Forgiveness and Social Change

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Humanity finds itself at a crossroads. Will we let our anger and fear guide us, or will we take a breath and recognize there’s a better way to handle the emotional turmoil so many of us are experiencing. We do have the tools within ourselves to see a larger picture of what’s really happening within our world and make changes to have a healing effect, not a divisive one.

All of us have flaws. All of us are afraid and feel that we have been treated unfairly. That is part of the human condition—but acting out anger to hurt others doesn’t have to be our default. Anger does serve a purpose. Either something within ourselves or outside ourselves needs to change and therefore we need to take responsibility for our lives and our world. But responsibility doesn’t imply being hateful and uncaring. It doesn’t mean denying the pain and suffering people are feeling and unwillingness to understand the experiences of others for fear that something is being taken away from us. We’re all in this world together, and the choices we make bring either comfort to one another or pain and suffering. This is why building skills of forgiveness in our personal lives becomes critical.

Political philosopher Hannah Arendt in her book The Human Condition writes, “Without being forgiven, released from the consequences of what we have done, our capacity to act would be confined to a single deed.” The beauty of forgiveness, as noted by Arendt, is that forgiveness interrupts otherwise automatic processes. Forgiveness allows people to break away from violence and helps to create new relationships. The willingness for us to forgive is what holds us together—not only in our private lives but also in the public sphere—for forgiveness is as vital in our deepest personal bonds as in our collective experience in the public realm. Poet and philosopher David Whyte speaks of forgiveness as assuming a larger identity than the person who was first hurt.

What does forgiveness do as a political tool? It becomes the healing mechanism for actions we cannot reverse. Although forgiveness is seen by many as an act of compassion in response to something done to us, Arendt believes that forgiveness is an activity of politics. Understanding that certain actions cannot be undone, forgiveness is the only mechanism which can release us from the past.

“The power to forgive, like the power to enter into new social covenants, is an essential power for social change,” says Arendt. Holding on to the overpowering undertow of revenge, hostility, and resentment can tie up a society its own past. We can condemn the actions while continuing to talk to those who perpetrated the actions. This kind of power is what builds and maintains societies. It is liken to the power attributed to God in which he/she must reconcile the ‘conflicting truths’ of hatred for the sin and love for the sinner. Any power that affects reconciliation is a very significant power. What political task is more difficult than to build social relationships between humans who have a history of offenses against each other?

In The Politics of Peace, Brian Frost speaks of forgiveness in the following terms:

The power to combine justice and love in an act of forgiveness is an awesome power, supremely in the God of Abraham and the God of Jesus. But, as we have seen, if for Jesus, too, the divine power to forgive was unique, it was not exclusive. Humans now must share that power towards each other. To refuse to forgive is to refuse to repair a broken relationship. To forgive is to save that relationship. In the “divine comedy” that plays out its course down to the end of the historical tragedies of humanity, forgiveness is the way of divine victory (my italics).

Frost continues to say that in terms of the Hebrew-Christian view of the world, “broken human beings are more valuable than the laws that they break or that break them. Most valuable of all is an act which restores law’s authority while also healing the human brokenness. Forgiveness is that act.”

Sacred traditions have a deep understanding of human psychology and tell us that the development of the ego is not the final state of human evolution. Sacred traditions originate with people revered as highly developed, whose wisdom and insight far surpass that of ordinary mortals. Thus, the idea that humans can grow beyond ego to divine self-transcendence is crucial to our understanding of forgiveness. If ego is that state of consciousness which seeks to dominate, conquer, and control, then the cure for violence and hatred is expanding consciousness beyond ego. True happiness can only be found through a sense of wholeness and harmony with others and the environment. Our thought system, because of the psychological dynamics it sets up, creates feelings and illusions of separation. The consequence is that we cannot experience our wholeness. This thought system is transformed not through repression or regression, but through transcendence of the illusion of separate selfhood. The process which makes transcendence possible is one which helps us grow in our wholeness, owning our disowned selves, and healing our guilt and fear. It is the process of forgiveness.

The ageless wisdom gives us insight into the evolution of consciousness. This evolution is based on the recognition of the divine nature of humanity. It is also closely tied in with the recognition of our natural goodness and our ability to know unconditional love. Humanity is at a turning point and to face the present challenges we need to grow psychologically and spiritually. Perhaps in humanity’s struggle and the realization that violence and condemnation are creating more pain and suffering we will learn to make different choices. Sometimes our greatest advances may come from our seemingly greatest mistakes. With free will, we will realize that it is not out of coercion or fixed determination but of the power of love that our best choices will be made.

Special Podcast Preview! Season 1

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Inspiring Forgiveness Stories and Expert Guests

I’m so excited about the interviews I’ve been doing for Season 1 of my new podcast, Political Forgiveness: Voices of Peace, that I can’t wait to share them with you. So here’s an exclusive preview of some of my upcoming guests — experts in the field, sharing their knowledge and insight, speaking to the power of forgiveness in the healing of individuals, our communities, and our nation. Humanity is at a turning point, and to face the present challenges requires psychological and spiritual growth through forgiveness.

“A lot of people talk about forgiveness theory, and I’m turning theory into practice.” — Dr. Eileen Borris

 

Meet Your Host

Dr. Eileen Borris is a clinical and political psychologist who’s worked in war-torn nations like Rwanda, South Africa, Liberia, Nigeria, the Middle East, Afghanistan and Ethiopia to build forgiveness and reconciliation. She’s also the author of Finding Forgiveness: A 7 Step Program for Letting Go of Anger and Bitterness. Eileen has spoken to members of the UN and develops pioneering programs around political forgiveness.

Listen to Episode One Now! Dr. Fred Luskin

Director of the Stanford University Forgiveness Projects, Dr. Luskin is the author of several best-selling books on forgiveness. He teaches mindfulness and happiness to business executives from around the world and has been interviewed hundreds of times in worldwide media.

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LISTEN NOW!

Coming Soon!

New episodes drop on the second Wednesday of every month.

Dr. Loren Toussaint

A professor of psychology at Luther College in Decorah, Iowa, Dr. Toussaint is a researcher examining virtues, especially forgiveness, and how they are related to health and well-being. He directs the Laboratory for the Investigation of Mind, Body, and Spirit at Luther College.

Father Leonel Narváez

Father Narváez is a priest and sociologist with the Consolata Missionaries and has participated in peace negotiations in East Africa and the Amazon. He founded the Foundation for Reconciliation based in Bogota, Colombia, where he developed the ESPERE methodology based in forgiveness and reconciliation.

Mary Noble

Mary Noble is the co-founder and CEO of Feminenza, a nonprofit organization, which had its beginnings in 2000 with a gathering of some 400 women from all corners of the world. Feminenza works towards a greater mutuality between genders to establish a more humane and peaceful world. Mary gives training programs in forgiveness. And her work in teaching about forgiveness is extraordinary.

Libby Hoffman

Libby Hoffman is the founder and president of Catalyst for Peace and co-founder of Fambul Tok in Sierra Leone. Her award-winning book The Answers Are There: Building Peace from the Inside Out chronicles the journey of Fambul Tok in Sierra Leone from post-war community reconciliation to national policy framework. She also produced the award-winning documentary, Fambul Tok.

Ambassador Anwarul K. Chowdhury

Amb. Chowdhury has been a career diplomat and Permanent Representative of Bangladesh to the United Nations. He held many positions of leadership within the UN and UNICEF. As president of the Security Council he was instrumental in many groundbreaking resolutions on women, peace and security, including the adoption of the landmark program on the Culture of Peace by the UN General Assembly.

Julia Roig

An organizer at heart, Julia Roig is the founder and Chief Network Weaver of the Horizons Project. She focuses on building broader alliances for pro-democracy movements and weaves narrative engagement across differences. She is a renowned public speaker, facilitator, trainer, and author, able to connect deeply with different constituencies within civil society, social movements, governments, and corporations.

Book Time With Eileen Now

Personal Forgiveness Coaching

Want to go deeper with a personal forgiveness issue? Eileen is available for remote, one-on-one personal consulting, and to help you let go of your emotional pain. LEARN MORE

Forgiveness Consulting

The process of forgiving creates openness, authenticity and teamwork. Contact Eileen today to work with your organization to manage a transition, encourage a culture of forgiveness or more. LEARN MORE

Inspirational Speaker

Your civic group or conference audience can enjoy an informative and engaging conversation with Eileen as they ask questions during her keynote in the style of a “living room conversation” format. LEARN MORE

Jimmy Carter: A Man Who Knew Forgiveness

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Jimmy Carter was a complicated man, a humble peacemaker, and he could also be fiercely competitive. He held on to grievances and yet he was also a Baptist Sunday school teacher who believed in forgiveness and recognized the good in people. This added to the complexity of who Jimmy Carter was.

Carter had many political rivals who he held strong emotions towards. Gerald Ford, Edward Kennedy, and the Clintons were just a few of the difficult relationships. During his 1976 presidential run, Carter spoke of Ford as being “incompetent, and his policies morally and politically and intellectually bankrupt,” as reported by The Washington Post. Over time Carter had a change of heart, which can only come about through a practice of forgiveness. He came to praise Ford as reflected in his inaugural address: “For myself and for our nation, I want to thank my predecessor for all he has done to heal our land.” Carter received a standing ovation for his kind words. Later these men began working closely together as well as becoming very intimate friends.

Carter described his relationship with Ford “as the closest bond between any two former presidents,” both of whom made a pact that the one who lived longer would speak at the other’s funeral. In 2006 it was Carter who spoke at Ford’s funeral. The men and both their wives had become exceptionally close. Carter’s words at the funeral reflected his feelings in saying, “The four of us learned to love each other,” as Betty Ford nodded and Rosalynn Carter dabbed tears from her eyes. In January of 2025, during Carter’s funeral, Steven Ford read the eulogy his father wrote, which spoke of his love and appreciation for Carter.

The same two men once traded insults and accusations as they competed for the presidency. But The Washington Post reported that, at the funeral for the 39th president, the 38th president eulogized: “Now is a time to say goodbye, our grief comforted with the joy and the thanksgiving of knowing this man, this beloved man, this very special man. He has given the gift of years, and the American people and the people of the world will be forever blessed by his decades of good works. Jimmy Carter’s legacy of peace and compassion will remain unique as it is timeless.” This relationship speaks to the power of forgiveness, which Jimmy Carter embraced.

Although Carter did not make peace with all his political opponents, he was determined to reconcile with as many as he could. With Ford, fences mended quickly. With Edward Kennedy reconciliation came more slowly. Perhaps it was Carter’s recognition of how politics was dividing the nation that made him realize the importance of “cleaning up his own house,” his own personal fractures, one at a time. The consciousness of forgiveness is who he was, and he understood the importance of building relationships, especially in the political world.

The Camp David Peace Accords

The Camp David peace accords was Carters most lasting achievement. It was Ford who helped Carter build a relationship with Egyptian president Anwar Sadat, which began to pave the way for the Camp David peace accords. Between January 1977 and September 1978 President Carter worked closely with Sadat and Israeli Prime Minister Menachem Begin to find a way to bring these men to the negotiating table. Carter realized just as the relationship between Egypt and Israel was laden with distrust and doubt, so too was the relationship between Sadat and Begin.

Throughout 1977 there were separate conversations and visits between Carter, Sadat and Begin, without either side budging from their entrenched positions. Finally Carter invited both men to come to Camp David for a series of private talks scheduled in September 1978. There were many heated arguments and a great deal of frustration and disappointment. Toward the end of the talks, Begin’s foreign minister told Sadat that Israel would never compromise on certain major issues. Sadat and his staff began packing their bags and asked for a helicopter to take them back to Washington so they could return home. Carter spoke to Sadat, reminding him of his promises to Carter and the global importance of his role as peacemaker, and convinced the Egyptian president to stay.

By the 13th day the men had reached an impasse. It was now Begin who decided to call it quits. Carter was asked to call for a car so Begin could leave behind Camp David and all possibilities for a real chance at an Israeli-Egyptian peace.

As Begin and his team were packing their bags Carter, knowing the prime minister’s love for his eight grandchildren, personally inscribed each of their names on photographs of the three men taken a week earlier during a visit to Gettysburg, along with messages expressing his hope that one day there would be peace. Carter then walked over to Begin’s cabin and hand delivered the photos. As Begin read the handwritten notes on the photos, his lips began to quiver and his eyes filled with tears. He realized his responsibility to his people, and especially what happens to children in war. According to carterschool.gmu.edu, Begin “put his bags down and said, ‘Mr. President, I’ll make one last try.’ Six months later, in March of 1979, Egypt and Israel signed a peace treaty that would end three decades of violent conflict between both countries.”

The success of the Camp David accords was possible, in part, because all three men were able to talk to each other directly and deeply and got to know each other as fellow human beings. There was a fraught personal relationship between Begin and Sadat that nearly derailed the entire peace process. It was President Carter’s personal touch and understanding of the importance of relationships in a political peace process that changed the tide of events. He learned the importance of letting go of grievances and the necessity of reconciling with people, which can only happen through the practice of forgiveness. He used this knowledge in developing relationships with others, leading to decades of peace between Israel and Egypt for which Carter was awarded a Nobel Peace Prize in 2002.

Using Power for the Good of Others

Protestant theologian Reinhold Niebuhr once said; “The sad duty of politics is to establish justice in a sinful world.” Carter understood this and recognized that we have a duty to make this world better, but our capacities are limited. He also knew that this country has a soul, that there is good and bad — but what is most important is having the commitment to establishing justice in an unjust world.

We admire Carter, not just for particular policies but for having the ability to amass power and use it for the good of others, leaving the world in a little better place. Yes, there was the Camp David accords and other achievements that happened during Carter’s life, but his greatest gift was showing us how to express our better angels. He rose from a very poor beginning to the pinnacle of power and never strayed from being in touch with himself. He held firmly to his beliefs and what he valued with the recognition that our worth does not come from outside of ourselves, but what is within us. He wanted to make a gentler world and he did. It is now up to us to carry that torch to make this a better country and a more compassionate world.

 

SOURCES

Mary Jordan and Kevin Sullivan, The Washington Post, “Jimmy Carter Made Enemies, then Peace,” December 31, 2024

Toluse Olorunnipa, The Washington Post, “Gerald Ford, in eulogy read by son, calls Carter his ‘old friend,’ ” January 9, 2025

carterschool.gmu.edu, Audrey Williams, “Camp David, Hal Saunders, and Responsibility in Peacemaking,” Accessed January 14, 2025

Reinhold Niebuhr, Love and Justice: Selections from the Shorter Writings of Reinhold Niebuhr, Westminster John Knox Press, 1992

Opponents Sitting Down Together Build Coalitions and Trust

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I was listening to a wonderful podcast How Do We Get Through This hosted by Tim Phillips, founder of Beyond Conflict, which spoke of how we can navigate through our fears and uncertainty surrounding the upcoming elections and what this means for our future.

Phillips founded Beyond Conflict with the focus of helping emerging democracies in Central and Eastern Europe come to terms with their past and deepen the process of democracy. Later his work expanded into such places as Northern Ireland, El Salvador, Sri Lanka and South Africa. The core of his work in helping leaders confront their past and work towards reconciliation was in shared human experiences. Interestingly this is at the core of a political forgiveness framework.

In his inaugural podcast, Phillips interviews two incredible people: Roelf Meyer, beneficiary and defender of the apartheid system who later experienced a profound change in his thinking, and Mohammed Bhabha a leading ANC activist who suffered under the apartheid systems segregation policies, only to become a key negotiating team member that negotiated the new constitution. Both men were at one time enemies sitting at opposite ends of the political spectrum and who ultimately changed the course of history in their country working together to end apartheid and build a multiracial democracy.

These leaders, who have traversed rough terrain, give us hope that — no matter the results of the election in this country — there is a way we can heal. The first lesson is that it will take courage and coalition building of like-minded people who have similar core values and a common conviction in building a stronger nation. We have already seen this happening with Liz Cheney and Kamala Harris coming together with obviously very different political backgrounds and views, but with the same core values, such as the respect for the rule of law, democratic norms, and for our constitution.

We need to build on this. We need to ask ourselves: Do we all have the same conviction that our democracy is worth fighting for and do we understand what it means if we lose it? As Roelf Meyer shares, it was very important for him, while working with counterpart Cyril Ramaphosa, that they had the same conviction — bringing about a peaceful resolution for their country. In knowing that, they started to believe in each other, which became the key element in their relationship. This belief in one another gave these men the strength to deal with what was in front of them, knowing that all the issues they needed to deal with could be resolved. And this is where we need to do our soul searching. Do we love our country enough to never forsake the core values the United States is built upon and to do what is required of all of us to move forward in peaceful co-existence?

In South Africa, Meyer and Bhabha spoke about the importance of building a center of convergence when the National Party and the ANC decided to work toward building a new multiracial democracy. This center was committed to upholding the constitution, rule of law, and also driven by values that reinforced our humanity. This kind of commitment is currently missing in the United States. The lesson is: If you can find common ground concerning the destiny for the future of our country then you will find what you need to deal with all the challenges that arise.

Another important lesson from these leaders is the importance of getting to know one another, learning how to talk with each other, build trust, and come together in a healing capacity. And that is what the political forgiveness model is about, helping to prepare people to come together and developing skills to help us let go of our grievances and petty anger. We learn to deeply listen to one another in productive dialogues where we begin to understand who we are as human beings. We become aware of obstacles within ourselves that makes it difficult to empathize with the “other.” A political forgiveness program can help leaders move forward with this mindset an associated skills.

We are at a crossroad, and need to understand that, fundamentally, our country is changing; we are at a history-making moment and the choices we make now will have a profound effect on our country which may remain with us for decades. More violence can ensue — or we can come to the realization that we need to deeply listen to and talk with one another and make a commitment to honestly work with one another.

So much more has been said this in this podcast and I hope many of you will take the time to listen to it. It will bring us hope and begin to provide a roadmap of what we can do to face the challenges before us and help build a better country for us all.

Is Political Forgiveness an Antidote to Authoritarianism?

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In his Ted Talk on “How to Spot Authoritarianism,” Ian Bassin shares a story about an urgent message he received which summoned him to pick up a package at a random address late on the evening he was attending the inaugural ball. He was to begin his new job as associate White House counsel with the new administration the following day. So Bassin slipped out of the ball in the rain to retrieve the package. When he arrived at the designated address, the doorman handed him a plastic grocery bag which contained three thick binders. He was to bring them with him to the White House the next day.

For the next three years those binders became Bassin’s bible. These binders were passed down from administration to administration and explained what Bassin could and could not do when performing his duties. It didn’t matter who was the president, the rules — although not legally binding — were consistent. They were traditions, the norms people followed, although people had the choice to follow them or not. After the 2016 election, Bassin and his fellow counsel alumni began to grow concerned wondering what would happen if a president chose not to follow those rules. They watched carefully and began to recognize there was a threat to our democracy. That threat was a possible slide into a form of authoritarianism. They understood that authoritarian movements take hold by the choices we make; we can also make choices that can defeat it.

So what does authoritarianism look like? Authoritarianism takes hold when the executive branch of government politicizes the judiciary, tries to silence the press, and when the leader becomes a cult-like figure in it for personal gain, removing any threats to his power. To achieve this end the propaganda machine is turned on, corruption becomes the fare of the day and intimidation is freely used — often leading to the use of violence. It is a divide-and-conquer strategy.

Most people do not want an authoritarian government nor secretly favor it. Yet because we are living in a turbulent time of immense change and uncertainty, people are feeling anxious about their lives and their future. When we feel that our political lives are in ruin, we may think relief can come from a strong man who can take care of everything. We don’t realize that when this happens our democracy begins to slowly erode. Elected officials begin using legal and institutional means to dismantle the guard rails that have kept democracy intact, which chips away at democracy — something we are seeing in our country today.

But there is hope, and we still have time to stem the tide. As a democracy we have the power to choose — something that autocracies take away. Making choices is not just about going out to vote, although that is important. It is about the countless choices we as Americans make every day, which either support or erode our precious democracy, and which can give us great hope or great concern. The hopefuls are people like Ruby Freeman and her daughter Shaye Moss, Georgia election workers who were falsely accused of tampering with votes and who stood up for what was right in the courts and Congress. Then there are those who make the choice to spread disinformation or undermine government for political gain with the intention of dividing us and creating fear. These feed into the authoritarianism playbook and begin to erode democracy.

Powerful Coalitions in an Age of Rising Authoritarianism

History has been a witness to the rise of authoritarianism. Between World War I and World War II Europe was especially vulnerable. A number of countries in Europe saw the far right as threats to their democracy, and so the mainstream center right decided to unite with their traditionally left opponents to block autocrats from power. Their democracy was saved. Other countries such as Germany made a different choice and we know what happened there.

Authoritarianism thrives on division, fueling an “us versus them” mentality, and creating the toxic polarization the United States is now experiencing. The antidote to this dynamic is for all of us to listen more deeply to each other and to respect one another so people can feel valued and heard, no matter where they stand on political issues. Political forgiveness, a process which can teach us how to let go of grievances and petty anger, can also help us to listen more deeply to one another, learn how to respect one another and unite with one another. This is what can give us hope: In coming together to form powerful coalitions we can turn the tide of authoritarianism. A political forgiveness process can give us the skills and help bridge the divide. In a sense, it is a peacebuilding approach to combatting authoritarianism, bringing down the empathy walls within us to reach out and support one another in meaningful ways. It is in joining with one another that breaks down the wall of authoritarianism and builds a united country. If we choose to meet our neighbors with curiosity and a willingness to connect, our elected officials will eventually do the same.

Those binders that Bassin retrieved that night during the inaugural ball never made it to the next administration: When the new administration came into office there was no one Bassin could give them to who would take them and honor them in the way they were honored in the past. But Bassin is giving them to all of us, reminding us of the norms and traditions that were followed and the importance of the choices we make if we want to preserve and protect our democracy. In a democracy we have choice. In an autocracy there is no choice. Making the right choices strengthens us, making wrong choices can cost us our freedom. Ultimately the choice is ours.

Stemming the Tide of Political Violence

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On Saturday, July 13, 2024, there was an attempted assassination on former president Donald Trump while he was speaking at a campaign rally just a few days before the Republican National Convention. Fortunately, the former president’s face, bloodied from a bullet grazing his ear, was not seriously injured as he was rushed off the stage. A few hours later President Joe Biden forcefully condemned political violence and appealed to a nation reeling from the assassination attempt. In a primetime address Biden said, “Americans must strive for national unity,” warning that the political rhetoric has become “too heated.”

“There is no place in America for this kind of violence—for any violence. Ever. Period. No exception. We can’t allow this violence to be normalized.” Biden spoke of the rising tide of political violence, saying “We cannot, we must not go down this road in America.” Even blusterous Trump said that he is re-writing his nomination speech to bring “the whole country, even the whole world, together, adding that the reality of what had happened was “just setting in.”

In these times where many people feel so hopeless that it feels like we are falling into an abyss, that nothing can be done to stop this downward spiral of discontent, the work of political forgiveness can bring us hope. It is not always easy to go beyond our anxieties, our fears and our feelings of outrage at what is taking place in our country. The question is, have we lost sight of who we are as Americans?

We do not realize that as citizens we have the power and the ability to repair our nation, that we cannot give up on our democracy, despite our frustration. We have entered a time in our country where it seems OK to dehumanize each other, where challenges create more polarization and leadership of both parties has so much contempt for one another they can’t come together to work out common problems.

Yet, this doesn’t have to be the whole story — but it does requires all of us to participate, and it requires all of us to sit down with one another, have a willingness to be civil with one another and to do the necessary healing within oneself so we can be present with one another. If we are willing to come together in a healing capacity, which is what a political forgiveness framework can provide, we can become part of the solution to turn this country around. And we must become part of the solution if we want to stop this political violence.

If we allow ourselves to become more vulnerable with each other and learn how to be safe with one another through a political forgiveness process we can gain a better understanding of what went wrong and begin to think in a clearer way how we can come together as a community, as a nation. We simply cannot afford to blame one another, to believe that our country is beyond repair and that our corrupt leaders and institutions can take away our power. Together we can heal this fractured county.

It doesn’t matter what side of the aisle you are on because, like it or not, we are all in a search for a more perfect union which can only be done together. Political forgiveness can elevate rather than harden our politics—politics which should be a means for solving problems and finding justice. We are living through critical times, and if we want to stop this downward spiral it will require all of us to participate in a way where we abandon our contempt for politics and for each other. Political forgiveness allows for a more civil and productive way of interacting with one another and a political forgiveness process can serve as an inspiration to become more involved in this American experiment we call democracy.

How Can Israelis and Palestinians Achieve Peace?

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During the early morning hours of October 7, 2023, a horrifying massacre took place where the Palestinian Sunni Islamist group Hamas led a surprise attack against Israel from the Gaza Strip by land, sea, and air, firing barrages of rockets towards the southern and central parts of the country. The fighting continues and countless people are dying on both sides. One of the largest targets were the children in Gaza. Debates continued concerning whether there should there be a ceasefire and the issue of humanitarian aid. Was this genocide of the Palestinian people? Many voices expressed the horror of the brutality that was taking place on both the Israeli and Palestinian people.

One such person, Rula Daood, the Palestinian Israeli co-director of Standing Together, a progressive grassroots movement that mobilizes people around issues of peace, equity, and social justice, passionately said, “There is no other way but forward.” They told us that this war would crush Hamas. They told us that it would bring the hostages home. But none of this has happened. The hostages continue to die. Those that came back, came back as part of a deal. Hamas is only growing stronger. It’s Gazan lives being crushed: children, women, men, innocent people whose homes were destroyed and who have nothing to eat.

Tens of thousands of people living near the border lived through a horrifying massacre on October 7, lost family and friends, and now they don’t know when they will be able to return home. How is any of this good for any of us? For the good of those who live here? How much more blood will be spilled before we understand that this war is crushing all of us? How many people will die before we understand that this is not the way to get security? How many homes will be destroyed? How many dreams abandoned before we understand that there will be no hope on one side of the border if there is no hope on the other? That the fate of Israelis and Palestinians is intertwined. That we will all live in peace and freedom — or that none of us will.

How can Israelis and Palestinians achieve peace? Aziz Abu Sarah, a Palestinian peacemaker and Maoz Inon, an Israeli peacemaker share a touching story of friendship and how they choose reconciliation over revenge. What brought them together was a belief in a better future and, through finding shared values, they built a coalition of Israeli and Palestinian citizens whose intention is creating a path of hope and peace.

On October 7 Inon lost his parents during the massacre, along with many of his childhood friends, their parents, and their children. Inon was drowning in an ocean of grief and pain. At night he visited this horror in his dream state. In one particular dream he saw humanity crying with him. Tears were streaming down faces washing over wounded bodies until the tears healed the bodies and washed the blood from the ground purifying the land. What emerged from the ground was a path, a path to peace. When Inon woke up he immediately knew that this was the path he needed to take, a path of reconciliation and not revenge.

Maoz Inon and Aziz Abu Sarah met only once before October 7, yet Abu Sarah sent a message offering condolences when hearing that Inon’s parents were killed. In a response that surprised Abu Sarah, Inon said he was mourning not only the death of his parents — he was crying for the people of Gaza who were also losing lives. Inon didn’t want what happened to be justification for anyone to take revenge, understanding that it was easier to be angry than to not want to justify war.

Abu Sarah had a different story of pain and sorrow. His brother Tayseer was killed by an Israeli soldier when he was only nineteen years old. Abu Sarah, ten at the time, was angry and bitter, only wanting revenge. It was eight years later when Abu Aziz went to study Hebrew with Jewish immigrants to Israel that he realized that he could make choices regardless of what other people do, and, through being angry and hateful, Abu Aziz would only become a slave to the person who killed his brother.

Abu Sarah has worked in 70 countries, and he’s discovered that the causes of conflict are the same. It’s the lack of recognition, a lack of willingness to understand each other’s historical narrative or listen to one another deeply with respect, and not having a shared vision for the future. The other issue is that people are divided because they cannot talk and have conversations with one another.

All of us need to learn from each other, to not be afraid to ask the hard questions, and to be honest and willing to listen. What Inon learned from speaking with Palestinians is that we must forgive for the past, forgive the present, but we cannot and should not forgive for the future. We need to work to make the future a better future. Inon speaks of the gap, since the beginning of the Zionist movement and the Palestinian national movement, with the war they have been waging on each other becoming wider and wider, with their stories so very far apart. And according to Inon, a miracle can happen where the stories meet in the future; they will be based on reconciliation and recognition, where all will feel safe, secure, and equal.

People may hear the word “forgiveness” yet think: How can you lose people you love and not be angry? No one is saying to abandon your anger. Anger can be a teacher, telling us that something must change, either within ourselves or outside of ourselves. Anger is real — yet we must be very careful not to let our anger turn into hate, blinded by the need for revenge.

What is being asked of us is to have moral courage, hope, and the ability to envision a better future. If we come with the mindset of seeing the world not through the eyes of anger or fear but with willingness to see things differently, a new story can be written. If we recognize there are people on all sides of the divide who want to live normal lives in harmony, together we can build a narrative that includes reconciling with one another so that all people can live in peace.

Being Valued, Seen, and Heard in a Polarized Society

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Roelf Meyer, a prominent South African politician and privileged member of Afrikaner society, may have become President of South Africa had the system of apartheid not come to an end. Yet Meyer became one of the key people who convinced President F.W. de Klerk to release Nelson Mandela from prison, and then subsequently led the negotiating team of the white-minority government in the talks to end apartheid, according to the book Beyond Conflict. How was Meyer able to make a shift in his thinking, moving away from his initial beliefs of racial superiority and developing a greater awareness of the importance of equality for all?

During the time when Meyer started practicing law, he was confronted with the reality that Blacks and other non-white South Africans had no constitutional rights, and as such began to grapple with his personal sense of fairness and justice. In a story recounted in Beyond Conflict, Meyer described a young Black boy sitting in the back of a white farmer’s pick-up truck, along with the farmer’s dog. It began to rain, and the farmer stopped the truck to get his dog and put him in the cab, leaving the boy in the back of the truck to be drenched in the rain. Struck by the profound act of humiliation and insensitivity to the young boy, Meyer began to think more and more about the blatant racism found in his country.

At one point during his political life, Meyer was given an assignment by President P.W. Botha to learn why Black people were rioting. While spending eighteen months visiting Black townships to gain an understanding of the unrest, he started to recognize that, although he was an elected representative to Parliament, he in no way represented the people of South Africa. Rather, he only represented a tiny white minority whose advantages and privileges he could no longer morally support. It became clear to Meyer, at least on an intellectual level, that there was a critical need for social and political change to take place. On an emotional level, Meyer wasn’t there yet. It wasn’t until years later, that he completed his personal journey, making a paradigm shift and leaving the thoughts of Black inferiority behind, realizing that South Africa’s future could only be based on equality for all. It is this type of thinking and changing of mindsets that opens one up to be willing to work with others—not only as a leader but in a healing capacity.

The course of Meyer’s personal transformation, from a pragmatic shift in his thinking to a much deeper, more personal paradigm shift, did not happen overnight, and fundamentally involved more of an emotional understanding rather than an intellectual one. As Meyer would say “It involves deeply personal values and passions and has to come from the soul.”

Unity Takes Center Stage

What can we learn from this story, especially within the context of what is currently taking place in the United States? Changing mindsets begins when we are willing to get to know the “other,” to listen to their stories and understand their realities. We cannot understand the other side without knowing the other side. Change is something we all must be challenged with at some point, whether in the political arena or in our social lives. Our democracy depends on it.

Meyer’s story also shows that instead of hating one another, we could focus on working with each other. This unity needs to take center stage if we want to combat all that divides us. More importantly, our focus needs to be on making systemic changes and connecting with each other to make that happen. We need to develop courage within ourselves to face what is going on and to stand up to what is wrong. And we need to ask ourselves, “What does it mean to be an American?” Just as Meyer went to the Black townships to gain an understanding of the different realities, we need to become aware of what the different groups of Americans’ lived realities are, and to experience these realities of who we think of as the “other.” In this spirit of inclusivity, we are saying to one another “I see you.”

All the elements we have just talked about are important steps in a political forgiveness intervention. Taking responsibility for one’s thinking is critical to creating a paradigm shift. It is the transformation of mindsets and the building of trust that creates this lasting change. One needs to understand that, by engaging in a collective form of forgiveness on a political level, it is possible to bring antagonistic groups together in a healing capacity, to prevent senseless bickering, grievances, and polarization and to ensure instances such as this will not happen again.

A Political Forgiveness Research Project

Currently I’m developing a political forgiveness research project in the U.S. to reduce polarization by quieting anger and intolerance, as well as enabling participants to tolerate diverse views, better articulate one’s own point of view, increase self-awareness of bias, and to link a political forgiveness intervention to societal change. The purpose of the project is to bring people together who hold different political views and train them to engage with one another in a constructive way.

This is designed as a four-session training program. The first session focuses on defining forgiveness and political forgiveness, the differences and overlap between interpersonal forgiveness and political forgiveness, and why political forgiveness is necessary. The second and third sessions focus on building the basic skills of forgiveness, including letting go of grievances and petty anger, learning how to change mindsets and how to be more understanding and tolerant of one another. Session four takes a deeper dive, teaching deep listening skills that enable us to feel valued, heard, and seen. Participants will have the opportunity to take part in a dialogue process, the “logics of truth” where they can share their own truths, their hopes and fears, and discuss what a societal healing process might look like, linking political forgiveness to social change.

Political Forgiveness Training for Members of Congress

It is anticipated that one of the ways this program can have great impact is by offering it to incoming freshmen entering Congress in Arizona, my home state, or in any other state. Teaching freshmen these skills before they start working in Congress will enable them to have better working relationships and be more effective in the work they will be doing. And if we can all learn these skills, our personal and social lives would be more rewarding.

Why is this political forgiveness training so important?  Sacred traditions have a deep understanding of human psychology and tell us that the development of the ego is not the final state of human evolution. The idea that humans can grow beyond ego to divine self-transcendence is crucial to our understanding of forgiveness. Forgiveness on an individual level, which lays the foundation of a political forgiveness process, can be very powerful, even transformative. Forgiveness helps us tap into the deeper meaning of what it is to be human and helps us develop those transcendental values that are not about self-interest but about become more caring human beings.

Transcendence is considered one of the highest states of consciousness where we are focused on things beyond the self, such as a spiritual awakening or service to others. It informs the way we think, so instead of seeing the world through the lens of our fears, insecurities, and need for power, we see the world through the understanding of our interconnectedness. We are not reacting out of our ego’s self-interest, but coming from a more spiritual place within ourselves and are more concerned about the highest good for all. These are the values that are missing in our discourse. Until we begin to develop those values, such as wisdom, generosity, fairness, truth, forgiveness and human dignity, we will stay stuck in our fear-based thinking—an “us vs. them”—thinking which feeds into the chaos and polarization we are experiencing today.

Be Part of the Research Project

For those of you who would like to participate in the political forgiveness research project, you will be at the forefront of creating a positive change. Not only will you experience feeling more peaceful within yourself by learning how to let go of grievances and petty anger, but you will also learn how to build a community by building trust and developing healthier relationships with one another. You will learn how to change mindsets where people can accept one another as legitimate partners and engage in a process linking forgiveness to societal change, building a culture of political forgiveness in our country instead of fostering more anger and bitterness. This is an exciting research project opened to anyone interested in bringing people together, bridging the political divide and reducing polarization in the United States. It will be a virtual program, offered nationwide. If interested please email me at erborris@gmail.com.

Source for Roelf Meyer story: Beyond Conflict: 20 years of Putting Experience To Work For Peace by Timothy Phillips, Brideswell Books, 2013

Powerful Women Changing Mindsets and Forging Political Forgiveness

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Commemorating International Women’s Day

Gloria Steinem, a world-renowned feminist once explained: “The story of women’s struggle for equality belongs to no single feminist nor to any one organization but to the collective efforts of all who care about human rights.” This is what International Women’s Day (IWD) commemorates. March 1911 was the birth of IWD, which was to be a day of collective global activism and celebration belonging to all those committed to forging women’s equality. It calls for breaking down barriers, challenging stereotypes and creating environments where all women are valued and respected. It encourages everyone to recognize the unique perspectives and contributions of women from all walks of life, including those from marginalized communities. And it celebrates women from around the world who are powerful change agents making this world a much better place for all of us.

Marina Cantacuzino and The Forgiveness Project

To celebrate IWD, I’ve written about some extraordinary women who not only understand what inclusion means but who work toward countering divisive attitudes — an important factor in a political forgiveness process. One only needs to think about what took place on October 7, 2023, when the world woke up to the horrors of Hamas’ brutal attack on Israel to witness “us and them” rhetoric. Marina Cantacuzino is founder of The Forgiveness Project. She has interviewed the families of terrorist victims and survivors of domestic violence, and through the project provides resources and experiences to overcome their unresolved grievances, helps people bear witness to the resilience of the human spirit, which acts as a powerful antidote to narratives of hate and dehumanization. 

Aware of the pain people were feeling, Marina reached out to a friend, Israeli filmmaker Yulie Cohen to make sure she was OK. As recounted in the Forgiveness Project article, Clinging Onto Hope, Yulie replied, “Your  email is very meaningful for me; many people whom I know and know me well through the years and my films didn’t write a word and it says it all.”  Marina understood the importance of reaching out and she understood through her own work how important it is to know others and change mindsets towards those we once considered “an enemy.”

Yulie Cohen Meets Her Attacker Years Later

Yulie Cohen has her own remarkable story about changing mindset as she was able to forgive a Palestinian who tried to kill her. In 1978 Cohen, while a student at Tel Aviv University, worked that summer as a flight attendant. In one of her flights to London Yulia was getting off the bus in front of her hotel when she saw a man across the street looking quite hatefully at her. He was Palestinian. She started to get some distance from him and in a matter of seconds saw the man pull out a machine gun and started to shoot people around him only to be followed a few moments later with him throwing hand grenades, killing one person, wounding another, and leaving a small piece of shrapnel in the arm of a very traumatized Yulie. 

Years later, after receiving a master’s in communication arts, Yulia started working on films in New York City and Los Angeles. One of her films involved filming a Palestinian man who she found very interesting and intelligent. Getting to know him brought back the trauma of what happened years earlier when Yulie feared for her life. This man she admired so much was of the same age and from the same political group as the man who shot at her. Yulia realized that the Palestinian man she had such respect for could have easily been the person who tried to kill her, yet instead he was her friend. This sparked a desire in Yulia to look for the man who shot at her, her own “terrorist” and asked a British colleague to look for him in England. Two weeks later he was found in prison. Yulia wanted to meet him and decided to write a letter asking about himself and his childhood and told him that she was a sixth-generation born Israeli, never thought of Arabs as people she should hate, nor thought of them as “enemies.” 

Then she asked: Why did he join the Popular Front for the Liberation of Palestine (PFLP)? And why did he shoot at Israelis? He answered her right away, full of remorse, wanting to talk to her, and said how grateful he would be if Yulia would continue to write to him. He then asked Yulia if she would be willing to meet him in prison. Nervous about entering a prison Yulia marshaled bravery to visit him, and with her first encounter recognized this man as a human being, just like her, a man who only yearned for a good life and to have a family.

When they met in the streets of London they were both 22. When they met up again in prison, Yulia had a life and, although coping with trauma, she also had a family, a career and a master’s degree. This man in prison was on his own, had no family, no friends, no nothing. Yulia could see that he had changed, that he was a person taking responsibility for his mistakes. 

When Yulia left the prison, she realized that she was a different person. She felt a profound change take place within herself, something too hard to put into words. In retrospect Yulia recognized that she had faced one of her deepest fears: This Palestinian man that she mustered the courage to see represented those deepest fears — but when she faced him, to her surprise, she was able to let go of a lot of anger and hostility. Going to that prison, more than anything, else was difficult for Yulia. She recognized that she was on this incredible journey and, although she has more work to do to, Yulia experienced the life-changing power of forgiveness. The impact of this experience was so great for Yulia that now she speaks of the importance of forgiveness, encouraging others who have gone through painful experiences to consider the possibility of forgiveness and understanding, and that with this comes inner peace only forgiveness can bring.

Mary Noble, Co-Founder of Feminenza International

There have been other exceptional women who, through their own pain, forged a path towards forgiveness. Mary Noble, co-founder of Feminenza International, an organization whose focus is on empowering women and helping women discover their strengths and capabilities, is aware of the importance of forgiveness in personal lives as well as in helping communities recover from bloodshed and atrocities. She recognizes that one of the most important issues facing humanity is how to live with one another, and for Noble that can only happen through the human heart and soul, which we can access through the work of forgiveness. 

Forgiveness, as Noble recounts in this video, comes from a higher intelligence, which allows us to become stronger and more immune to the pain of human heritage. According to Noble the practice of forgiveness helps build our “higher” immunity and a mindset that allows us to stop scratching our wounds, clearing a new pathway in our mind, which is the remedial balm of forgiveness. The power of forgiveness can help us find relief from what has happened to us, that which we cannot change, and build something better.

In 2010 Feminenza International ran a pilot program for training grassroots women as forgiveness and reconciliation counselors in Kenya, funded by UN Women, a United Nations entity for gender equality and the empowerment of women. This particular year the People2People initiative took place in the Rift Valley, Kenya in 2010–2011, following the post election violence in 2007–2008, training 20 women leaders to become forgiveness and reconciliation counselors. It enabled grassroots women in the communities most at risk to reach across party and tribal lines to secure peace and security, to play a decisive role in conflict mitigation, and to grow the inner development to help individuals and groups re-humanize each other. They learned how to foster empathy and mutual understanding, build trust, and create healthy relationships as a basis for long term reconciliation. 

Twenty rural women activists each conducted their own community peace intervention project in Nakuru, Kericho, Borabu, Sotik, Kisii, Burnt Forest, Mt. Elgon, Pokot, and Turkana, according to this report. They were assisted with training and mentoring about fear management, forgiveness, project planning and accountability, and media strategy. The community impact was considerable, with 5,000 confirmed beneficiaries and independently verifiable outcomes. The women leaders trained still substantially contribute to the cohesion and security of their communities. Some of them help in training programs, others have become board members of Feminenza Kenya. 

These three women and countless others have been working tirelessly to help heal the hearts of humanity. They also understand the importance of changing mindsets — especially their own — and how this leads to the practice of forgiveness in one’s personal life and within any political forgiveness process. Forgiveness is true human work and is the remedy to making our world a better place. Without forgiveness humanity will not survive. 

Extraordinary Personal Forgiveness Leads to the Healing of a Community

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While we still are working toward racial justice, there are inspiring stories that shine a light on bravery and perseverance, stories that show when people can begin to question their basic values, we can change and experience and learn new things. The following story about the Echo Theater is a reminder that we can acknowledge and admit wrongs, concede failures, hear people more clearly, and seek forgiveness. When we see injustice, we are obligated to act — and just as a person’s values can change so can a nation.

An Unlikely Friendship

It would seem quite unusual for a former white supremacist Ku Klux Klan member and a Black pastor to become close friends, but that is exactly what happened in Laurens, South Carolina. This was where Reverend David Kennedy, a Black pastor, met the Grand Dragon of the local KKK, Michael Burden in 1996.

What was once a historically segregated movie theater, The Echo, became a white supremacist store, the Redneck Shop, which sold white nationalist and neo-Nazi paraphernalia owned by Michael Burden and John Howard. When the Redneck Shop opened in 1996, Reverend Kennedy fought continuously to have it closed and protested relentlessly outside, risking his life to stand up against hatred. Throughout the time of the shop’s existence, the building became the self-proclaimed “World’s Only Klan Museum” and the meeting spot for several white nationalist groups, including the National Socialist Movement (NSM), the largest neo-Nazi organization in the country, according to the Anti-Defamation League (CNN, 2021). When Kennedy stood up and fought against the store, he became a target for the KKK, putting his life, and the lives of those close to him, in jeopardy.

Opening the store was Burden’s idea, but he soon fell out with John Howard, and he and his family were struggling to get by. When Burden met his wife, he began questioning his affiliation with the KKK and his beliefs; he joined because he felt isolated and alone, and felt he had found a collective to belong to. Burden and his family had lived in the basement of the store at one time, but following the falling out with Howard they had nowhere to go. It was then that Reverend Kennedy extended a helping hand to Burden and his family, fed them, and aided them in finding housing.

Despite all that had gone before, Reverend Kennedy saw someone who needed help and was not found wanting (Greenville News, 2020). Burden sold his share of ownership in the shop to Kennedy in 1997 and turned over the building deed. Following a protracted legal battle Reverend Kennedy and his church were deemed to own the building although there was a legal stipulation attached which meant Howard could continue running the store rent-free until his death (Washington Post, 2021). Reverend Kennedy’s battle to have the store closed continued and the Redneck Shop was finally forced to close sixteen years after it had opened, by court order, in 2012.

How could a Black pastor have even contemplated helping a member of the KKK? Reverend Kennedy realized the courage it took for Burden to ask for help, particularly from him. Reverend Kennedy’s feelings toward Burden changed and he saw a man who was trying to help his wife and family, rather than seeing him as a KKK member who felt he should not exist. The selfless gesture of goodwill to someone who had only wished him ill previously began to sow the seeds of an unlikely friendship, one which is now 25 years old. If Reverend Kennedy and Burden could come together and form this friendship, nothing is impossible.

In 2012, following the court order, Reverend Kennedy and his church took full possession of the building. Rather than destroy its contents, many of the artifacts were saved to be used to engage in meaningful conversations about racial history and to attempt to tackle the difficult questions which resulted. In 2018, Regan Freeman, a local historian started researching what took place at the Redneck Shop, uncovering records and digging into the archives of the past 20 years. Eventually, he discovered posters of Hitler and other paraphernalia such as a KKK’s business card designed to scare Black families with a warning not to make the next visit a business call. Freeman also discovered that the Redneck Shop was a recruitment center of the American Nazi Party promoting evil and hate.

In 2019, Reverend Kennedy partnered with Freeman to establish The Echo Project. Under this foundation, The Echo Theater is now being restored and plans are underway to transform The Echo Theater and Redneck Shop into a museum of remembrance and reconciliation. The museum will tell the story of what happened in Laurens, including its struggle for justice and its fight against the Ku Klux Klan. What was once a segregated movie theater, and a store glorifying the KKK, is now becoming a center for social justice, healing, and reconciliation. It will display what Freeman uncovered and be a place where people can gather and engage with one another. What was once a base of hate is being transformed into a center that supports diversity and a place for every race and religion to congregate.

As for Burden, who joined the KKK believing no one loved him and thinking that they would become his family, he realized that he did not want to be a hateful evil person like the rest of the KKK. Burden hopes people will learn from the mistakes that he made and not choose to hate to belong. He also realized that it will be us, the people, who are going to make changes in this world, not the politicians (Washington Post, 2021).

As Reverend Kennedy once said, “You have to stand up for what is right regardless of what the consequences are, how long it takes, or who stands in your way … we are warriors, full of love and full of forgiveness, but we will always fight, even if it means dying for our communities” (CNN, 2021).  Now, many years later, both Reverend Kennedy and Burden stand in the light of grace, Reverend Kennedy knowing that he helped turn Burden’s life around and Burden being ever so grateful for it. If this was possible, then anything is possible. We often feel that our country, and the world, are so polarized and divisive that nothing can be done to remedy that. We can, and we must learn to forgive. It is possible to change our course, and it is possible to shun hatred, but we must have the will and humility to do so. The message in this story is inspirational, remembering that the impossible is possible, that love conquers hate, and that the power of forgiveness can transform.

Forgiveness has the capacity to touch many souls. The forgiveness that Reverend Kennedy extended to Burden went far beyond individual forgiveness. It had an impact on the community and society at large. This is what a political forgiveness process can look like. It may start with one individual and with that circumstances can emerge which affect communities and societies alike. As more individuals recognize the power of forgiveness, this kind of work begins to build a foundation that can change mindsets and ultimately build a culture of political forgiveness within our communities and support the healing of this nation.

Unfortunately, we have a terrible stain on our history and what this country was built on. This can be healed, especially if we can engage in a political forgiveness process. It is up to us. Like the story of Reverend Kennedy, Black History Month gives us the opportunity to learn from, as well as celebrate, heroes and cultural icons, and to strive for a more perfect union.