As I was working on my upcoming book “The Power Of Forgiveness and the Healing of Nations,” I was thinking about what Senge and Goleman has written about “The Triple Focus” skill set and how it applies to the healing of nations. They describe a new approach to education which focuses on a triple focus skill set, the “inner”, “other” and “outer.” I was very intrigued about this and began thinking how this can be applied to forgiveness especially in the healing of nations. This focuses on the inner healing of an individual,  the importance of relating to the “other,” in community and understanding the cause and effects of our behavior within the systems we operate in.

Within any forgiveness healing process we always have to focus within ourselves, our interior world to gain a greater understanding of who we are and why we feel the way we do. We have to know ourselves and heal those parts within ourselves which are causing pain. Once we have worked through those disturbing inner emotions we can move forward to the second skill, understanding the “other,” tuning into other people, or empathizing, being able to understand the psychological landscape of the “other” and not just coming from our own perspective.

This leads to the third skill or “outer” focus as described by Senge and Goleman. It involves a systems way of thinking which is the core of a political forgiveness process in the healing of nations. This skill set requires us to understand the way systems interact and effect one another. Sometimes these systems support structural violence which is so prevalent in the world today, and it can also support structures of peace which is the essence of a political forgiveness process.

It is important to understand systems and to use the knowledge gained to improve structures that will support peacebuilding. As Goleman and Senge have demonstrated there is an important synergy that happens between social and emotional learning which can be applied to the work of political forgiveness creating profound changes within a system. Once we realize the system, the cause and effects of our behavior we can use the insights gained to change our behavior supporting behaviors of forgiveness on a political level and creating a more peaceful world.

Dr. Eileen Borris is a licensed psychologist and has conducted conflict resolution in nine (9) foreign countries.  She has addressed the United Nations General Assembly, appeared in numerous media interviews and is the author of the bestseller Finding Forgiveness (McGraw Hill). 

Contact Dr. Borris at DrEileen@DrEileenBorris.com  Twitter @ERBorris

When confronted with violence and brutality many of us get overwhelmed with feelings of anger, hatred, fear, grief – feeling as though a cancer is spreading throughout humanity. It may feel as though humanity has plunged into the sea of darkness leaving us feel powerless and hopeless. There are many actions which will take place and need to take place. One action that we can all participate in is the remembrance of the power of forgiveness.

When I think of the power of forgiveness I am reminded of the phrase “father forgive them for they know not what they do.” This is a reminder of the infinite presence of love. This is not a love only for the few but a powerful healing –  in fact the only true power. It is the power which can give us hope. It is what can change consciousness for the betterment of human kind. Forgiveness is what endures. Forgiveness is what gets us to the place of love. Love heals all. This is what brings the healing of hatred, the healing of grief, and the healing of fear. Nothing can stop the power of forgiveness which is the power of love. Let us focus on this power which can free is from human strife. Let forgiveness touch our hearts so that we can be comforted and feel hope as we let its power move humanity.

Dr. Eileen Borris is a licensed psychologist and has conducted conflict resolution in nine (9) foreign countries.  She has addressed the United Nations General Assembly, appeared in numerous media interviews and is the author of the bestseller Finding Forgiveness (McGraw Hill). 

Contact Dr. Borris at DrEileen@DrEileenBorris.com  Twitter @ERBorris

I always welcome opportunities to speak about forgiveness, something which is very near and dear to my heart. Tonight will be no exception. Because of my passion for the subject I have been writing and teaching about forgiveness for most of my adult life. This is what got me to write my first book Finding Forgiveness: A 7 Step Program for Letting go of Anger and Bitterness which focuses on personal forgiveness and now a second book The Power of Forgiveness and the Healing of Nations which focuses on political forgiveness.

There is a wonderful line from the movie The Bucket List which is; “One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure it is worth watching.” I would like to share a story with you which adds to the meaning of this reminder.  I was reading a wonderful book called “Into the Light” by Dr. John Lerma. Dr. Lerma, works in the hospice unit of Houston Medical Center and writes about ordinary people who selflessly shared their last days telling stories of their pre-death experiences. The messages which they wanted to share from their pre-death experiences were all the same. It didn’t matter if the person was a 9-year old boy, a murderer, a drug user, an atheist, or a Nazi, the stories were not only mystifying, but very healing and uplifting.

They all talked in depth about the importance for self-love and self-forgiveness and to have loving relationships while here on earth. They also brought home the message that what keeps us from experiencing unconditional love is the unhealed guilt which we carry within ourselves. The more we can heal our guilt and forgive ourselves and others, the more peacefully our lives will end. They too reminded us that everyone here has a purpose – which is to learn how to love unconditionally and to forgive – and that unconditional love and random acts of kindness raise the level of humanity and spiritual growth for all of us here on earth. Dr. Lerma’s conversation with his hospice patients, at the border between life and death, gives us all something to contemplate.

For those who have the courage to follow its path, forgiveness reminds us how to live with love in a world filled with guilt and fear. Gregg Braden, in his book, Walking Between the Worlds: The Science of Compassion (1997), eloquently describes the opportunity forgiveness brings to all of us. “Without exception, each event, every relationship, every love, and every betrayal that you have ever experienced has provided you key emotions and feelings leading to your mastery. How you perceive those emotions and feelings, how you define them in your life, is your way of training and teaching yourself, reminding yourself of the promise of forgiveness.”

We are the ones who determine how much anger and hatred we will experience in our lives,  as well as how much compassion and forgiveness we will extend to others. We have been given opportunities to hate and the wisdom to transcend our hate. Think of the personal power we must have to move beyond old choices and to respond to life from a place of spiritual wisdom. Our pain and suffering provide us with the chance to learn how to forgive and to know our truest, most beautiful nature. Forgiveness is the gift given to us to transcend our darkness and, like alchemy, turns darkness to gold.

Forgiveness is the hardest thing asked of us to do, yet forgiveness is extremely powerful. When given a structure and focus forgiveness becomes easier to accomplish than when we think of it conceptually. When thinking about a mountain it is hard to think of being on top. This is akin to thinking about the complexities of forgiveness; but if you saw the steps that get you to the top it becomes easier. As long as you think of your struggles with forgiveness it will have difficulties. If you have a simple structure anyone can do it.

There will always be people who have an agenda not to resolve conflict and who do not want to forgive. Those that do want to resolve conflict and who are open to forgiveness will know its power which is greater than the power of any nuclear force we know of today. Forgiveness definitely has the power to change the world in sometimes unimaginable ways.

Dr. Eileen Borris is a licensed psychologist and has conducted conflict resolution in fifteen foreign countries. She has addressed the United Nations General Assembly, appeared in numerous media interviews and is the author of the bestseller Finding Forgiveness (McGraw Hill). Contact Dr. Borris at DrEileen@DrEileenBorris.com Twitter

What makes terrorists tick – a real understanding of what drives terror

The Paris terrorist attacks have generated a wave of fear throughout the Western world. Fear has been compounded when it was discovered that at least one of the terrorists made his way to Paris using a Syrian passport and coming to the West as a refugee. This has created a knee-jerk reaction within the United States where some politicians are calling for the restriction of the Syrian refugee program to Christians, excluding Muslims. Governors in nearly 30 states from both parties – from Maine to Arizona – are saying that they will not take in Syrian refugees for fear of terrorists settling in their state.

The question that everyone is asking is what to do with the Syrian refugees? And perhaps we are asking the wrong question. Perhaps we need to think about what makes a terrorist?

Terrorists don’t start out being terrorists.

Some come from middle-class backgrounds with a good education. Many are Muslims who have seen time and again other Muslims being killed all over the world such as in Bosnia, Iraq, Syria or Kashmir. They begin to feel that the world has chosen one side and the terrorist will now choose their side. There have been many recruits who have never held a job, a position of power, or even a girl’s hand. When you offer a wife a salary and a pathway to have power, you have now created a situation which lures these young men toward radicalism.

These radical groups – ISIS, Boko Haram, the Taliban, Hamas – are equal opportunity organizations and attract everything from the sadistic psychopath to the humanitarian to the idealistically driven. These individuals have a need to belong, at least in their eyes, to something special. People seek actions that give meaning for their life. Some are thrill-seeking and some are seeking redemption.  Some terrorists believe their reward lies in the afterlife. All are disconnected.

In a speech at the United Nations, anthropologist Scott Atran suggested that the only way to fight back against radicalization is to borrow psychological strategies straight out of ISIS’s playbook. Any successful plan must “offer youth something that makes them dream of a life of significance through struggle and sacrifice in comradeship.”

As more anthropologists and psychologists begin chipping away at what makes terrorists tick, perhaps a real understanding of what drives terror will help us combat it in the future and prevent these unspeakable tragedies.

Dr. Eileen Borris is a licensed psychologist and has conducted conflict resolution in nine (9) foreign countries.  She has addressed the United Nations General Assembly, appeared in numerous media interviews and is the author of the bestseller Finding Forgiveness (McGraw Hill). 

Contact Dr. Borris at DrEileen@DrEileenBorris.com  Twitter @ERBorris