conflict into your country and creating hate between Jews and Muslims. It doesn’t help us.”

Some might think that not taking sides is turning a blind eye to inequality, but Marina, the author of the article, explained: “[Robi] wasn’t saying don’t protest, she was just saying do it with less righteous anger, and demand an end to violence and the occupation with an emphasis on peace and inclusion. … It doesn’t mean being neutral. It means recognising that there is pain and trauma in both communities and navigating around this agony. If you don’t acknowledge this, you create a vacuum of silence.”

Marina said that silence and erasure are just another form of oppression, and an acknowledgement of the stories and suffering of the victims is an essential step in a process of healing. She quotes Nelson Mandela, who said, “Leaving wounds unattended leads to them festering, and eventually causes greater injury to the body of society.”

In the article Marina describes facilitating a discussion between Robi and Mohamed Abu Jafar, who attended virtually from the West Bank. In the discussion between this Israeli mother who had lost her son to the ongoing conflict and a Palestinian man whose 14-year-old brother had been shot by an Israeli soldier, they talked about “grief and conflict in the context of holding onto our shared humanity.”

In Marina’s experience with The Forgiveness Project one critical ingredient to forgiveness came up over and over again — curiosity. In encouraging the audience to explore the stories of a single Palestinian under siege, or a single Israeli hostage, Robi is asking them to rehumanize the other by “by looking with new eyes and a sense of curiosity.”

Somewhere in the middle, Marina said, is a new consciousness that will be able to “embrace complexity and contradiction at the same time as holding a deep reverence for the sanctity of every human life.”

Peace Is Not Just the Absence of War

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If I were to ask you what do we mean by peace, most people would speak of it as the absence of war. Peace is more than that. It is a state of mind, a way of being that can only happen when we are centered within ourselves. It happens when we are in touch with the essence of who we are, our spiritual essence. When people have a committed spiritual practice such as meditation or prayer, we see a calmness about them, a peacefulness of sorts. And when people come from a place of inner peace, that exudes outwardly in this world.

We can also ask ourselves what do we mean by justice. I am not talking about criminal justice we hear about in the courts but a higher justice. It is the kind of justice that recognizes all people are accorded basic human rights and transcends divisions of class, race, nationality and the many “isms” that can separate us. The virtue of justice requires not only that we judge others fairly but also that we judge ourselves fairly. Our sense of justice is formed by our beliefs. Just people are wise in the ways of fairness, equality and mercy. People who believe in justice question themselves, are aware of their own mistakes and so they are forgiving of others.

Working for justice is a spiritual practice. It increases our awareness of the interrelatedness of all people and the interdependence of life. Only a quest for justice can awaken our spiritual perception. A commitment to justice may foster a renewed perception of this spiritual reality — as we feel the suffering of others who we regard as strangers with our own selves. It is this kind of empathy which helps us be able to forgive.

This brings me to the work of forgiveness. Social transformation is brought about when individuals and groups are willing to be changed, even as they strive to change the world. Forgiveness, our inner healer is about change. To forgive on a transformational level we have to look within ourselves and shine a light on our darkness to be healed at a deep level. When we truly can forgive, we are given the gift of the experience of inexplicable love which changes us so as though there has been an interior renovation which has taken place and has no need for outer instruction. We have experienced the power of unconditional love and of the knowing or our spiritual connectiveness. The way we cultivate peace in our own hearts that is so powerful that we can weather any storm is through our connection with our spiritual self. The path that gets us there is through forgiveness. This is how forgiveness changes us and transforms us. The way this happens is as we shine a light on ourselves, we also recognize the light in others. It is through this lens that we view justice and know peace. This is where our greatest transformation lies.

Forgiveness: Breaking the Cycle of Hate

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In Aftermath of 2015 Terror Attacks on France, Voices of Forgiveness Began to Heal the Divide.

Horrific events are shocking, leaving in their aftermath pain and suffering. This was certainly true on November 13, 2015, when multiple sites in Paris were attacked by a 10-man unit of Islamic State terrorists in the deadliest peacetime attack on French soil. One of the sites hit was the Bataclan concert hall, as reported in an article by The Guardian’s Angelique Chrisafis. Three young gunmen entered the hall, killing 90 people who were attending a concert by the Eagles of Death Metal. The terrorists took some hostages, but a little after midnight when security forces stormed the hall, the terrorists detonated their own suicide belts.

On that horrific night, Georges Salines lost his 28-year-old daughter, Lola. Later he testified about his loss at what was widely considered the greatest criminal trial ever held in France, where hundreds of people who survived also shared gripping details of their ordeal. In the article, “Paris Attacks Trial to Conclude After 10 Months of Harrowing Testimony,” Salines was quoted as saying “What I felt from the start was the absurdity of these terrorist attacks where young people killed other young people.” And yet, he did not feel hate. During the trial, he listened to the testimony of Sister Danielle who was taken hostage and witnessed a horrific attack on an 86-year-old priest, Father Hamel, who was forced to his knees while his attackers slit his throat in Saint-Etienne du Rouvray. When a relative of Father Hamel said: ‘We were so sad, there wasn’t any room left for hate,’ Salinas felt something inside himself that found her words very true. Father Philippe Maheut, vicar general of the Rouen diocese, spoke to The Guardian afterward sharing a very important message: “We have to continue to meet, to know each other, understand each other, support each other. Perhaps the death of this poor man will produce an electroshock and will be such a strong symbol that people will say we have to do something, but we have said that before.” 

In the Guardian article, “Fathers of Forgiveness: The Extraordinary Friendship Formed in the Shadow of the Bataclan,’ Steve Rose reported how the events of that night took on a strange turn, bringing two unlikely men together who, by all accounts, should never have met: Salines who lost his daughter, and the father of one of the attackers who murdered his daughter. Azdyne Amimour, the father of the attacker, only learned of his son’s involvement two days after the attack when interrogating officers went to his home to inform Amimour that his son, Samy, was one of the perpetrators and had been shot dead by French police. Amimour didn’t even know that his son was in the country, no less would do such a thing. When he heard the news, he was shocked, angered, and very distressed, concerned for his son and for what he had done, feeling these emotions all at once. That night became the worst night of both men’s lives filling them with overwhelming pain. Earlier that day Salines had been enjoying a swim with his daughter. Later that night he was desperately hoping that she was still alive. Amimour had no idea that his son was gone forever, or for what reason, ending his life doing something so horrific and difficult for Amimour to comprehend.

It wasn’t until February 27, 2017, at a café in central Paris that Georges Salines and Azdyne Amimour first met, according to Rose. No questions were asked during the first meeting and instead, Amimour gave a long account of his own story and that of his son, who after starting law school slowly became radicalized, disappeared overnight, and resurfaced in Syria, and of Amimour’s own journey to Syria to find his son, only to be met by rejection. Over the course of their relationship, the men weren’t afraid of discussing extraordinarily painful subjects, which at times were very emotionally charged. Yet, despite their disagreements, they listened to one another in a deeply respectful way. Their goal was to have a better understanding of what had happened and why, to better prevent it from happening again. They wanted to heal hate, especially the hate the Islamic State wanted to initiate between the Muslim and non-Muslim world. Salines recognized this vicious circle and felt that reaching out to Amimour was a small attempt to break that cycle and possibly help heal a divide. Amimour felt the same too.

‘I think [forgiveness] can simply mean that you no longer seek revenge.’ — Georges Salines

After the Paris attacks, many rushed to blame the parents of the attackers. However, Salines dared to see things differently. He viewed the parents as fellow victims — especially Amimour. Salines took the time to understand the jihadist history and the psychological landscape that creates a situation that pushes people toward their movement. Salines understood that Amimour could not have prevented his son from going down the path of extremism. Through his willingness to understand, Salines was able to grow in empathy for all those who were suffering because of that tragic evening. He felt that talking with Amimour, a tolerant Muslim, yet father of a jihadist, showed others that it is possible to talk to one another and to take down the walls of mistrust, anger, and hatred which was dividing society. Amimour, too, knowing that people could possibly hate him, understood the pain Salines was feeling and as a gesture of compassion reached out to him.

Over time, Salines realized that forgiveness was the only way to heal the pain and suffering on all sides of the divide, no matter how difficult learning to forgive may be. He understood that it is only possible to forgive when the harm has been done to you directly. You can’t forgive for others — yet, no matter what, you can decide not to seek revenge, which is a great step forward in restoring peace. Since getting to know one another the two men have worked on strategies to prevent something like what happened at Bataclan from happening again by giving talks and workshops, especially with governments, schools, and prisons. Their message is always that of hope, friendship, and forgiveness in the shadow of the darkest night of their lives, the attack on Bataclan.

SOURCES

The Gifts of Forgiveness: A Personal Story

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By Karen Long

NOTE FROM EILEEN: Recently my editor, Karen Long, shared with me a story of forgiveness from her own life, and I asked her to tell it here. With the permission of her son and his father, Karen tells the story of how the three of them created a comfortable and easygoing co-parenting relationship after divorce, through the liberation of forgiveness.

As I was editing chapter two of Eileen’s forthcoming book, Healing Hate in America, I read this passage, “To be free of that anger would be liberating, and that freedom is what we call forgiveness.” I was swept up in gratitude because I’d personally experienced the liberation and healing power of forgiveness.

In 2021 when my son went away to college, both his father and I were there to help him move in. Darryl and I had separated in 2007 when Kellen was five, and yet, here we all were together, carrying boxes, bags, backpacks and Kellen’s monstera plant up to his new dorm room, laughing and joking the whole time without a trace of awkwardness. Afterwards we all went out for lunch, and Kellen posted a picture of the three of us to his Instagram story with the caption, “Moving in featuring my makers.”

It wasn’t always like this. When Darryl and I started the discussions that led to our divorce, I was blindsided — although I shouldn’t have been. While I knew things weren’t good between us, I vaguely figured that things would get better, or eventually we’d work on our issues. But I didn’t have the communication skills to initiate the conversations that needed to happen. The previous year we had moved to Amsterdam for Darryl’s job and, of all the outcomes I envisioned, becoming a single mother was not one of them. Still, we made a commitment to each other to put Kellen’s interests first, as well as our own agreement to practice openness and honesty — both within ourselves and towards each other — something we hadn’t been able to do while married.

When Darryl moved back to Los Angeles, I remained in Amsterdam with Kellen, with the agreement that we’d all talk on Skype once a week on Saturdays. Sitting a five-year-old in front of the webcam every week and facilitating a conversation between him and my estranged husband was one of the hardest things I’d ever done. Many times I was holding back tears while holding it together for Kellen. But all three of showed up every single week, 52 times a year, and bit by bit it became easier. Eventually Kellen and I moved back to my home town of Wichita, Kansas. By that point, at the end of our web chats instead of weeping I’d say to Kellen: “That was a pretty good talk wasn’t it?”

While I’d taken responsibility for my own role in the end of my marriage to Darryl, I knew I also needed to forgive him. But how? The hurt was an inflamed ball in my core eating away at me. With the support of friends, spiritual mentors and various modes of body work over the years I went on to have several major breakthroughs in forgiveness, peeling away the layers like an onion, as so often happens with emotional healing. One of my most important realizations was that forgiveness is a process, with its own ups and down — what’s important is your commitment to it, even when you’re feeling your most resentful and unforgiving.

Over the years, Kellen, Darryl, and I continued our weekly Saturday chats through Kellen’s Boy Scout years, karate belt ceremonies, piano recitals, middle school science fairs, birthdays and holidays. While Darryl and I still had occasional tense moments between ourselves, our Saturday chats became easier and easier, until the vast majority of them were “good conversations.” 

When Kellen was 13, he and I ran up against a stark difference of opinion on which high school he should attend; we called an emergency family meeting and Darryl supported my decision. Kellen went on to have a great high school experience and was accepted into every college he applied to, and I was immensely grateful his dad and I had the kind of relationship where we could work through these life issues together.

I’m not gonna lie: The forgiveness process was painful, especially in the beginning, full of ups and downs and seeming reversals. But I’m proud of all three of us for meeting our individual emotional journeys head on, and for showing up week after week for the Saturday webcam chats — which was the most important thing. At some point the Saturday chats became Sunday chats, and when Kellen was packing to go away to college, he was the one who said, “We’re going to continue our talks when I’m at college right.” It was also his idea for us to watch the entire Star Wars saga together, in chronological order, so we’ve added an hour of Disney Plus GroupWatch to our weekly schedule, and engage in rollicking discussions about the episodes afterwards. Whenever Darryl comes to visit Kellen and his side of the family in Wichita, he also makes a point to get together with me and my side of the family. 

The three of us appreciate the free and supportive family dynamic we’ve cultivated to support Kellen through 15 years of life’s celebrations and crises. Reading Eileen’s chapter, I became overwhelmingly grateful for the liberation of knowing that trend would continue into Kellen’s future: As Kellen goes through grad school applications, career milestones, relationships and possibly starting his own family, Darryl and I will both be there for him in full joy and power. Without tension, without awkwardness, without our own drama distracting from Kellen.

And the forgiveness arc still brings surprises. Last Christmas Darryl sent Kellen and me a mystery box in Wichita, not to be opened until we got together on Christmas Eve to open our gifts to each other. On the webcam that evening I was startled to find that Darryl had bought all of us matching red-and-black buffalo-print pajamas. And candles. 

“We can all wear our pajamas and light our candles while we open our gifts!” Darryl said. 

This was not a family tradition we’d ever celebrated when we all lived under one roof, nor was it anything I’d ever dreamed of in my wildest forgiveness fantasies. When I committed to the forgiveness journey years ago, I had no idea of the liberation, healing, and empowerment it could bring, bordering on the miraculous.

I’m excited to see where it takes us next.

The Reverend and the Grand Dragon

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February is Black History Month. It is a time of remembrance and celebration, a remembrance of part of our national history that we all may need to learn more about, and a celebration of the wonderful contributions African Americans have given our country. This month gives us an opportunity to reconcile with our past and celebrate the amazing Black Americans who have added so much richness to our country.

While we still are working toward racial justice, there are inspiring stories that shine a light on bravery and perseverance, stories that show when people can begin to question their basic values, we can change and experience and learn new things. The following story about the Echo Theater is a reminder that we can acknowledge and admit wrongs, concede failures, hear people more clearly, and seek forgiveness. When we see injustice, we are obligated to act — and just as a person’s values can change so can a nation.

An Unlikely Friendship

It would seem quite unusual for a former white supremacist Ku Klux Klan member and a Black Pastor to become close friends, but that is exactly what happened in Laurens, South Carolina. This was where Reverend David Kennedy, a Black Pastor, met the Grand Dragon of the local KKK, Michael Burden in 1996.

What was once a historically segregated movie theater, The Echo, became a white supremacist store, the Redneck Shop, which sold white nationalist and neo-Nazi paraphernalia owned by Michael Burden and John Howard. When the Redneck Shop opened in 1996, Reverend Kennedy fought continuously to have it closed and protested relentlessly outside, risking his life to stand up against hatred. Throughout the time of the shop’s existence, the building became the self-proclaimed “World’s Only Klan Museum” and the meeting spot for several white nationalist groups, including the National Socialist Movement (NSM), the largest neo-Nazi organization in the country, according to the Anti-Defamation League (CNN, 2021). When Kennedy stood up and fought against the store, he became a target for the KKK, putting his life, and the lives of those close to him, in jeopardy.

Opening the store was Burden’s idea, but he soon fell out with John Howard, and he and his family were struggling to get by. When Burden met his wife, he began questioning his affiliation with the KKK and his beliefs; he joined because he felt isolated and alone, and felt he had found a collective to belong to. Burden and his family had lived in the basement of the store at one time, but following the falling out with Howard they had nowhere to go. It was then that Reverend Kennedy extended a helping hand to Burden and his family, fed them, and aided them in finding housing.

Despite all that had gone before, Reverend Kennedy saw someone who needed help and was not found wanting (Greenville News, 2020). Burden sold his share of ownership in the shop to Kennedy in 1997 and turned over the building deed. Following a protracted legal battle Reverend Kennedy and his church were deemed to own the building although there was a legal stipulation attached which meant Howard could continue running the store rent-free until his death (Washington Post, 2021). Reverend Kennedy’s battle to have the store closed continued and the Redneck Shop was finally forced to close sixteen years after it had opened, by court order, in 2012.

How could a Black Pastor have even contemplated helping a member of the KKK? Reverend Kennedy realized the courage it took for Burden to ask for help, particularly from him. Reverend Kennedy’s feelings toward Burden changed and he saw a man who was trying to help his wife and family, rather than seeing him as a KKK member who felt he should not exist. The selfless gesture of goodwill to someone who had only wished him ill previously began to sow the seeds of an unlikely friendship, one which is now 25 years old. If Reverend Kennedy and Burden could come together and form this friendship, nothing is impossible.

In 2012, following the court order, Reverend Kennedy and his church took full possession of the building. Rather than destroy its contents, many of the artifacts were saved to be used to engage in meaningful conversations about racial history and to attempt to tackle the difficult questions which resulted. In 2018, Regan Freeman, a local historian started researching what took place at the Redneck Shop, uncovering records and digging into the archives of the past 20 years. Eventually, he discovered posters of Hitler and other paraphernalia such as a KKK’s business card designed to scare Black families with a warning not to make the next visit a business call. Freeman also discovered that the Redneck Shop was a recruitment center of the American Nazi Party promoting evil and hate.

In 2019, Reverend Kennedy partnered with Freeman to establish The Echo Foundation. Under the foundation, The Echo Theater is now being restored and plans are underway to transform The Echo Theater and Redneck Shop into a museum of remembrance and reconciliation. The museum will tell the story of what happened in Laurens, including its struggle for justice and its fight against the Ku Klux Klan. What was once a segregated movie theater, and a store glorifying the KKK, is now becoming a center for social justice, healing, and reconciliation. It will display what Freeman uncovered and be a place where people can gather and engage with one another. What was once a base of hate is being transformed into a center that supports diversity and a place for every race and religion to congregate.

As for Burden, who joined the KKK believing no one loved him and thinking that they would become his family, he realized that he did not want to be a hateful evil person like the rest of the KKK. Burden hopes people will learn from the mistakes that he made and not choose to hate to belong. He also realized that it will be us, the people, who are going to make changes in this world, not the politicians (Washington Post, 2021).

As Reverend Kennedy once said, “You have to stand up for what is right regardless of what the consequences are, how long it takes, or who stands in your way … we are warriors, full of love and full of forgiveness, but we will always fight, even if it means dying for our communities” (CNN, 2021).  Now, many years later, both Reverend Kennedy and Burden stand in the light of grace, Reverend Kennedy knowing that he helped turn Burden’s life around and Burden being ever so grateful for it. If this was possible, then anything is possible. We often feel that our country, and the world, are so polarized and divisive that nothing can be done to remedy that. We can, and we must learn to forgive. It is possible to change our course, and it is possible to shun hatred, but we must have the will and humility to do so. The message in this story is inspirational, remembering that the impossible is possible, that love conquers hate, and that the power of forgiveness can transform.

Forgiveness has the capacity to touch many souls. The forgiveness that Reverend Kennedy extended to Burden went far beyond individual forgiveness. It had an impact on the community and society at large. This is what a political forgiveness process can look like. It may start with one individual and with that circumstances can emerge which affect communities and societies alike. As more individuals recognize the power of forgiveness, this kind of work begins to build a foundation that can change mindsets and ultimately build a culture of political forgiveness within our communities and support the healing of this nation.

Unfortunately, we have a terrible stain on our history and what this country was built on. This can be healed, especially if we can engage in a political forgiveness process. It is up to us. Like the story of Reverend Kennedy, Black History Month gives us the opportunity to learn from, as well as celebrate, heroes and cultural icons, and to strive for a more perfect union.

Inequality, Polarization, and the Importance of Casting Your Vote

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Inequality and polarization are plaguing our society, ripping apart the fabric of this nation. It is not an isolated problem and all of us are part of this and need to take responsibility for where we are. What are we going to do about it? Vote. Simply vote. We all need to exercise our democratic right to cast our ballots on November 8th in the midterm elections and vote for what is important to each of us. Vote your conscience, vote for the change you want to see happen. Is it a change in politics, a different kind of society? You vote for what you want to see reflected in the country we live in. This is your democratic right, and indeed, your responsibility.

This is an important time in our country right now. It doesn’t matter what side of the aisle you are on, you need to have your voice heard. To not exercise that right is to be complicit in a faltering democracy and to agree with the status quo. One thing hopefully we can agree on, regardless of politics, is the importance of bringing people back together, healing the division in our country and making sure that we are electing people representing community interests and that those elected to positions of power are working to make society better for all of us. Democracy just doesn’t happen. We consciously need to think about what we want and actively build democracy up and preserve it. Democracy cannot exist if people just accept the status quo and don’t participate in it. If we don’t take part, we are at risk of losing it. This is what makes our country different from authoritarian types of government where people are just told and/or coerced into doing what is preferable for those in charge.

What does it mean to be in a democracy and what are our responsibilities as citizens participating in a democratic government? Clearly, voting is a primary way of participating in a democracy but we can’t stop there. We can also have our voices heard when we contact our senators, congressmen and women and State officials to tell them how we feel and outline our concerns about issues important to us. The people we elect are elected to represent each of us, not just those that voted for them on the ballot paper but all those in the locality, State or country. This is a profound responsibility and it is up to each of us to ensure that these elected officials are representing us in the right way and are held to account where necessary.

The importance of voting and the environment in which this midterm is of significant importance. There is deep political polarization, division, and contempt for the ‘other’. We have choices to make. Do we want to keep things the way they are, do we want more of what is happening, or do we want to move back a bit from the brink of what is currently taking place in our country? For change to take place we need to choose people who are going to represent our communities with an open mind, want to work with others where progress can be achieved, and are willing to take us down a different and more inclusive path. That is the choice we will have to make on November 8th. 

Our country is unique because of the rights we have that democracy affords us. These rights are not universal. There are places where you can’t vote, or your vote is not counted or your vote doesn’t matter or your vote cannot have an impact on society. This is not the case in the United States. The action of voting is so important, something that we need to cherish and something we certainly do not want to lose. Every American citizen has a right to vote and should be encouraged and allowed to vote. No US citizen has more of a right to vote than another and we should all embrace that right. It does not matter if you are voting Republican or Democrat, from a red state or a blue state, your right to vote is equal to anyone else’s right to vote.

Attempting to prevent others from voting who are legally entitled to vote would be denying them their rights in a democratic society. What happens on November 8th will impact the course of our nation over the next few years and beyond. If you don’t use your vote for what you truly want to see in your society, there is a good chance that your vote isn’t going to matter next time, or your vote will become irrelevant. This comes back to the idea of what a democracy is all about, and in the words of Abraham Lincoln when giving the Gettysburg Address, can we support a “government of the people, by the people, for the people, (which) shall not perish from the earth”. This is what our government was intended to be and therefore we should use our right to vote and seek the change that we are looking for.

Democracy is fragile, never more so than today, and many people may not truly understand what a democracy is or will have taken it for granted which is reflected when you don’t exercise your right to vote. What is implicit in this is that you are assuming that someone else is going to speak on your behalf and vote for the democracy you hold dear. We also need to think about how the actions of the politicians that we are voting for will affect our lives and the lives of the generations to come. To make an informed decision you have to know the facts and in order to know the facts you have to understand the source of information you are getting your facts from. Is it directly from the politicians themselves, from reliable sources where you can do your own fact-checking? It is sometimes hard to understand the truth of what is happening with all the noise, but it is all of your responsibility to do so. We can’t just listen to one source but we need to find those unbiased resources to enable us to do our own critical thinking and not let others decide for us. This is what is meant to participate in a democracy and to be responsible citizens. 

It takes commitment and work on all our parts so we can make clear judgments as to what is taking place in our country so we can make the right choices for the greatest good for all citizens living in this country. This doesn’t come easy and for some, it may be easier to let someone else do this for us but we can’t afford to be complacent and allow others to think for ourselves. We need to gather facts and be willing to talk to others who may not hold our same views to get a broader understanding of what may be best for all of us. This is what it means to actively participate in a democracy. We should recognize this as a privilege and something none of us should take for granted. A young democracy like ours is delicate and needs to be nurtured in healthy ways for it to grow in the ways it is meant to, an inclusive one which hears everyone’s voice and takes in the needs and concerns of all citizens here in the United States. If we allow this to grow and flourish then we will have a healthy democracy, a strong country that allows everyone to have a good life. 

When we truly understand the power of equality, we will all want to make sure that this is given to every one of us. When we recognize that we are all in this together and that by understanding and respecting one another we grow together in transformative ways. This is what truly makes our country great. We want to be able to live our lives in the way we want to live them, and to have the right to make our own decisions that will impact our families and our way of life. To do this we need to think, make our voices heard and of course get out and vote!

‘The Big Lie’ and The Impact On Our Society

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If you turn on the news it won’t be long before you will hear reference to ‘The Big Lie’.  ‘The Big Lie’, which has become so divisive in our nation, our communities, and even within our own families, alleges that the 2020 Presidential Election was ‘stolen’, an idea maintained by former President Donald Trump, his allies in the Republican Party, and his supporters. This inflamed rhetoric led to the insurrection of the Capitol on January 6th. It is a belief that denies reality, justifies violence, and sows the seeds of anger in society and hatred of the ‘other’, which is in this case, anyone who does not believe ‘The Big Lie.’ It is a conspiracy theory like no other and has furthered the divide in our society, pitting communities, neighbors, and even family members against each other who are on opposite sides of the argument. 

 

Statistics demonstrate this point. According to a CNN poll conducted in the summer of 2021, 36% of Americans did not believe that President Biden legitimately won the election, and among Republicans, that number jumped to 78%. Similar results were found in an NPR/PBS/Newshour/Marist Poll conducted in October 2021 where 75% of Republicans felt Trump was the legitimate winner. ‘The Big Lie’ has become so entrenched in our politics now that some state legislatures are attempting to ensure that mechanisms are put in place whereby they can overrule voters and substitute their own state of electors to choose the winner. This is a very serious threat to our democracy plain and simple. 

 

If we think about it, strip away the politics of the issue, and look at it through a different prism, how has one conspiracy theory become so prevalent in our politics and, more broadly, in our society?  How have we let it further deepen the divide and perpetuate an ‘us vs them’ environment? Fundamentally, and oversimplifying it for a moment, a difference in belief and opinions has been allowed to tear away at the very social fabric of our society to come between families, friends, communities, etc. On a very basic level, how can society and individuals deal with something like this, a belief or differing opinion which is given such importance in people’s lives? 

 

A loyal fanatic sports fan, whose team has a big local rival does not generally allow this to limit their friendships or interactions outside the arena of sports, so why is it so different in political ideology or political beliefs? Yes, many would attach more importance to political ideology or beliefs than sports or other areas of life, but do we define ourselves solely by political ideology? If I ask you ‘what defines you?’, what would you say? Would your answer simply be ‘Republican’ or ‘Democrat’? In the vast majority of cases, it is unlikely, so we can say there is more to a person and what defines them than political ideology. They may be a partner, a parent, a friend, a teacher, a librarian, a religious or spiritual person, a conservationist, a lover of the outdoors, or have many other defining characteristics, traits, or hobbies. We are more than just a political ideology or political affiliation; we have to be. 

 

We need to choose a less divisive path forward where people can have strong beliefs and convictions, yes, but their whole being is not defined by this, whether Republican or Democrat or the often forgotten ‘other’. No free-thinking person agrees with anyone, let alone any party or politician, 100% of the time, so why should they be 100% defined by a party or politician? They shouldn’t and we should challenge the belief that they should when we hear and see it. If there is a difficult divisive topic or significant issue at play it is bound to heighten tensions, stir up debate, and pit one side against another, that is the society and politics we currently have. So, what can we do? Yes, we can air opinions, forcefully debate the issue, defend a position and explain it, but let us not seek to attack those with opposing views and dehumanize them, let us not seek to use this issue as a reason to hate, let us be more respectful. There may be a significant issue at play, but it doesn’t mean that we individually, or collectively as a country, should be defined by it. Any issue should not have a disproportionate impact on everyone’s lives. 

 

We do not have to be defined by political beliefs, not individually or as a country. What is happening now in the United States is not normal – it doesn’t happen as a matter of course in western civilization. What is happening is the divide that has long been present is deepening. This division and polarization are a real and urgent concern and something that we need to tackle now to stop it from getting worse and to stop it from going past the point of no return. The current environment in which we are living is a clear and present danger for all of us. To move forward, to have a society that can come together, the divided nature of society in this country needs to be repaired. The political polarization and the dehumanization that started within the political arena have long since spilled over into society, past political parties, and into other areas of people’s lives, and communities. It is so widespread across the nation that we need to take action to heal the country, to heal that division, and bring us back to the center point where things like cooperation with those seen as the ‘other’ now do not seem completely off the table. 

 

One way to address this division is through a political forgiveness process, a process which can help transform our thinking where we can begin to understand one another at a deeper level, have empathy for the ‘other’ and which can help all of us change our mindsets to be more accepting of the ‘other’. A political forgiveness process focuses on all levels of society bringing everyone together in a healing capacity that can ultimately bring peace and stability to all of us individually, to our communities, and to our nation. We can no longer wait to engage in a healing process. We must start now.