The Power of Acknowledgment and Community

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The Fourth of July is a time when Americans come together, not only to celebrate the birth of our nation, but to reflect on the values it represents and the gratitude and appreciation for our freedom. It is a time to build a better community, even in the midst of conflict and brokenness, and to strive for a more inclusive society. Luckily for us, there are communities around the world that have been able to come together after being torn apart by conflict and war, which teach us how to do the same, and how the role of forgiveness has played a powerful part in the healing process.

Receiving the Truth With Mercy

In my most recent interview, I spoke with a wonderful woman, Libby Hoffman, whose work focuses on repairing “fireproof containers of community” to hold the work that people need in their communities, recognizing that “handling the heat” is a good thing. She was inspired by the words of Anglican Bishop MacLeod Baker Ochola who said:

“Once the truth is known, it is very bitter for you to swallow. Truth is very deadly; it can kill. But how can you handle it? It is only through mercy. Mercy can let you hold it. If you want to carry live fire in your hands, you will throw it away because it will burn. But if you hold it in something good, that does not conduct heat, you can take the fire. So, it is the same with this, truth revealed — you can receive it with mercy.”

Bishop Baker Ochola’s words helped guide Libby in her work in Sierra Leone and with the post-war reconciliation program, Fambul Tok (Family Talk). Libby is the founder and president of Catalyst for Peace, and facilitated the growth of Fambul Tok into a national policy framework.

Forgiveness is deeply ingrained in the fabric of Sierra Leonean culture and was a powerful force in helping Sierra Leoneans heal from their civil war. This was illustrated in the powerful story of Captain Savage. Mohammed Savage was one of the most notorious commanders in the civil war. Many people say if the special court had indicted 14 people instead of 13, he would have been the next one. Savage was from Kono, the diamond district in Sierra Leone, where a majority of his command had taken place. He was so notorious for his gruesome killings that a pond, which turned into a mass grave, was named the Savage Pit. This pit was the place where decapitated heads and bodies of people he had killed were buried. In that community was another notorious leader who had killed and beheaded 17 members of his own family, Tamba Joe.

The Search for Tamba Joe

When Fambul Tok visited that community, there was considerable discussion about whether even to have a bonfire, the heart of the ceremony rooted in local culture and tradition. However, it was ultimately decided that the community would never be able to move on unless they could discuss what had happened. So, people spent months searching for Tamba Joe, hoping to find him and bring him back so he could apologize. The community wanted to let Tamba Joe know that he would be welcomed back to testify at the ceremony. Yet no one could find him. Was he out of the country? Was he dead? No one knew. And when there finally was a Fambul Tok ceremony, his sisters, including one named Naomi Joe, were there to speak on his behalf. When the father of many of the victims stood up to talk about what happened to his children, the sisters came forward to apologize for Tamba Joe. The father, who was testifying, forgave the sisters, which initiated a healing process and led to an agreement to work together.

After the ceremony, Naomi Joe and her sisters desperately wanted Tamba Joe to come home. People searched all around the country, and eventually Naomi Joe strongly sensed that Tamba Joe was no longer alive. Then someone asked her if Tamba Joe were found, would she have a message she would like to give him? Yes, Naomi Joe replied. Here’s what she said:

“What I have to tell you — don’t be afraid. Anything can happen to us. And everything has an end. There is time for crying. There is time for death. There is time for happiness. I believe with our apology at the bonfire for the role that you played, we have been forgiven. So, wherever you are, you should not be afraid to come home. But if you are not ready to come, at least let there be some communication between us. Now I have taken the responsibility to work together as a family. We have lost enough of our relatives in the war. Our mother is now dead. Our father is now dead. Our cousins died. Even our children died in this war — a lot of them. Please come home so that we can do some cleansing and sacrifices to all who have died. That is all I have to say.”

Tamba Joe never appeared, but the message meant for him found its way to Mohammed Savage. It was the first time Savage had seen such a message from people who had suffered during the war, a message that conveyed the villagers’ willingness to accept him back into the community. And for whatever reason, Savage felt the message was speaking directly to him. Savage needed people to understand his plight, that he had a conscience which kept him in a dark place, and he, too, was suffering in very private ways. He wanted to be free, yet he knew fingers were pointing at him. He knew he had to come clean.

The Apology of Mohammed Savage

Savage realized that if he could admit what he had done, he could then help to heal the communities where he had caused so much harm. Due to issues concerning the special court, it took 18 months before Savage was able to attend a special bonfire just for him, where he came face to face with many of the people he had harmed, acknowledged what he had done, and, in an astonishing moment, apologized.

In her book, Fambul Tok, Libby Hoffman relates how the villagers of his community accepted Savage’s apology, including the Paramount Chief, who at one time never wanted to see Savage, then changed his mind, saying, “I’ve begun to see him as a human being.” With time, Savage returned to the community, engaging in constructive ways. He became a member of the Fambul Tok staff and began to work with ex-combatants using his story to help them come to terms with the harm they inflicted on others and ensure there would be no repeats. His story illustrates beautifully how individuals touched by the power of forgiveness can be transformed and become agents of societal change. This is how individuals, through their journey of forgiveness, create social change and become forces of political forgiveness.

The Importance of Acknowledgement

Acknowledgement plays a pivotal role in the Fambul Tok process, just as it does in the process of political forgiveness: There needs to be an acknowledgment of the crimes committed by the perpetrators of the harm caused. Survivors also need to acknowledge the pain and suffering shared by survivors and perpetrators — as individuals and in communities — and to understand that those who harm, in many cases, are themselves victims of significant harm. There is the trauma of oppression for both sides. This is very difficult to see, especially with groups who have a history of violence toward one another.

What becomes harder for people to acknowledge is that there is decency in the perpetrator’s community, and therefore, not every person is collectively responsible. More difficult is the acknowledgement of humanity in each other: understanding that anyone is just as capable of causing harm as the other, if they were living under the same circumstances. This becomes part of the healing work that needs to be done for forgiveness to be transformative. People will need to be held accountable for their actions and then come together to make decisions on how to repair the community. Only then can new relationships be formed and forgiveness offered.

The Fireproof Container of Community

What can we learn from the Fambul Tok process that can be applied to community healing in the United States? It’s the strength of the community and the power of forgiveness. It was the people who decided to work together, committed to having the hard conversations, acknowledging the truth of the atrocities together in front of the community, and recognizing that the healing community could be a strong enough container to hold even the heat of egregious actions, such as those of the civil war in Sierra Leone. Not dealing with the past was paralyzing those communities and holding them back. The power of community created the space that supports tough, hard conversations, such as Fambul Tok. It is a commitment to move forward together and act! It is this power of communities coming together with their energies and resources that is a lesson we can all learn from.

To learn more about Fambul Tok and Libby Hoffman’s work, enjoy the Political Forgiveness episode, “Forgiving a War Commander. Forging Community.” on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Forgiveness Heals Post-Election Violence, Kenya, 2008

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Twenty-five women said “enough.” While politicians pointed fingers and communities burned, these women rolled up their sleeves, and rebuilt their world — one water pipe, one factory, one peace treaty at a time. Mary Noble, co-founder of Feminenza, was the woman who orchestrated this transformation. She learned forgiveness in the most personal way possible: when her husband left her for another woman. That betrayal, that pain, that moment of choosing grace over revenge, became the foundation for healing an entire nation. Fair warning: You’re going to want to share this episode with everyone you know.

Mary Noble

Mary Noble is the co-founder and CEO of Feminenza, a nonprofit organization, which had its beginnings in 2000 with a gathering of some 400 women from all corners of the world working toward a greater mutuality between genders. Feminenza promotes the long-term development of women as peacemakers, their roles in leadership and society, and their partnership with men to establish a more humane and peaceful world. Mary creates and leads training programs in forgiveness.

#Forgiveness #PoliticalForgiveness #PersonalGrowth #Healing Relationships #HealingNations

Where to Find Mary Noble

Email: forgiveness@feminenza.org

Feminenza: https://feminenza.org

Upcoming workshop: The Seven Pillars of Forgiveness

Forgiveness PoliticalForgiveness Feminenza MaryNoble WomenPeacemakers Kenya PostElectionViolence PeaceBuilding ConflictResolution

About Eileen Borris

Dr. Eileen Borris is a clinical and political psychologist who has pioneered the concept of political forgiveness on the individual, community and national level. She has addressed the United Nations and has worked for over 30 years to build peace in areas of conflict around the world, including Rwanda, South Africa, Liberia, Nigeria, Ethiopia, and the Middle East. Eileen is the author of Finding Forgiveness: A 7 Step Program for Letting Go of Anger and Bitterness and the creator of Healing the Divide, a program that trains leaders and other individuals interested in applying the principles of political forgiveness to transform their lives and create social change.

Be Part of Eileen’s Community

Subscribe to Political Forgiveness podcast on Apple, Spotify, YouTube, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Subscribe to Political Forgiveness newsletter: https://www.drborris.com

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/dreileenborris

Eileen’s book: Finding Forgiveness: A 7 Step Program for Letting Go of Anger and Bitterness

 

00:00 Introduction and Welcome

01:19 Mary Noble’s Personal Journey to Forgiveness

02:53 The Role of Forgiveness in Society

05:49 Forgiveness in Conflict Zones: The Kenya Experience

08:54 Empowering Women for Community Healing

17:21 Workshops and Training Programs

20:21 Personal Stories of Transformation

28:26 Final Thoughts and Contact Information

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Forgiving Our Enemies and Our Exes

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Forgiveness can enter our lives in strange ways. For Mary Noble she was consumed with anger and pain when one day her husband announced that he was leaving her for another woman. Mary, founder and CEO of Feminenza, a nonprofit organization where Mary gives training programs in forgiveness, did not always support the belief in forgiveness. She was in shock over the end of her marriage — didn’t even see it coming. And for six months she was filled with anguish.

In the upcoming “Political Forgiveness: Voices of Peace” episode I interviewed Mary, who shared a dream that her husband came back, and in the dream Mary knew they were going through all the difficulties they had put each other through yet again. When Mary woke up, she realized that she needed to move on.

Forgiving Our Exes

During the course of that day the word forgiveness “landed” in Mary. In her heart of hearts, she wanted her life back. She wanted to be free of her anger, to forgive her ex and his lover. At that moment of truly wanting to let go, she felt something inside of her — as though a miracle had happened, a moment of grace where the anger totally dissipated replaced by feelings of joy. Mary realized this was not about her ex, it was about her inner healing. She recognized that there was something greater going on and, in that moment, she experienced the power of grace. An interior renovation took place where she was able to totally let go of her pain. In her sincere desire to let go of her anger and resentment Mary was able to experience grace, and all of a sudden the anger was gone. That is the miracle of forgiveness and it can happen to anyone.

Forgiving Our Enemies

This experience was so powerful that it stayed with Mary and 20 years later, as she was developing programs for Feminenza, the issue of forgiveness kept coming up. This inspired Mary to engage in a two-year study of forgiveness, asking herself questions such as, “Why should we forgive?” and “What about the perpetrator.” She realized that as a society, as a human race, the lack of forgiveness is enshrined in what we consider the right way to go: you know, vendettas, tit for tat, sweet revenge — the things we believe are okay to do. All of this affects our ability as a human race to evolve, to become better human beings. Then a Congolese pastor who worked at the United Nations sat down with Mary and pulled out pictures of mutilated bodies. Mary asked what was she looking at and he replied, you are looking at the result of the civil war in the Congo and the lack of forgiveness. Generation after generation, leader after leader, each one comes into power and massacres everyone who was there before. Then the pastor said, “I think, Mary, forgiveness is the only way out of this.”

So how do we heal what has been passed down from generation to generation? Forgiveness is about the art of healing. This is what Mary was doing — creating a certain ecology in her workshops that is so warm and loving that it provided the space and the opportunity for people to release at least some of what they were holding on to.

Peeling the Layers

When we are willing to engage in a forgiveness process and are willing to do the work, it is like peeling the layers of an onion. We begin to deal with our anger, our fear, our guilt. We give ourselves permission to mourn. And then we can begin to release pain and sorrow and in that releasing we begin to remove blocks to the ability to love. That’s the profoundness of forgiveness. We don’t necessarily think about it in that way, but there are many levels of forgiveness from the pragmatic, letting go of pain and suffering, to the sublime, knowing grace and the face of God.

Through the work of forgiveness, we develop the ability to connect with our humanity. That interconnectedness can become very powerful — that what I see in you is what I also know is in me, because we are all part of the human condition. As we go deeper into the forgiveness process, we begin to understand what it really means to love: I can see you in your entirety. The deeper we begin to recognize what it means to be human and get in touch with our own humanity, the more we peel off those layers, the more we are also learning about what real love is. And if we can get to a place of being able to love someone — even though they may have harmed us deeply — that is the highest form of love we will ever really know.

The Practice of Forgiveness With Dr. Loren Toussaint

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Does time really heal all wounds? In this engaging podcast episode, host Eileen Borris talks with health psychologist Loren Toussaint about the multifaceted nature of forgiveness. They discuss how forgiveness is an intentional process akin to developing healthy habits, debunking the myth that time heals all wounds. The conversation delves into how forgiveness can be practiced daily to improve mental health and social relationships.

Eileen and Loren also explore the role of spirituality in forgiveness and the applicability of forgiveness principles in building cohesive communities. The episode aims to elevate understanding and practice of forgiveness in both personal and political spheres as a means to foster social change.

Dr. Loren Toussaint is a professor of psychology at Luther College in Decorah, Iowa. His research examines and encourages “everyday forgiveness” to build resilience and minimize stress in families, schools, healthcare, workplaces, and communities. Everyday forgiveness is taught through the Forgiveness Foundation which is an education and outreach organization emphasizing the role of forgiveness in building resilience and encouraging personal growth. Dr. Toussaint and colleagues recently published a compendium of research titled: Forgiveness and Health: Scientific Evidence and Theories Relating Forgiveness to Better Health.

Where to Find Dr. Toussaint

Facebook: @loren.toussaint

Twitter: @LorenToussaint

LinkedIn: Loren Toussaint

Email: touslo01@luther.edu

forgivenessfoundation.org

luther.edu/faculty/loren-toussaint

 

Dr. Eileen Borris is a clinical and political psychologist who has pioneered the concept of political forgiveness on the individual, community and national level. She has addressed the United Nations and has worked for over 30 years to build peace in areas of conflict around the world, including Rwanda, South Africa, Liberia, Nigeria, Ethiopia, and the Middle East. Eileen is the author of Finding Forgiveness: A 7 Step Program for Letting Go of Anger and Bitterness and the creator of Healing the Divide, a program that trains leaders and other individuals interested in applying the principles of political forgiveness to transform their lives and create social change.

Be Part of Eileen’s Community

Subscribe to the Political Forgiveness newsletter at drborris.com or on LinkedIn.

Subscribe to the Political Forgiveness podcast on Apple, Spotify, YouTube, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Book: Finding Forgiveness: A 7 Step Program for Letting Go of Anger and Bitterness

 

00:00 Introduction to Political Forgiveness

00:45 Meet Loren Toussaint: Expert on Forgiveness

01:20 Defining Forgiveness: Beyond Letting Go

04:58 The Intentionality of Forgiveness

07:16 Forgiveness as a Daily Practice

12:33 Building Forgiving Communities

21:22 Spiritual Foundations of Forgiveness

31:45 Final Thoughts and Contact Information

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The Power of Forgiveness With Dr. Fred Luskin

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How do you move beyond grievance to become an active creator in your own life? Dr. Eileen Borris interviews Dr. Fred Luskin to break down common myths around forgiveness. They discuss how an Amish community forgave a shooter who murdered five schoolchildren. If you weren’t born into a culture of forgiveness like the Amish, Fred talks about the building blocks of forgiveness to get you started. It is possible to step out of victimhood and open to the beauty, preciousness, and gratitude of this life.

Dr. Fred Luskin is the director of the Stanford University Forgiveness Projects. He’s also the author of the bestselling books, Forgive for Good and Forgive for Love. Forgive for Good is the best-selling self-help book published on the topic of forgiveness. Fred has been interviewed hundreds of times in worldwide media, including the New York Times, O Magazine, the Los Angeles Times, Time Magazine, Huffington Post, and he has been featured on the Today Show and CBS Morning News. Learn more at fredluskin.com.

Dr. Eileen Borris is a clinical and political psychologist who has pioneered the concept of political forgiveness on the individual, community, and national level. She has addressed the United Nations and has worked for over 30 years to build peace in areas of conflict around the world, including Rwanda, South Africa, Liberia, Nigeria, Ethiopia, and the Middle East. Eileen is the creator of Healing the Divide, a program that trains leaders and other individuals interested in applying the principles of political forgiveness to transform their lives and create social change.

Subscribe to the Political Forgiveness newsletter at drborris.com or on LinkedIn.

Subscribe to the Political Forgiveness podcast on YouTube, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Facebook: @DrEileenBorris

Book: Finding Forgiveness: A 7 Step Program for Letting Go of Anger and Bitterness

Timecodes

00:00 Introduction to Political Forgiveness

00:43 Meet Dr. Fred Luskin

01:40 The Culture of Grievance

09:20 Understanding Forgiveness

11:06 The Role of Victimhood and Anger

13:29 Forgiveness in Communities

15:26 Daily Practice of Forgiveness

17:32 Forgiveness in Relationships

26:52 The Teachability of Forgiveness

29:40 Conclusion and Resources

 

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Political Forgiveness: Voices of Peace | Season 1 Trailer

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Season 1 Trailer

Welcome to a podcast of hope and bridging the divide, where forgiveness and political forgiveness intersect to create a better world. Your host, Eileen Borris, will take you on an incredible journey down the path of forgiveness. In this monthly podcast guests will include people from countries that have experienced genocide, violence, or civil war. They’ll be talking about how forgiveness changed their lives and why it is especially important for political stability and reconciliation.

Other guests will be experts in the field, sharing their knowledge and insight, speaking to the power of forgiveness in the healing of individuals, our communities, and our nation. Humanity is at a turning point, and to face the present challenges requires psychological and spiritual growth through forgiveness.

Dr. Eileen Borris is a clinical and political psychologist who has pioneered the concept of political forgiveness on the individual, community, and national level. She has addressed the United Nations and has worked for over 30 years to build peace in areas of conflict around the world, including Rwanda, South Africa, Liberia, Nigeria, Ethiopia, and the Middle East. Eileen is the creator of Healing the Divide, a program that trains leaders and other individuals interested in applying the principles of political forgiveness to transform their lives and create social change.

Join Our Community!

Subscribe to the Political Forgiveness newsletter at drborris.com or on LinkedIn.

Subscribe to the Political Forgiveness podcast on YouTube, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Facebook: @DrEileenBorris

Book: Finding Forgiveness: A 7 Step Program for Letting Go of Anger and Bitterness

#politicalforgiveness #forgiveness #love #eileenborris

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Jimmy Carter: A Man Who Knew Forgiveness

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Jimmy Carter was a complicated man, a humble peacemaker, and he could also be fiercely competitive. He held on to grievances and yet he was also a Baptist Sunday school teacher who believed in forgiveness and recognized the good in people. This added to the complexity of who Jimmy Carter was.

Carter had many political rivals who he held strong emotions towards. Gerald Ford, Edward Kennedy, and the Clintons were just a few of the difficult relationships. During his 1976 presidential run, Carter spoke of Ford as being “incompetent, and his policies morally and politically and intellectually bankrupt,” as reported by The Washington Post. Over time Carter had a change of heart, which can only come about through a practice of forgiveness. He came to praise Ford as reflected in his inaugural address: “For myself and for our nation, I want to thank my predecessor for all he has done to heal our land.” Carter received a standing ovation for his kind words. Later these men began working closely together as well as becoming very intimate friends.

Carter described his relationship with Ford “as the closest bond between any two former presidents,” both of whom made a pact that the one who lived longer would speak at the other’s funeral. In 2006 it was Carter who spoke at Ford’s funeral. The men and both their wives had become exceptionally close. Carter’s words at the funeral reflected his feelings in saying, “The four of us learned to love each other,” as Betty Ford nodded and Rosalynn Carter dabbed tears from her eyes. In January of 2025, during Carter’s funeral, Steven Ford read the eulogy his father wrote, which spoke of his love and appreciation for Carter.

The same two men once traded insults and accusations as they competed for the presidency. But The Washington Post reported that, at the funeral for the 39th president, the 38th president eulogized: “Now is a time to say goodbye, our grief comforted with the joy and the thanksgiving of knowing this man, this beloved man, this very special man. He has given the gift of years, and the American people and the people of the world will be forever blessed by his decades of good works. Jimmy Carter’s legacy of peace and compassion will remain unique as it is timeless.” This relationship speaks to the power of forgiveness, which Jimmy Carter embraced.

Although Carter did not make peace with all his political opponents, he was determined to reconcile with as many as he could. With Ford, fences mended quickly. With Edward Kennedy reconciliation came more slowly. Perhaps it was Carter’s recognition of how politics was dividing the nation that made him realize the importance of “cleaning up his own house,” his own personal fractures, one at a time. The consciousness of forgiveness is who he was, and he understood the importance of building relationships, especially in the political world.

The Camp David Peace Accords

The Camp David peace accords was Carters most lasting achievement. It was Ford who helped Carter build a relationship with Egyptian president Anwar Sadat, which began to pave the way for the Camp David peace accords. Between January 1977 and September 1978 President Carter worked closely with Sadat and Israeli Prime Minister Menachem Begin to find a way to bring these men to the negotiating table. Carter realized just as the relationship between Egypt and Israel was laden with distrust and doubt, so too was the relationship between Sadat and Begin.

Throughout 1977 there were separate conversations and visits between Carter, Sadat and Begin, without either side budging from their entrenched positions. Finally Carter invited both men to come to Camp David for a series of private talks scheduled in September 1978. There were many heated arguments and a great deal of frustration and disappointment. Toward the end of the talks, Begin’s foreign minister told Sadat that Israel would never compromise on certain major issues. Sadat and his staff began packing their bags and asked for a helicopter to take them back to Washington so they could return home. Carter spoke to Sadat, reminding him of his promises to Carter and the global importance of his role as peacemaker, and convinced the Egyptian president to stay.

By the 13th day the men had reached an impasse. It was now Begin who decided to call it quits. Carter was asked to call for a car so Begin could leave behind Camp David and all possibilities for a real chance at an Israeli-Egyptian peace.

As Begin and his team were packing their bags Carter, knowing the prime minister’s love for his eight grandchildren, personally inscribed each of their names on photographs of the three men taken a week earlier during a visit to Gettysburg, along with messages expressing his hope that one day there would be peace. Carter then walked over to Begin’s cabin and hand delivered the photos. As Begin read the handwritten notes on the photos, his lips began to quiver and his eyes filled with tears. He realized his responsibility to his people, and especially what happens to children in war. According to carterschool.gmu.edu, Begin “put his bags down and said, ‘Mr. President, I’ll make one last try.’ Six months later, in March of 1979, Egypt and Israel signed a peace treaty that would end three decades of violent conflict between both countries.”

The success of the Camp David accords was possible, in part, because all three men were able to talk to each other directly and deeply and got to know each other as fellow human beings. There was a fraught personal relationship between Begin and Sadat that nearly derailed the entire peace process. It was President Carter’s personal touch and understanding of the importance of relationships in a political peace process that changed the tide of events. He learned the importance of letting go of grievances and the necessity of reconciling with people, which can only happen through the practice of forgiveness. He used this knowledge in developing relationships with others, leading to decades of peace between Israel and Egypt for which Carter was awarded a Nobel Peace Prize in 2002.

Using Power for the Good of Others

Protestant theologian Reinhold Niebuhr once said; “The sad duty of politics is to establish justice in a sinful world.” Carter understood this and recognized that we have a duty to make this world better, but our capacities are limited. He also knew that this country has a soul, that there is good and bad — but what is most important is having the commitment to establishing justice in an unjust world.

We admire Carter, not just for particular policies but for having the ability to amass power and use it for the good of others, leaving the world in a little better place. Yes, there was the Camp David accords and other achievements that happened during Carter’s life, but his greatest gift was showing us how to express our better angels. He rose from a very poor beginning to the pinnacle of power and never strayed from being in touch with himself. He held firmly to his beliefs and what he valued with the recognition that our worth does not come from outside of ourselves, but what is within us. He wanted to make a gentler world and he did. It is now up to us to carry that torch to make this a better country and a more compassionate world.

 

SOURCES

Mary Jordan and Kevin Sullivan, The Washington Post, “Jimmy Carter Made Enemies, then Peace,” December 31, 2024

Toluse Olorunnipa, The Washington Post, “Gerald Ford, in eulogy read by son, calls Carter his ‘old friend,’ ” January 9, 2025

carterschool.gmu.edu, Audrey Williams, “Camp David, Hal Saunders, and Responsibility in Peacemaking,” Accessed January 14, 2025

Reinhold Niebuhr, Love and Justice: Selections from the Shorter Writings of Reinhold Niebuhr, Westminster John Knox Press, 1992

Bringing Families Back Together This Holiday Season

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The election is now over, and in its wake are a lot of unhealed emotions. People are fearful, not knowing the direction the country is going and still trying to process what has happened. Unfortunately, also in its wake is the destruction of relationships, including family members cutting off ties with one another, reducing them just to their vote. We have to remember that a person is more than just their vote, more than their politics and more than just one action.

I was reading a story about Mónica Guzmán, senior fellow for public practice at Braver Angels and committed to bridging the political divide as she recounted what she experienced with a group of friends in Seattle in recent years. Guzmán is a liberal who voted for President Joe Biden and Hillary Clinton in recent years. Her parents are conservatives supporting Trump all the way. When Guzmán got together with her friends she started feeling queasy and uncomfortable when people were describing supporters of Trump as “monsters.” Jokes were being made and other things were being said alluding to Trump supporters as being ignorant, uncaring and even immoral. Even Guzmán herself got caught up in agreement of what was being said as she laughed along with the others. Yet she knew something was wrong. She understood that saying things about others was actually harmful — not just in attacking the “other” side, but even more importantly attacking how we relate to others, which in turn becomes an attack on ourselves. In some respects, Guzmán felt that an attack on Trump voters was also an attack on her parents, people she deeply loved.

More Alike Than We Are Different

In an article for the Washington Examiner titled Our Political Opponents Are Not Our Enemies, journalist Julian Adorney says the data shows we have many values in common across the political spectrum:

In Say It Well, former Obama speechwriter Terry Szuplat cites a recent survey in which “roughly 90% of the people … Republicans and Democrats alike, said that personal responsibility, fair enforcement of the law, compassion, and respect across differences were important to them.” We all share the same underlying values, even if we disagree with our brothers and sisters across the aisle about how these values should manifest in public policy.

We have a culture where there are a lot of narratives that go unchecked, where misinformation spreads like wildfires and where we really don’t know what is in people’s hearts. We believe that our side’s fears are real while the “other” side’s fears are imagined. That’s not true. Each side has a mix of fears that are grounded in reasonable concerns and fears grounded in hyperbole. So what can we do when family members are panicking about what is taking place in our country, or are afraid of being attacked by others, or feeling tension at a family gathering because of other members hold vastly different views?

The first thing is to honor how you feel. We have feelings for a reason. They serve as a barometer of what is happening within us and therefore it would be helpful to ask ourselves why we feel the way we do, and then to reach out to people who have different points of view who also care about you and share your concerns. This can bring us comfort. Now is the time to get out of our silos and reach out to others. We just might learn that our beliefs about what is happening are getting in our way of seeing a more complete picture.

People in Your Life Are Not the Political Leaders They Voted for

In terms of managing relationships, remember that the people in your life are not the political leaders they voted for. Too often this becomes blurred in our minds. Although they may believe in and support what their candidate talks about, they are not Kamala Harris or Donald Trump. There is emotional maturity required here. We have to learn to emotionally self-regulate when someone in our circle of family or friends thinks differently than we do. If we don’t like the way someone voted it is our problem — not theirs. A little understanding here can go a long way. If you can’t explain to someone your understanding of where they are coming from and why they voted the way they did, and they respond positively back to you, you have more work to do. Having said that, there may be times when people may push hard on you, and if this happens it is appropriate to set limits and boundaries.

The glue that will hold us together comes down to this: our shared values and our hopes and dreams for our country. Just because we express different political views doesn’t mean that we don’t have similar values or a moral compass that guides us. It will be our hopes and dreams that will connect us. It is out of our control as to what will happen down the road in our country — yet what is in our control is how we view and treat one another. We need to learn to appreciate how people are feeling without judgment, to understand where people are coming from, and that all of us are hurting in our own ways. And perhaps it is our pain that will also bring us together. Perhaps it is through our feelings that we can begin to relate to one another and recognize the humanity in all of us.

And so, for the holidays instead of holding on to anger and fear in your hearts, recognize that we have choices, including the choice to let go of anger and instead see our world with greater understanding. Walk in your world with a greater willingness to at least try to go deeper in our understanding of one another, to recognize that we can connect with meaningful values, that all of us have felt fear and pain, which now calls for greater love and compassion. This is the meaning of the holiday season, a season based on the consciousness of unconditional love and forgiveness. And if we can hold this consciousness within our hearts this will be a very special holiday, for what we give to others we give to ourselves. Happy holidays everyone.

Opponents Sitting Down Together Build Coalitions and Trust

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I was listening to a wonderful podcast How Do We Get Through This hosted by Tim Phillips, founder of Beyond Conflict, which spoke of how we can navigate through our fears and uncertainty surrounding the upcoming elections and what this means for our future.

Phillips founded Beyond Conflict with the focus of helping emerging democracies in Central and Eastern Europe come to terms with their past and deepen the process of democracy. Later his work expanded into such places as Northern Ireland, El Salvador, Sri Lanka and South Africa. The core of his work in helping leaders confront their past and work towards reconciliation was in shared human experiences. Interestingly this is at the core of a political forgiveness framework.

In his inaugural podcast, Phillips interviews two incredible people: Roelf Meyer, beneficiary and defender of the apartheid system who later experienced a profound change in his thinking, and Mohammed Bhabha a leading ANC activist who suffered under the apartheid systems segregation policies, only to become a key negotiating team member that negotiated the new constitution. Both men were at one time enemies sitting at opposite ends of the political spectrum and who ultimately changed the course of history in their country working together to end apartheid and build a multiracial democracy.

These leaders, who have traversed rough terrain, give us hope that — no matter the results of the election in this country — there is a way we can heal. The first lesson is that it will take courage and coalition building of like-minded people who have similar core values and a common conviction in building a stronger nation. We have already seen this happening with Liz Cheney and Kamala Harris coming together with obviously very different political backgrounds and views, but with the same core values, such as the respect for the rule of law, democratic norms, and for our constitution.

We need to build on this. We need to ask ourselves: Do we all have the same conviction that our democracy is worth fighting for and do we understand what it means if we lose it? As Roelf Meyer shares, it was very important for him, while working with counterpart Cyril Ramaphosa, that they had the same conviction — bringing about a peaceful resolution for their country. In knowing that, they started to believe in each other, which became the key element in their relationship. This belief in one another gave these men the strength to deal with what was in front of them, knowing that all the issues they needed to deal with could be resolved. And this is where we need to do our soul searching. Do we love our country enough to never forsake the core values the United States is built upon and to do what is required of all of us to move forward in peaceful co-existence?

In South Africa, Meyer and Bhabha spoke about the importance of building a center of convergence when the National Party and the ANC decided to work toward building a new multiracial democracy. This center was committed to upholding the constitution, rule of law, and also driven by values that reinforced our humanity. This kind of commitment is currently missing in the United States. The lesson is: If you can find common ground concerning the destiny for the future of our country then you will find what you need to deal with all the challenges that arise.

Another important lesson from these leaders is the importance of getting to know one another, learning how to talk with each other, build trust, and come together in a healing capacity. And that is what the political forgiveness model is about, helping to prepare people to come together and developing skills to help us let go of our grievances and petty anger. We learn to deeply listen to one another in productive dialogues where we begin to understand who we are as human beings. We become aware of obstacles within ourselves that makes it difficult to empathize with the “other.” A political forgiveness program can help leaders move forward with this mindset an associated skills.

We are at a crossroad, and need to understand that, fundamentally, our country is changing; we are at a history-making moment and the choices we make now will have a profound effect on our country which may remain with us for decades. More violence can ensue — or we can come to the realization that we need to deeply listen to and talk with one another and make a commitment to honestly work with one another.

So much more has been said this in this podcast and I hope many of you will take the time to listen to it. It will bring us hope and begin to provide a roadmap of what we can do to face the challenges before us and help build a better country for us all.

Is Political Forgiveness an Antidote to Authoritarianism?

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In his Ted Talk on “How to Spot Authoritarianism,” Ian Bassin shares a story about an urgent message he received which summoned him to pick up a package at a random address late on the evening he was attending the inaugural ball. He was to begin his new job as associate White House counsel with the new administration the following day. So Bassin slipped out of the ball in the rain to retrieve the package. When he arrived at the designated address, the doorman handed him a plastic grocery bag which contained three thick binders. He was to bring them with him to the White House the next day.

For the next three years those binders became Bassin’s bible. These binders were passed down from administration to administration and explained what Bassin could and could not do when performing his duties. It didn’t matter who was the president, the rules — although not legally binding — were consistent. They were traditions, the norms people followed, although people had the choice to follow them or not. After the 2016 election, Bassin and his fellow counsel alumni began to grow concerned wondering what would happen if a president chose not to follow those rules. They watched carefully and began to recognize there was a threat to our democracy. That threat was a possible slide into a form of authoritarianism. They understood that authoritarian movements take hold by the choices we make; we can also make choices that can defeat it.

So what does authoritarianism look like? Authoritarianism takes hold when the executive branch of government politicizes the judiciary, tries to silence the press, and when the leader becomes a cult-like figure in it for personal gain, removing any threats to his power. To achieve this end the propaganda machine is turned on, corruption becomes the fare of the day and intimidation is freely used — often leading to the use of violence. It is a divide-and-conquer strategy.

Most people do not want an authoritarian government nor secretly favor it. Yet because we are living in a turbulent time of immense change and uncertainty, people are feeling anxious about their lives and their future. When we feel that our political lives are in ruin, we may think relief can come from a strong man who can take care of everything. We don’t realize that when this happens our democracy begins to slowly erode. Elected officials begin using legal and institutional means to dismantle the guard rails that have kept democracy intact, which chips away at democracy — something we are seeing in our country today.

But there is hope, and we still have time to stem the tide. As a democracy we have the power to choose — something that autocracies take away. Making choices is not just about going out to vote, although that is important. It is about the countless choices we as Americans make every day, which either support or erode our precious democracy, and which can give us great hope or great concern. The hopefuls are people like Ruby Freeman and her daughter Shaye Moss, Georgia election workers who were falsely accused of tampering with votes and who stood up for what was right in the courts and Congress. Then there are those who make the choice to spread disinformation or undermine government for political gain with the intention of dividing us and creating fear. These feed into the authoritarianism playbook and begin to erode democracy.

Powerful Coalitions in an Age of Rising Authoritarianism

History has been a witness to the rise of authoritarianism. Between World War I and World War II Europe was especially vulnerable. A number of countries in Europe saw the far right as threats to their democracy, and so the mainstream center right decided to unite with their traditionally left opponents to block autocrats from power. Their democracy was saved. Other countries such as Germany made a different choice and we know what happened there.

Authoritarianism thrives on division, fueling an “us versus them” mentality, and creating the toxic polarization the United States is now experiencing. The antidote to this dynamic is for all of us to listen more deeply to each other and to respect one another so people can feel valued and heard, no matter where they stand on political issues. Political forgiveness, a process which can teach us how to let go of grievances and petty anger, can also help us to listen more deeply to one another, learn how to respect one another and unite with one another. This is what can give us hope: In coming together to form powerful coalitions we can turn the tide of authoritarianism. A political forgiveness process can give us the skills and help bridge the divide. In a sense, it is a peacebuilding approach to combatting authoritarianism, bringing down the empathy walls within us to reach out and support one another in meaningful ways. It is in joining with one another that breaks down the wall of authoritarianism and builds a united country. If we choose to meet our neighbors with curiosity and a willingness to connect, our elected officials will eventually do the same.

Those binders that Bassin retrieved that night during the inaugural ball never made it to the next administration: When the new administration came into office there was no one Bassin could give them to who would take them and honor them in the way they were honored in the past. But Bassin is giving them to all of us, reminding us of the norms and traditions that were followed and the importance of the choices we make if we want to preserve and protect our democracy. In a democracy we have choice. In an autocracy there is no choice. Making the right choices strengthens us, making wrong choices can cost us our freedom. Ultimately the choice is ours.